Taiwan Fahui | Catching Up and Helping My Son After Taking a Wrong Turn

(Minghui.org) Greetings Master! Greetings fellow practitioners!

I’m grateful that Master Li (the founder of Falun Dafa) hasn’t given up on me! I have stumbled and taken many wrong turns in my cultivation. 

I had a clear dream over twenty years ago, in which my younger brother and I followed Master on a road. However, the road got darker and lower, as if we were entering a basement. Master walked ahead of us, and I was last. I felt I reached the end of the road, and cried, “Master! I can’t find the road ahead!” Master turned around and looked at me without a word. He pushed away a wall that was right in front of me. Dazzling light illuminated everything. My path was unblocked! 

That dream is still vivid even though more than twenty years have passed. My personal attachments invited many obstacles, but the twists and turns of my cultivation have clearly shown me the seriousness of cultivation. I treasure what compassionate Master enlightened me to in that dream! 

My Perceptual Understanding of Dafa Leaves a Loophole

Despite my recognition of Falun Dafa’s benefits, I didn’t sincerely treasure this opportunity. I followed my family to read the Fa and participate in Dafa activities. I skipped studying the Fa and doing the exercises when I got busy. 

I’ve had a strong attachment to emotion ever since I was young. Due to my lack of solid cultivation, I didn’t see this hidden attachment. When a serious test of my sentiment and lust happened, I struggled, but I lacked the strong will a cultivator should have. Unknowingly, I drifted farther and father away from my cultivation environment following the old forces’ arrangement. My mindset became no different from an ordinary person’s. The tests eventually piled up.

I’ve been attached to sentiment about my husband. We had some conflicts while dating. I wasn’t fully prepared, but I got pregnant soon after we married. At that time I put a lot of stress on modern women’s independence, and thought a couple should divorce if they can’t get along. I didn’t know what to do when I found out I was pregnant. I wasn’t ready to have a child but I remembered Dafa’s principles.

I discussed my concerns with my brother. He told me seriously, “We can’t force you to do anything, but it’s a sin to kill a life. It will bring a huge amount of karma, which would make it impossible for you to cultivate.” His words were a blow, but I decided to shoulder my responsibility. 

After the baby was born the conflicts between my husband and me kept escalating. We bickered every few days. I kept complaining about this or that. The more I complained, the more unsatisfactory life became, and I felt that life was hard. During those agonizing years, I often thought of Master and the beauty of cultivation. One day I cried and said to Master, “Master, I really want to go back to cultivation. I don’t want to live like this anymore.” I had been attached to sentiment for so long that I seemed to be covered in thick dust. After speaking to Master that day, I felt greatly relieved.

When I participated in a Fa study and experience-sharing session in Jiantan in 2019, I saw a practitioner I hadn’t seen for a long time. She told me, “I’m really worried about you!” I told her that I couldn’t find motivation to cultivate and eliminate my attachments. She replied, “Send righteous thoughts.” Her words seemed to break up the dense gray matter that covered me for many years. Tears came to my eyes. I asked her to help me study the Fa. 

I studied the Fa with her for nearly two months. Gradually, I was able to study the Fa independently. I also broke through my fear, found a practice site near my home, and participated in group Fa-study sessions. It gave me opportunities to meet local practitioners. My family members also regularly studied the Fa with me in the morning. I began reading the Fa before work every day. It has been over two years since I resumed Fa study.

Guiding My Son to Practice

When my son was born ten years ago I did not know how to raise him like a practitioner. I only knew that Dafa was good, but my own cultivation state was not good enough. I felt that it would be better to ask a fellow practitioner to teach him. I sent my son to a kindergarten in Zhonghe every day. Because of the long distance and limited time, I failed to communicate well about my son with his teachers. It wasn’t until he started elementary school near my home that a school teacher said he had some learning disabilities. His problem surfaced almost every day, which was mentally exhausting for both of us.

In the early days of the COVID pandemic, all the students had to take classes online. I had to deal with my son’s problems every day. Only then did I truly understand his situation. I helped him with online learning, and led him to learn Falun Dafa in our spare time. Our lives were closely tied. I’ve never been a competent mother. I know that Master gave me this opportunity to learn how to be a mother from scratch.

Spending every moment together created one test after another. My hidden attachments were immediately exposed, including my lack of patience and compassion, my harsh words, looking down on others, etc. I almost lost my benevolent demeanor as a cultivator. I entered endless circles of problems. Even though I knew I didn’t do well, I still didn’t want to apologize. My stubbornness made me fail multiple tests. My only hope was to do better in the future.

