To Those Who Used to Be Little Dafa Practitioners but Later Got Lost in Society

(Minghui.org) I am often moved by cultivation stories published in the Minghui Weekly. I admire those practitioners who can think and behave righteously, cultivate themselves well, save people, and fulfill their oaths. They deserve the title of “Dafa disciples in the Fa-rectification period.”

I am 38 years old now. I was a “little Dafa disciple” when I obtained the Fa. Being encouraged by fellow practitioners, I am sharing my story so as to awaken those who used to be little Dafa disciples but later got lost in ordinary human society, and urge them to grasp this fleeting chance and return to Dafa cultivation quickly, so as to follow Master and return home.

When I First Obtained the Fa

I was lucky to obtain the Fa when I was 14 years old in 1997. When I was very little, looking up at the night sky, I often asked myself: “Why did I come to this world?” My father liked qigong, but he learned a lot of messy things. Following him, I also learned some qigong. But it did not help me find the answer to that question.

I enjoyed listening to and watching fairy tales from my early childhood, and I often imagined killing demons with my supernormal abilities. I was more “mature” than other children of the same age, I attended school at 6 years of age. Being more “mature” among everyday people can mean becoming less innocent, which can lead to more obstacles in cultivation. Luckily I was born into a family of Dafa disciples. My parents, aunts, uncles, and grandmother all became Dafa practitioners in succession. My home also became an exercise site.

Such a good environment was important for my cultivation, but Master’s merciful hints and divine miracles were even more important. I still firmly remember the following scene:

One day, when I was about to have a nap in the exercise room, my mother gave me that treasured book, Zhuan Falun, wrapped with a piece of silver and shiny paper, and asked me to read it. I took it and said perfunctorily, “Okay, let me have some sleep, I will get up and read it at 9 o’clock.”

I lay in bed, looking at Master’s portrait hanging on the wall. Impudently, I thought, “If you are really divine, please come to visit me in my dream!” Then I fell asleep.

In the dream, I felt someone behind me. I slowly turned my body, and then saw a giant figure with wide shoulders; at that moment I felt as if I was being shocked by electricity, at the sight of Master’s compassionate face! Master slowly raised his right hand, lightly tapped the point between my eyebrows, and said in a solemn and majestic voice, “Falun Buddha Law.” After that, Master treated me with some food that looked like white cloud. While I was enjoying the food, Master conjured the book, Zhuan Falun, that was in silver and shiny paper, and said, “It is time to study the Fa.”

I suddenly woke up, and unconsciously looked at the clock, it was 9 o’clock sharp. From then on, I became a Dafa practitioner.

Validating the Fa, and Persecution

My righteous thoughts were strengthened over two years of solid cultivation. The Chinese Communist Party (CCP) began to persecute Dafa in July 1999. Many practitioners went to Beijing to appeal for justice for Falun Dafa. I had a limited understanding of the Fa at that time. I had enlightened to the level that I knew it was time to give up all worldly things and to embark on the path to Consummation. So my family all went to Beijing. I went with my older brother and another elderly practitioner; my parents went separately. We reached Beijing in the evening and stayed in a small hotel. That night in a dream, I saw a volcano erupting with lava everywhere. I flew up in meditation but couldn’t fly high. A voice said to me, “You have reached your Consummation but you still have a lot of attachments to let go of.” Then I felt as if I had heavy baggage on my back, dropped from the sky, and woke up from the dream.

We went to the Letters and Calls Bureau on the second day. A few staff members stood in front of the office, blocking us from entering. One of them asked me, “Are you also a Falun Gong practitioner?” I said yes. He said, “Then please recite a paragraph of Fa.” Because I hadn’t paid enough attention to Fa study, I even stumbled in reciting “On Dafa.” He laughed and said, “It looks like you are not qualified. You can’t even recite the Fa well.” I felt very ashamed and thought Master was giving me a hint through his mouth. Later, I was locked in a big room together with many other practitioners, then we were taken back to our homes by police officers from our local areas. We were all handcuffed like criminals. That day was my 16^th birthday.

I was detained after I was sent back. Coincidentally, I was locked in the same cell with my older brother and father. A guard who knew us jokingly said, “Your family is reunited here.”

The Deep Suffering Brought about by the Persecution

At that time, I was studying at the best senior high school in our city. After we came back from Beijing, when I was in detention, a teacher in my school came to tell me that if I write a guarantee statement promising not to practice Falun Gong anymore, they would take me back to school. I asked my brother, who was only three years older than me, what I should do. He said, “It is up to you. Your teacher is waiting for you outside, our Master is waiting for us in heaven.” I told the teacher I would continue to practice. He said, “Then you are expelled from school.”

