(Minghui.org) On Friday, the last day of 2021, our local Falun Dafa association suggested we meet online and read the teachings to usher in the new year. I studied the Fa with the other practitioners after I came home from work. I felt cold afterwards, so I went to bed. My head felt hot but my arms and legs were freezing cold even though I was covered with two comforters.
I struggled to get up when it was time to send righteous thoughts at midnight. I was dizzy, felt nauseous and my head ached. I felt cold in every cell of my body.
My husband, who is also a practitioner, had coughed all day the previous day. I didn’t want to disturb him. I recited “Falun Dafa is good” and “Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance is good” and thought of nothing else. I felt I would be good the next day after I slept one night. But this time I still felt hot and cold at 3 a.m. when it was time to get up to do the exercises with other practitioners. I barely slept all night.
When I got up with thick clothes on and began doing the exercises online with the other practitioners, I could hardly breathe. I was able to do the first set of exercises. But when I tried to do the second exercise I was unable to stand and had to sit down. When the music for the third exercise started, I had no strength and had difficulty doing the movements. I felt everything was spinning. I couldn’t stand. I felt cold. Before the music for the third exercise ended, I had to lie down.
Only then did I feel alarmed. How was this possible? I must have a big omission in my cultivation and the old forces took advantage of it.
I started to send forth righteous thoughts and I asked Master to strengthen me. I tried to identify which attachments I had that were being taken advantage of.
My husband said that we could open our business a bit late the next day because it was New Year. I had the thought that I could sleep one more hour. This comfort mentality invited interference.
Then another thought came up. I had the first dose of the vaccine on Thursday. Was this an aftereffect of the vaccine? However, I knew the “illness” symptoms I had were not real. I wasn’t worried about getting COVID, and I had no fear of the vaccine.
When practitioners on the online truth-clarification platform began discussing the COVID vaccine six months ago, I supported those who decided to get vaccinated. I didn’t think practitioners would be infected by the CCP virus. I said that whether a practitioner got vaccinated or not, they had to decide for themselves according to their situation. Whatever their decisions were, they were okay as long as they could be understood by every day people and it didn’t affect their efforts to save sentient beings. I kept telling other practitioners that it would be a false manifestation even if some of us had virus symptoms. I felt they would be used to improve our xinxing.
But now I had it! I had all the symptoms: no taste, no smell, nausea, fever, cold, cough and I had no strength. After my husband had the first shot, he said his arm was sore for several days and he couldn’t lift heavy objects. He had fever and headache before getting the shot. I told him that one thought determined good or bad. I got over fever within half a day because I knew the symptom was an illusion and that I kept doing whatever I needed to do.
I realized that my omission was my mentality of showing off and validating myself. I wanted to show that I had strong righteous thoughts. I had the shot and my arm was slightly sore but was fine after I finished doing the exercises. I had complacency. I didn’t consider other practitioners’ situations, their endurance and different understandings of the Fa. When I laughed at my husband—I was unkind.
On Friday I asked the practitioners on the platform to send forth righteous thoughts for five more minutes for a practitioner who had the symptoms of the CCP virus (COVID). Some sent forth righteous thoughts the usual length of time and then left the platform without staying the extra five minutes. My heart of complaint instantly came up. That practitioner was in danger. The more practitioners sent forth righteous thoughts for her, the more powerful we would become to save her. She needed our help. Superficially I was complaining about other practitioners. Actually I was sticking to my own idea. It was a demonstration of attachment to myself. I wanted to change other people and tried to force others to listen to me. Wasn’t this a manifestation of CCP culture? The CCP virus loved this selfish and arrogant mindset.
After I identified my attachments, I sent forth righteous thoughts to eliminate them from every cell in my body. I didn’t want them. Every practitioner has his own understanding of the Fa. I should respect their understanding and choice. Master said:
“Once you upgrade your xinxing, your body will undergo a great change. Upon xinxing improvement, the matter in your body is guaranteed to transform. What kind of changes will take place? You will give up those bad things that you are attached to.” (Lecture One, Zhuan Falun)
After I became “sick” I didn’t eat much for the first two days. Even though I identified my problem, my physical suffering didn’t decrease. I knew I still needed to eliminate karma.
Master said: “Every aspect of xinxing must be upgraded for you to make real progress.” (Lecture One, Zhuan Falun). I still needed to improve my xinxing and improve my forbearance and bearing of hardships.
On the third day I received a text message saying that practitioner had passed away. I felt regret. I had been struggling between life and death myself and well knew how hard it was for that practitioner. Every practitioner wants to follow Master until completion. But each one’s forbearance, karma, the degree of righteous belief, and so on vary. I now understood another layer of meaning of what Master said: “Most of our Dafa disciples will join me as the Fa rectifies the human world.” (“Wake Up”)
From what Master said I understood that not every practitioner will follow him and stay until the Fa rectifies the human world. Some practitioners would leave early.
The night before when I was hot and cold, through my third eye I saw two swallows struggling to fly in a snowstorm. I begged Master to save me because I had an unfinished mission and couldn’t leave. I asked Master to give me another chance and I promised that I would do well. I recited the nine true words (Falun Dafa is good, Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance is good) again and again. I recited them with every cell in my body.
Suddenly, I saw the last scene from Shen Yun. Master came to me surrounded by golden Buddha lights and iridescent auras. When he was near me, he put up one palm and extended his other hand towards me. I was immediately enveloped by thousands upon thousands of golden lights. Every cell in all my bodies of every level wept. I felt that time and space stopped at that moment. Thank you, Master, for taking care of me! I slept soundly that night.
