Finding and Getting Rid of My Fundamental Attachment

(Minghui.org) I had the same dream for many years. In the dream, a long slim object grew out of my mouth. No matter how I tried to pull it out, it just kept emerging from my mouth! When I attempted to pull it further, it hurt so much that I could not maintain a calm mind. Therefore, I could only bite off the part that I managed to pull out. However, the roots were still left inside.

I knew clearly that this object represented my fundamental attachment. I tried looking within many times but just could not find the attachment. Once, during group Fa study, I told other practitioners about my problem and asked for their help. One practitioner asked, “What was the reason that you decided to cultivate in Falun Dafa?” I answered without thinking, “To cultivate.”

Since I was young, I liked to go everywhere alone and was not very sociable. When I was in primary school, I watched a television drama called “The Eight Immortals Crossing the Sea” and had this thought of cultivating. I thought that if there was someone who could save me, no matter how hard it was, I would cultivate until the end. In 1997, many of my colleagues began cultivating in Falun Dafa, but I was not moved by them. That was because I thought Falun Dafa to be just a normal qigong practice – until one day when my colleagues practiced the meditation position at the office. They all tried very hard, but just could not get their legs into the full lotus meditation position. I found this to be quite interesting and wanted to try also. Much to my surprise, I was able to get into the full lotus position easily without much effort!

A colleague sighed and said, “You really have an affinity for the practice of Falun Dafa cultivation!” Hearing that, I was suddenly moved. Therefore, I flipped open the Dafa book called Zhuan Falun, saw the portrait of Master Li Hongzhi and asked, “What is he here for?” A practitioner responded, “He is a divine one who is here to save people.” I said, “Save people?” At that instant, my heart lit up.

In this way, I started cultivation. I was very young and had no illnesses. I also did not feel that I had any attachments. A practitioner inquired, “In that case, why did you give up Dafa halfway through your practice?” This practitioner’s words hit my heart heavily and I went into deep thought.

When I first obtained the Fa, I was very diligent. I knew about looking within and improving xinxing very early. My inner eye opened very soon and I went into a state of gradual enlightenment. I felt very lucky to be able to meet Master Li (the founder of Falun Dafa) and learn Dafa. At the same time, I also felt regretful, thinking that it would have been good if I had obtained the Fa earlier. In that way, I would not have gotten married and had children so early and I would have been able to become a professional cultivating practitioner. How good would that be! I would have been able to avoid all the disturbances of the mundane world and concentrate on my cultivation.

I still remember the morning I was helping my son get dressed, and this thought came into my mind again. In my heart, I was thinking of going deep into the mountains and forest to cultivate professionally. At that moment, my son suddenly turned to look at me. With a solemn face and a tone and look that absolutely did not sound like a child, he said, “You want to leave?” I was shocked. He looked into my eyes and slowly said, “You cannot leave.” My tears instantly fell. I know that this was benevolent great Master enlightening me through my son’s mouth. Therefore, I gave up this thought.

After the Chinese Communist Party began the persecution of Falun Dafa in 1999, I discovered that Falun Dafa practitioners were all busy with their daily lives and did not prioritize cultivation of xinxing. At that time, I did not realize that this had occurred because my mind had changed also. Our environment changes with our heart. I felt that this was not the cultivation state that I wanted, and I knew that I must solidly believe in Master and the Fa. Therefore, I followed Master’s request to do the three things. However, my xinxing did not catch up with the progress of the Fa-rectification. I felt that since doing things is already cultivating diligently, cultivating my xinxing was no longer that important. Thus, I neglected the most fundamental thing in cultivation, which is to improve myself all the time.

Such a cultivation state pulled me farther and farther away from the requirements of the Fa, such that my body and mind felt very tired. In my heart, I had this thought: Master, I am tired, I feel like taking a rest.

When this thought came out, everything seemed to go wrong. Practitioners started to criticize me for not doing things well and having no benevolence. During group Fa study many practitioners suddenly targeted me, saying that I should resolve my xinxing issue having to do with compassion. On the surface, I did not say anything but in my heart, I felt unjustly wronged.

After that, one matter made me totally collapse. While attending a gathering with friends, a family member of a practitioner pointed out some things that I was doing during that time. I was surprised that a person who was not a Dafa cultivator could so clearly see matters having to do with the Fa and xinxing.

At that time, I was not cultivating diligently and did not look within. I just felt that this was not the cultivation environment and state that I wanted. I felt that not only was this cultivation environment no longer that good, under the trigger of attachment to matters of the heart, my fear also came out. Following that, I also stopped doing Fa validation activities and started to distance myself from the practitioners intentionally. Gradually, I left this Dafa cultivation environment completely.

For many years, I overcame a few life and death tests. Now that my environment was relatively relaxed, why did I still seem to lag behind in cultivation? Didn’t I start practicing Falun Dafa to cultivate myself right from the very beginning? I suddenly understood and found my fundamental attachment!

I kept saying that I entered into cultivation in Dafa because I wanted to truly cultivate myself. True, I did enter because I wanted to cultivate, but that was for my personal cultivation and attainment of spiritual perfection. Therefore, deep inside me, I kept holding on to the thought that only by going deep into the mountains and forest to cultivate would I truly be cultivating. When the cultivation state and responsibilities of a Falun Dafa practitioner conflicted with this thought, I became unsteady. Even if I did the three things, they were all done from the perspective of a compromised level of understanding and xinxing. Therefore, I fundamentally did not keep up with the progress of the rectification of the Fa. 

Initially, when practitioners criticized me for not being benevolent, I still did not accept it. I was attached to my personal spiritual perfection attainment and this itself is a selfish and self-centered thought. There was no compassion, so how could I cultivate with benevolence! Finally understanding, tears began running down my face.

For so many years, I was restrained by this thought and was attached to my own spiritual perfection. I was attached to selfishness and forgot about the requirement of a practitioner to be selfless. I also forgot about the historic mission of Falun Dafa practitioners, and did not truly merge into the main body.

After eliminating this fundamental attachment, I feel as though I have shed a shell that had covered me for so long. Now, when I study the Fa, that kind of barrier no longer exists. When I do the three things, I also truly want to do them from the bottom of my heart. I dragged on for many days before completing this article. 

Initially, I felt that I had studied far too little of the Fa, so I wanted to wait until I attained a higher level of cultivation before writing. Later, I felt that this thinking was wrong. The process of writing the article is also the process of rejecting the incorrect state. It is also the process of improving myself.