Trouble Brought on By Attachments to Resentment and Jealousy

(Minghui.org) I started practicing Falun Dafa before the onset of the persecution in July 1999. It has been a journey full of ups and downs, but I know deep down I would not have made it without Master’s protection.

One morning, a friend dropped in to see me on her way out with her friend. She was shocked when she saw me, “What has happened to your mouth?” I felt a slight upward tuck on the right corner of my mouth but I did not think much of it, “It’s nothing.” We only chatted briefly because her friend was waiting outside for her. I saw her out. Seeing my face, her friend was also alarmed, “What’s wrong with your mouth? Is it due to high blood pressure? You need to go to the hospital.” I said, “ It’s nothing. It will be better soon.”

After they left, my husband was going to call my daughter and ask her to take me to the hospital. I said firmly, “Don’t call her. You don’t really want me to get worse, do you? I have Master and Dafa, I will get better soon.”

I went into the bedroom to have a look at myself in the mirror. I was horrified. The right side of my mouth was drooping badly, and my lips felt as if they had shrunk, baring my front teeth. I knew then there must have been something wrong in my cultivation state. What attachments of mine that could have caused this?

I sat down and looked inward. I dug out a whole heap of human attachments. I have always been an introvert, keeping very much to myself, and dislike being told what to do. Although I have changed a lot since practicing Falun Dafa, but this deeply rooted trait had always stayed with me. It has just become harder to detect.

My husband has a bad temper. Catching him in a wrong mood, I’d have to put up with his yelling and screaming in extremely foul and hurtful language. It has been frustrating for me, but I did not realize over time what was hidden behind this frustration were my many human emotions such as resentment, combativeness and the inability to accept criticism.

I begged Master for forgiveness: Master, I was wrong because I have failed to let go of my many attachments even after so many years of practice. From now on, I will make every attempt to rid myself of any undesirable behavior by truly conducting myself in accordance with the standards of the Fa. Master, I will only accept the path arranged by you and deny all of the old forces’ arrangements.

I went on to recite Master’s Fa and send forth righteous thoughts to eliminate all evil interference:

Master said,

“I’m Li Hongzhi’s disciple, I don’t want other arrangements or acknowledge them”—then they won’t dare to do that. So it can all be resolved.” (Teachings Given on Lantern Festival Day, 2003)

Later in the evening, I noticed in the mirror that my mouth was no longer drooping, but when I talked the corner of my mouth was still drooping. I knew there were still other attachments I hadn’t uncovered. Again I looked inward, but could not find anything. Then Master suddenly popped a thought in my mind – jealousy.

This brought me back to a recent event. A few months ago, my neighbor stayed in a town with her daughter to look after her grandchild. Her daughter’s apartment is in the same building as my former colleague’s son. I’ve never had a good impression of this former colleague because he used to speak badly about others to the supervisor.

One day, this former colleague (on his visit to his son’s apartment) and my neighbor happened to meet while enjoying some fresh air outside the apartments. He boasted to my neighbor about his achievements. The business in his shop has been going very well. He has bought an apartment each for both of his sons, and has hired a housemaid to look after his daughter-in-law when she gave birth. When my neighbor told me about this, I did not say much but felt slightly uneasy. I even had a chat about this over the phone with another colleague. I thought that was the end of it until Master reminded me then that the uncomfortable feeling I had was in fact a manifestation of jealousy.

I opened Zhuan Falun and looked for the section on jealousy.

Master said,

“People feel uneasy about others’ good fortune instead of being happy for them.” (The Seventh Talk, Zhuan Falun)

The word “uneasy” hit me with the realization that Master was talking about me. I felt really bad and ashamed. I have been studying the Fa every day, yet I have not really been measuring myself against the Fa and putting it into practice. Also, I have not done very well in terms of cultivation of speech. I behaved like an ordinary person when I spent time chatting about irrelevant things with an ordinary person. That definitely was not the proper conduct of a practitioner. No wonder the interference had come my way.

After uncovering my attachments, I vowed to learn from this lesson by being strict with myself in my cultivation. When I got up the next morning, I saw in the mirror that my face was back to normal. Thank you, Master!

I am writing this experience sharing for two reasons. This is to validate the extraordinary power of Dafa, and to remind myself to always follow the Fa and to cultivate in earnest.