The year 2000 was the most rampant of the persecution, and it was my darkest year. My parents were both subjected to two years of forced labor. My father was jailed about 100 km away, and my mother was jailed in the provincial capital, which was even farther away. My older brother went to study in a school in a different city, but was expelled for clarifying the truth to his classmates. After he came back, he was arrested for speaking to people about Dafa, and was imprisoned for over seven years. Finally he was released. At that time, I was not good at taking care of myself. I needed to go to the forced labor camp regularly to visit my father, and then go to the farther city to see my mother. I also worried a lot about my brother, who was jailed right when he came of age, and worried if he could withstand it. The suffering was beyond description. I can’t remember how many instant noodles I ate. I become nauseous at the mere sight of instant noodle packages now.

My aged grandfather came to take care of me in the autumn. At the moon festival, he bought a moon cake. He broke it in half and gave me a piece. It tasted really bad, bitter and astringent.

In the 20 years thereafter, the moon cakes always tasted bitter, no matter what filling they had. My wife wondered why I didn't want moon cake, and I told her the story. She said sympathetically, “I guess you ate it mixed with your tears, that’s why it tasted so bitter and astringent.” I believe many middle-aged practitioners have similar experiences and feelings.

Dissociated from the Fa, Haunted by Illness

After my parents were released, they thought I shouldn’t give up my schoolwork, so they sent me to a school in another province, which was to help students prepare for the “self-taught higher education examinations.” At the beginning, I managed to find some time to study the Fa, and hold myself to the Fa’s standards. But the environment was very bad, full of the Party’s propaganda and discrimination from classmates, and I couldn’t find other practitioners to share with. Bit by bit, I studied the Fa less and less, and unconsciously identified myself with everyday people. But I could still measure myself with the Fa on major issues of principle.

More seriously, after the Nine Commentaries on the Communist Party was published, I couldn’t accept it and thought we were getting involved in politics. My mother tried to persuade me in earnest, but I refused to listen to her. At that time I felt like a kite with a broken line: pessimistic, disappointed, and how miserable I was! A person without hope can commit any bad deed. When I regarded myself as a normal person, I did a lot of stupid things that made me unqualified to be a Dafa disciple.

Everyday people can’t get rid of illnesses, so I became ill. I felt twinges in my heart, and the hemicrania that had been cured in cultivation also recurred. I was diagnosed with coronary heart disease. My job was also very unfavorable, and business was bad. I also developed depression. I never quarreled with my wife before, but at that time I was almost ready to divorce her. I became world-weary, and a few times I thought about jumping off a high building. If I hadn’t held the vague thought that committing suicide was a sin, I would have ended my life.

One night, I had a dream: Bodhisattva Guanyin sat on her lotus terrace and said to me, “Come with me!” I asked her, “Where to?” She said, “I want you to help safeguard my Purple Bamboo Forest.” I recalled that in the Journey to the West, the one who safeguarded the Purple Bamboo Forest was the Black Bear Demon who was subdued by Guanyin. I thought, “I don’t want to be with that Black Bear Demon.” I said, “I don’t want to go, because I do not want to be with the Black Bear Demon. I want to continue to practice cultivation.” Guanyin flew away without saying anything.

Later on, I attempted to return to Dafa cultivation in order to get rid of illness. I read Dafa books occasionally and exercised from time to time, but didn’t really resume a good cultivation state. Despite this, it helped me a lot both physically and in my work. I’m grateful to Master for not giving up on me.

However, I got heavily attached to worldly pursuits and material gain during those years. I was eager to go to another city to make a lot of money, to help my family lead a comfortable life and make them feel proud among relatives and friends. I grasped human things tightly with one hand and held the Buddha lightly with the other. This continued for a few years. Finally, my loopholes were taken advantage of by the old forces, which almost killed me.

On the Brink of Death

I experienced a state of serious illness in 2011. My heart hurt so much that I almost choked. I couldn’t be diligent in the Fa, so I dared not to entrust myself to Master and the Fa. I began to take medicine, but they didn’t work. I went to get a check-up at a big hospital in the province capital, and the doctor told me that I should be hospitalized immediately, otherwise I might die soon. I also had severe migraines at that time, so severe that I felt my head was about to pop. The medical check showed that I had a cyst in my head, which was just big enough to operate on. I felt that I was fighting with the illness demon for every second. I became depressed again and also suffered from serious insomnia. Nighttime became torturous and I even began to fear the sunset. I began to think of ways to commit suicide. I do not want to describe that time any further, as the depression was dreadful.

