(Minghui.org) In recent years, a state of sickness karma had emerged which I couldn’t eradicate. Because it has been so long, and sending righteous thoughts didn’t seem very effective, fellow practitioners and my relatives became very anxious. 

I have also lost confidence, and just bear it helplessly.

Recently, my daughter who is also a practitioner, talked with me a lot. When she said, “Losing confidence is a manifestation of not believing in Master (the founder of Falun Dafa) and the Fa,” I felt shocked and sobered.

In the past, I always thought I believed in Master and the Fa, and I never had thoughts of disbelief. Master is the omnipotent supreme king who rules the universe. 

It was Master who picked me up from Hell, gave me everything for cultivating to the highest fruition, and is always by my side taking care of me.

I asked myself: Have you ever thought about this? Did you have Master in your mind in the midst of tribulations? 

Have you piously asked Master to help you? Or have you thought that since you are not practicing well you have no face to ask Master for help. Is this thought in line with the Fa principles? 

Can you be considered Master’s disciple if you don't even have Master in your mind? After asking myself those questions, I was startled and started to sweat.

Master, please forgive me. My current state of cultivation is that I do not really understand Dafa from the perspective of the Fa principles. 

I seem to be firm or think I believe in Master and the Fa, but in fact, I am still far, far away from true faith. 

For example, due to fear, I dare not go out to clarify the truth to others; due to the entanglement of family and grandchildren, I cannot do the three things well.

Due to attachment to comfort, I am satisfied with living an ordinary life and forgot the responsibilities and missions of Fa-rectification period Dafa disciples. I cannot even complete the daily Dafa exercises, etc. 

Can this lack of diligence be considered a firm belief in Master and the Fa? Can I be considered a true Dafa disciple?

I recalled Master’s Fa teachings:

“Question: The deepest understanding that veteran students have of the Fa is to be steadfast in the Fa and believe in Master. I'd like to ask this: where do steadfastness and faith originate from? This issue has troubled my husband for a long time. How can we cultivate and form this type of incomparable steadfastness in the Fa?

“Teacher: Whether to believe in something or not is a human's rational thought. It's not from me giving you something, and it's not a state that you can achieve through some kind of a method. Dafa disciples all have steadfast faith in Dafa; that's a description in words for Dafa disciples. Their firm belief in Dafa evolves from a rational understanding, and it's not the result of some factors having an effect on people. ...

“But the righteous faith of a Dafa disciple is a Godly state. It results from a rational understanding of the truth, it's the Godly state of the side that's been successfully cultivated, and it's definitely not something that external elements can have an effect on. It's not about having firm belief for the sake of having firm belief, or being steadfast for the sake of being steadfast--you can't achieve it that way.” (“Teaching and Explaining the Fa at the Metropolitan New York Fa Conference,”  Collected Fa Teachings, Vol III)

I suffer from certain physical difficulties, yet after a long time, I lost confidence and showed a state of helplessness, coupled with not being diligent. I really feel ashamed in the face of Master's compassionate salvation. 

I have been practicing for more than 20 years. Recently, after I studied Master’s new article “Wake Up” several times and reflected on my current situation, I was even more shocked and realized that I should really “wake up.” 

Can this state be the proper state of a god? Can I follow Master into the Fa-rectification of the human world?

I am determined to make up for my past shortcomings in this last limited time, study the Fa and cultivate myself well, step forward to clarify the facts to people, and become a diligent Dafa disciple who genuinely believes in Master and the Fa and reaches the standard of true cultivation.