(Minghui.org) I began practicing Falun Dafa with my parents when I was a child. They took me along when they studied the Fa, did the exercises, and participated in Fa teaching workshops.
After the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) started persecuting Falun Dafa in 1999, I slacked off because I was influenced by the degraded morality in society and a mentality that was formed from growing up in such an environment. I gradually stopped studying the {Fa}} and doing the exercises. Besides occasionally helping out to clarify the truth about the persecution, I would find excuses to skip Fa study, do the exercises, and send forth righteous thoughts. I was not doing the three things that a Dafa practitioner ought to do.
As I deviated from the Fa, my xinxing also declined. Pursuing money, fame, and comfort became my goals in life. My true mission in this life was forgotten. Even then, Master Li Hongzhi never gave up on me. He protected me and enlightened me, hoping that I would return to cultivation.
It was not until I suffered many setbacks in life and became severely depressed that I came back to cultivation; I found my life's purpose again!
Besides wanting to show my gratitude for Master’s compassion, I would like to use this opportunity to communicate with practitioners who began cultivating at a young age but strayed as they grew up. I hope to share my understandings with them and help them find their life's mission again.
Born into an upper middle-class family, my life was comfortable and carefree. My parents were diligent cultivators. I went with them to watch Master Li’s Fa teaching video series at a workshop. Dafa seemed strangely familiar to me.
I was diagnosed with an illness that affected my cognitive development. My parents took me to many hospitals, but there were no treatments to completely cure the illness. The only option was to take medication for life. We talked it over, and my parents asked me to decide whether to look for treatment or become a Dafa cultivator. Without hesitation, I chose Dafa.
I studied the Fa and did the exercises regularly. I soon regained my health without taking any medication.
I once went on an outing with my family and didn’t take my parents' warning about getting too close to the water seriously. I went to play at the edge of the lake and accidentally stepped into the mud. I began to sink. The more I struggled to get out, the faster I sank. Feeling anxious and helpless, I yelled for help. The bystanders were just watching, and nobody came over. Just as I was about to lose hope, I stopped sinking. A sense of power rushed over me. The sand and mud around my stuck leg melted away. I was able to get out of the mud with one attempt. It was not until I walked up to the bank that I realized I had been waist-deep in the lake. Master saved my life!
Another time, I was riding my bicycle to school with my friends. Some of them were fooling around, and I ended up crashing to the ground. In a split second, another biker went past my head. I felt the wheels brush my hair. My friends gathered around me. It was only a fall, I reassured them. One of them told me that the other biker almost ran over my head. I just smiled. Master’s teaching came to mind:
“If a debt is owed, it must be paid. Therefore, some dangerous things may occur in the course of cultivation. When these things take place, however, you will not be scared, and neither will real danger be allowed to happen to you.” (Lecture Three, Zhuan Falun)
I also encountered situations to elevate my xinxing. I was an introvert back then. Teachers did not pay much attention to me and classmates liked to pick on me. Even though I was not a diligent practitioner, I still remembered that I could not do what an ordinary person would. So I rarely had conflicts with classmates.
I got accepted into a college in another city. In the beginning, I still remembered to study the Fa. As time passed, laziness made me forget about cultivation.
After graduation, I found a job that I was naturally good at and permitted me to have free time after work. It was not until later that I realized Master wanted me to have more time doing the three things while earning a livelihood. However, at that time, I did not use the opportunity to catch up with my cultivation. On the contrary, I fell into the endless pit of desire for money, fame, and sentimentality. My appetite for material things continued to expand. I believed that I had earned them with my own ability.
After deviating from cultivation for so many years, my health declined badly. I often hallucinated and felt others were making fun of me. I was anxious, fragile, paranoid, and could not sleep. My memory declined. I could not control my thoughts or my actions with a clear conscience. Fa study and cultivation were out of the question!
Being unable to control my own mind with a clear consciousness, I had nowhere to turn. I took medication for temporary relief. Those around me were concerned. Even though I needed medication to sustain my mental health, I still pursued comfort and enjoyment in everyday life. My actions were worse than non-cultivators. I was disrespectful to my parents, rude to others, and made mistake after mistake because of lust. Looking back, I was racing towards hell.
Despite moving further away from the correct way for a practitioner, I never gave up on cultivation. My hallucinations once got so bad that I took a large number of sleeping pills and almost died. After being rescued, I reflected upon everything I had done over the past years. For the first time in my life, I experienced serenity. I began to watch Master’s lectures seriously and kept up with Fa study, doing the exercises and sending forth righteous thoughts. I slowly returned to cultivation.
When my life was on the brink, I was scared and realized how precious life is. As I recognized that my life is my own responsibility, I made up my mind to go back to cultivation.
Having not done the exercises for so many years, I accumulated a lot of karma. Whenever I had a hard time finishing the exercises, I told myself that as long as I continued, karma will be eliminated. One must repay one’s karma!
At the same time, I recognized the mistakes I made for the sake of lust and dug deep into my attachments. Master started to cleanse my body. I was able to completely stop taking medication.
In the beginning, I would spend the entire day studying the Fa, as I believed the more I studied, the better. It was difficult to concentrate. I heard voices, hallucinated, and had distracting thoughts which caused much interference. Getting frustrated, Fa study seemed useless. Other practitioners pointed out that I could not study the Fa while thinking about illness; I must believe in Master and the Fa and send strong righteous thoughts.
Master once sent encouraging words to my mind when I was about to surrender to laziness. I was just about to lay down for a nap. However, a thought was telling me not to be afraid of hard work. I sensed Master’s compassion and seriousness, so I immediately sat up to continue studying the Fa.
When I had a hard time entering into a state of tranquility, I would recite “On Dafa” and “Your Main Consciousness Should Dominate” from Zhuan Falun. My condition improved day by day. Distracting thoughts slowly went away, or even if they appeared, I was able to quickly eliminate them.
One of my biggest worries was whether I was still able to cultivate. As of now, I’m improving my cultivation state every day. My life is fulfilled, and my heart is at peace. Even though I still have interference from thought karma and human attachments, I’m not the way I was before.
In facing difficult situations, I try my best to tell myself that, as a cultivator, I will handle them based on the Fa, not human notions and Party culture logic.
I am extremely fortunate to be a Dafa practitioner. To be able to cultivate back to my original true self is the only goal I came to this world for. I also realized that Master’s teachings are genuine and solemn. As a practitioner who returned to cultivation, I do not dare to slack off. To make up for my past regrets, I will be more diligent in whatever time is left in the Fa-rectification period. I will be a steadfast Dafa practitioner, do the three things well, and assist Master with Fa-rectification to fulfill the oath that I had made.
I hope my experience can be of some help to those who were once practitioners, so that they will not miss the last chance to come back to cultivation.
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