When I was studying the Fa one day, Master words jumped out, 

“In qigong practice, those of you whose qi cannot go through a pass or come down should look for reasons within your xinxing to determine if you are stuck at that level for too long and whether you should improve your xinxing! When you truly improve your xinxing, you will find that the qi will be able to come down. You keep pursuing transformation of gong in the physical body without emphasizing improvement of your xinxing. It is waiting for you to improve your xinxing—only then will you make a holistic change.” (Zhuan Falun, Lecture Six)

I enlightened. It turned out that I took care of my son with hidden pursuit. I expected him to do better by guiding him to practice Falun Dafa. It was also a way for me to prove I was right. With these hidden motives, I treated him harshly whenever he didn’t do well. Children practitioners have their special situation. I should have helped him in the process of gaining initial understanding of the Fa and help him with a pure heart.

The pandemic gave me an opportunity to break through my old notion of being unable to lead him well in Fa study. For over two years, we study the Fa every evening and listen to Minghui Radio on the way to school. He naturally got hints about Dafa’s principles from everyday life and we discussed how to handle difficult situations. 

I also got along better with my husband as I let go of my notions about happiness. He told me that I improved. I used to complain that I was really unhappy, and he said that he was even more unhappy. Now both of us feel happy, but I know I have a lot of room to improve. 

It’s About Cultivation, Not Business

I chose to leave my position in the military a few years ago and created a company that presents cultural workshops. I wanted to promote traditional culture and universal values as a way to validate the Fa.

My startup attracted a lot of attention at first. Several media reported my classes. I also won awards from the Cultural Department and several other offices. I knew that Master gave me these honors, but I couldn’t help becoming a little complacent. Immersed in my ego, I didn’t take the opportunities to clarify the truth of Falun Dafa to high-ranking officials when I met them.

My income stopped when the COVID pandemic broke out. I was sad to see everything I’d built up for three years disappear. However, I had more time to study the Fa. While reading the teachings I realized that I hadn’t fulfilled my mission of saving sentient beings as Master asked us.

Seeing how my family members had made phone calls to clarify the truth to the people in China, I suddenly had an urge to participate. However, I was so afraid that my hands shook, and I don’t even remember what I said. I was determined to improve. I read the Fa with the phone call team and intended to make calls afterwards, but my fear made me leave right after the study session.

One day, I made up my mind to make calls after Fa study. I did and was able to help three people quit the Chinese Communist Party organizations! I knew that Master was encouraging me. I felt that clarifying truth was a xinxing test, and I should break through it despite my fear. I signed up to make calls. Even though I was still afraid, I thought the only way to catch up with the progress of Fa rectification was to continue making improvements.

I gradually let go of my attachments to personal interests and fame. One day, I received a call from a travel association, inviting me to give two workshops to groups of 160 people. This turning point showed me that all we need to do is to cultivate as well as we can, and leave the rest to Master. As a matter of fact, my workshop income got better as my cultivation state improved, and I passed these tests despite the obstacles.

Identifying Every Attachment

Master told us,

“What I least like are those who are all talk and no action. Nor do I like those who are cunning. What I like are those who are honest and simple, sincere and down-to-earth.” (“Fa Teaching Given at the 2010 New York Fa Conference,” Collected Fa Teachings, Vol. XI) 

I recently registered for a certification to make Shen Yun promotion presentations. I initially thought it wouldn’t be hard to do. One time, I made my presentation right after a fellow practitioner’s introduction. I could tell clearly that intention was pure, which made her words natural and beautiful, but my words sounded like a commercial. I felt bad about it for two weeks. I continued to notice the gap between other practitioners and myself. I wept when I saw my human notions. 

I asked myself why I was so sad. I used to be able to eliminate attachments when I identified them. Why was it so hard now? When I remembered Master’s words, I realized that I participated in the certification with an impure mind. I used to think I was a savvy communicator, but I had hidden my cunning pretty deeply, as well as my attachment to showing off, zealotry, and jealousy. As they were exposed one by one during the process of certification, I eventually found that they weren’t really part of me, but they were deeply hidden. They didn’t want to leave or be eliminated. That’s why I felt depressed and cried.

Thanks to Master’s enlightenment, I was able to uproot these attachments that were hidden deeply for such a long time! I felt light after passing the second-level certification. I immediately made modifications to my upcoming group workshop. This workshop received warmer feedback and elicited more interactions, which couldn’t have been accomplished before. When I changed my mindset, it made a difference.

Master said, 

“If you don’t cultivate yourself, how are you to help me rectify the Fa? How am I to make use of you?” (“Dafa Disciples Must Study the Fa,” Collected Fa Teachings, Vol. XI)

I gained a better understanding that the only way to fulfill our mission of saving people is to eliminate all our negative thoughts and cultivate a pure mind. 

I’m thankful for resuming my cultivation and will treasure every moment to catch up. Thank you, Master, for leading me back! Thank you, fellow practitioners!