I got up and made breakfast the next morning. I felt a bit dizzy when I walked downstairs. My husband and son were eliminating karma and had illness symptoms. I managed to control myself and didn’t cough much. I knew it was a test, but Master was looking after me. Throughout the following ten days, I looked after my husband and son.
The first day I was able to get up, I went on the truth-clarification platform to call people in China, shared and studied the Fa with practitioners in the morning. In the afternoon, I felt very cold and dizzy, but I listened as other practitioners read one lecture of Zhuan Falun. When they got off the platform, I studied the Fa myself. I felt cold, nauseous, and uncomfortable. I talked with another practitioner over the phone. She was harsh and told me to look for my omissions. She reminded me that I would be fine if I had ample righteous thoughts. I was disappointed but understood that she was reminding me to maintain righteous thoughts and remember that hardships are good things.
As I put down the phone, I remembered a story published on Minghui.org. A disciple asked his master where he was when the disciple went through a difficult time. His master pointed to a single line of footprints in the snow and explained they were left by his master when he carried the disciple on his back during the tribulation. I knew that when I went through the hardest time, Master carried me forward.
In my heart, I said, “Master I won’t let you bear more hardships for me! I will treasure the opportunity you gave me. I will overcome it myself, however hard it is.
The following week, my symptoms persisted. I continued to join the platform. I studied the Fa, did the exercises and talked with other practitioners. I recited poems from Hong Yin. I enlightened that when a person completes cultivation and becomes a Buddha or God, he must have suffered numerous hardships yet still face the world with a smile. They must have broad hearts and have achieved high realms.
Master said,
“...
With all the hardship in the world you bear,
Transcend the world, a Buddha you will be”
(“Tempering Your Will,” Hong Yin)
When a cultivator endures hardships, he is paying back karma. When we have less karma, we will become kinder and our enlightenment quality increases. We are truly able to welcome hardships with joy.
One day I studied the Fa with other practitioners online. I studied Lecture Six in Zhuan Falun with different groups. I didn't think the example Master gave of the practitioner with cerebral thrombosis in Zhuan Falun was related to me. But now I realized that one thought determines whether a practitioner’s level goes up or down. The illness symptoms I had were actually a good thing.
Master said,
“Practitioners will not feel physically comfortable in their future cultivation, as their bodies will develop many kinds of gong, all of which are very powerful things moving around inside their bodies; they will make you feel uncomfortable one way or another. The reason for your discomfort is principally that you always fear catching some illness. In fact, the things that are developed in your body are quite powerful, and they are all gong, supernormal abilities, and many living beings. If they move around, you will feel physically itchy, painful, uncomfortable, etc. The extremes of the nervous system are particularly sensitive, and there will be all kinds of symptoms. As long as your body is not completely transformed by high-energy matters, you will feel this way. It should be seen as a good thing anyway. As a practitioner, if you always treat yourself like an everyday person and always think that you have illnesses, how can you practice cultivation?” (Lecture Six, Zhuan Falun)
“In cultivation practice one needs to eliminate karma, and that is painful. How can one increase gong comfortably? How can one otherwise remove one’s attachments?” (Lecture Six, Zhuan Falun)
In this lecture Master also gave an example of how a person dropped in level due to his complacency and fear. I realized that I also developed complacency and fear regarding the vaccine. This was a big lesson for me. Cultivation was indeed serious. Every attachment has to go. Practitioners live among everyday people. If we want to save sentient beings, we cannot hold onto our own understandings. We have to comply with the principles of everyday people.
Now when I read Zhuan Falun, I can understand a new layer of meaning behind Master’s words. Master tells me how to improve in levels, how to clarify the truth and save sentient beings.
After going through this experience I attended a meeting for a project I’m involved in. The practitioners argued who was right and who was wrong. I just survived a life and death experience and the topic sounded so distant to me. It was a truly trivial matter. We can’t argue in heaven. Everything is arranged by Master. The only thing we need to do is save people and cultivate ourselves. Despite the circumstances, we must keep kindness in our hearts. Hardship is a really good thing. Only by going through hardships can we find our true selves. Loss is a good thing and a very good thing. It helps us eliminate karma and break through the human shell.
While I was going through my own cleansing, I gradually let go of worrying about my husband who was also going through cleansing. I encouraged and strengthened him with righteous thoughts.
My husband and I cooperated in saving sentient beings for many years. We did our best to fulfill the vows we made to Master before we descended to this world.
My son also had the virus symptoms, but he only coughed. I know that Master looks after every Dafa disciple. Even though he is my son everyone has his own fate. It’s my responsibility to fulfill my role as a mother. We each have our own understanding and no one can force anyone to do anything.
As I write this article, I’ve almost fully recovered. My husband and son are now well.
Master said,
“If you are a true practitioner, our Falun will safeguard you. I am rooted in the universe. If anyone can harm you, he or she would be able to harm me. Put simply, that person would be able to harm this universe.” (Lecture One, Zhuan Falun)
When it was my turn to recite the above Fa on the platform one day, I truly felt that I am a particle of Dafa. How lucky and honored I am to have Master’s protection! In another dimension I saw the four Chinese characters of “Buddha’s infinite grace” glittering in the vast universe.
Thank you, Master, for your compassionate salvation! Thank you, fellow practitioners, for strengthening me with your righteous thoughts!
Please kindly point out anything that is not in line with the Fa.