One day I nearly suffocated and was sent to the hospital. I came to after I was given oxygen for a long time. A friend of mine also introduced a psychiatrist to me, who prescribed a big bag of medicine for me and asked me to take it for three months. He would prescribe more whenever my symptoms recurred. Both my father and I are doctors, but science couldn’t save my life.

I concealed my situation from my parents in order to save them from worrying. But they eventually found out. My mother helped me rectify myself in the Fa, and also invited fellow practitioners to share with me. But I felt I had lost all hope and had no righteous thoughts left.

One night last year, I had a dream: I went to a gray and dark place, and I couldn’t find my way. I saw a middle-aged man and asked him the way out. He pointed to the southeast. I walked in that direction, and saw two lines of people who were all in drama costumes. When I walked up I saw that they all wore red or black. I was somewhat scared, and then I walked quickly past them. I saw a wide stone bridge in an ancient style, I walked up and stood on its highest point. From there I saw people fighting using magic powers on the other side. By that time, the two lines of people had caught up and were passing me. I turned around and was shocked by what I saw: I saw the heads of the people were Heibai Wuchang (Translator’s note: literally "Black and White Impermanence," two Deities in Chinese folk religion in charge of escorting the spirits of the dead to the underworld). Their attire was exactly the same as shown on TV. I remembered they were called “Xian Jun” (Translator’s note: literally “Saint Immortals”) in the TV series. I walked to the bridge's edge and said, “Xian Jun, please go first.” The Hei Wuchang (the Black Impermanence) said, “You can’t go over, you need to go back quickly.” Right after he stopped talking, one of the fighting spirits flew over to catch me, and then the Bai Wuchang (the White Impermanence) fought with it. Then Hei Wuchang pushed me with the long narrow flag he usually held and I came to on my mother’s bed.

I saw my mother and brother sitting beside me. I said to my mother, “I saw Black and White Wuchang just now.” My mother said, “Really?” Before I spoke again, I saw the Hei Wuchang flying in the door. I said, “See, he is coming.” The Hei Wuchang said to me, “You need to come with me, you should take my place doing this job.” I thought, "The ghosts’ jobs are all within the Three Realms," so I said, “I don’t want to go, I will continue to cultivate.” He said, “Since you want to cultivate, I have to find someone else to take your place.” Then he flew away.

Then, to my disgrace, I shouted a question in the direction where he disappeared: “Is Dafa for real?” I thought he as a deity must know the truth. I heard his voice reverberating, “My official rank is very low, I can’t see the immortal realms, but I know there is not one Dafa disciple in hell.” At that time, I saw my mother’s accusing expression, and she said a little angrily, “You shouldn’t have asked that question.” I knew she was suggesting that I didn’t even believe in Master and the Fa. Evidently, my belief in Master and the Fa had fallen.

Being Earnestly Summoned by Master, Re-boarding the Fa Boat

On the second day, I resolutely discarded all of my medication, knelt in front of Master’s Fa portrait, and swore: “From now on, I will diligently and solidly practice cultivation, do the three things well, and follow Master to reach Consummation and go home.” I totally let go of the attachment to illness and kept on doing the three things well. Quickly, my heart problem and headache disappeared and never recurred. Seeing these miracles, my wife, who used to oppose Dafa, started to support Dafa. She even created a quiet place for me to practice on her own initiative.

When I began to be diligent, I almost passed xinxing tests every night, from the lust test to tests of attachment to competition, fame and personal benefit, etc. My cultivation state was improving exponentially, and the gong was having a strong effect on my body. I could see the Fa principles every time I studied the Fa. I had never genuinely cultivated until then. One night, in a dream, I flew to a paradise in heaven. Everyone there had a smile on their face, and they also had very advanced science and technology. I knew it was my world and realized my cultivation is not only for myself. All the sentient beings in my world are awaiting my return, and I must be responsible for them.

Days ago, I shared with my mother that I was regretful about dropping down for so long, otherwise my level would be much higher. My mother’s words really inspired me, as she said, “Master has arranged everything.” I enlightened that every Dafa disciple has different inborn quality and that Master had been protecting me and waiting for me to return quickly. My personal understanding is that Master repeatedly postponed the ending time of the Fa-rectification period. One of the reasons is to wait for those, including me, who had established a predestined relationship with Dafa but got lost, later to return to Dafa. Yes! Master is waiting and waiting, but the chance will not always be there!

This is the first time I have contributed an article to Minghui. Please point out anything improper. I kneel down and thank Master for His benevolence!