Overcoming Fear and Letting Go of “Self”

(Minghui.org) The Chinese Communist Party (CCP) started the persecution of Falun Dafa less than two years after I began the practice. Since then, I have been taken to detention centers, brainwashing centers, forced labor camps, and prison because I would not give up my belief.

When I was illegally imprisoned, the guards were out to achieve a high “transformation” rate, and they let other inmates use all kinds of inhuman and cruel methods to torture Dafa practitioners. After being tortured for several months, I was forced to work in the prison workshop.

Looking at the high wall and wire fencing for over 12 hours a day, every day, while working on the production line and being in a completely isolated, terrifying, and depressing environment, I was in despair. I had completely lost my freedom and couldn’t do what Dafa practitioners are supposed to do.

However, I didn’t want to spend the next 20 months in such a passive and helpless state. I knew very well that as a Dafa practitioner, we must not forget our mission, and even when we are being persecuted, we must clarify the truth to help save people. But in this evil environment, it was really hard to do well.

I knew that I must make a breakthrough no matter how difficult things were. First, I tried to overcome my fear. I plucked up the courage and wrote a letter to the captain of the prison to expose the cruel persecution that I had suffered there.

After submitting the letter, I didn’t know what would happen next. How would the captain react? What would the consequences be? Everything was difficult to predict, but the important thing was that I finally overcame my fear and took the first step in clarifying the truth in the prison.

Afterward, the captain conveyed a message of sympathy and understanding through eye contact and the tone of her voice. I felt kindness coming from the bottom of her heart. I continued to write to her and described the beauty of Falun Dafa, the CCP’s murderous history, contents from the Nine Commentaries of the Communist Party, traditional Chinese culture, and stories of evil actions receiving retribution. Some were from my recollection of reading copies of Minghui Weekly. On average, I wrote one letter a week.

This allowed people to understand what Falun Dafa really is. As the captain continued to receive this information, she allowed me to have a certain amount of freedom, and the overall persecution lessened in the prison.

Master Li was always watching over me, helping me eliminate all kinds of interference and creating good conditions for me to write truth clarification letters. I used all my spare time to write them. Every day, I started writing as soon as I returned to the dormitory from the workshop until I went to bed. On my off days, I wrote from morning till night. I planned to write as many letters as I could before leaving the prison, so more guards could read them.

With a selfless heart for saving people, I forgot that I was in the most evil environment. I forgot about the persecution I had suffered and the time I had spent in there. I just focused on writing the letters. Because I was doing what Dafa practitioners should do, my heart was full of joy!

With the boundless power of Dafa and help from Master, I did not waste the time I spent in prison, and I wrote dozens of booklets. Each contained 50,000 to 60,000 words. Before being released, I handed them to about 10 people, including the section chiefs, staff, and guards. I also left some for the inmates to read.

On the day of my release, the chief and captain escorted me to the gate. One of them said to me with concern and sincerity, “You must take good care of yourself. We will miss you very much, but we don’t want to see you again in this place.”

Letting Go of “Self” and Having a Heart for Others

I was monitored and harassed by the local police and community staff after returning home. Although I was able to treat them with righteous thoughts and resist the persecution, my heart still overshadowed and my negative thoughts were very strong. I became overly cautious and unwilling to clarify the truth. I had put my own safety first and the responsibility and mission of saving people second. As a result, I missed many opportunities to help save people.

I thought it was time for me to go out and clarify the truth to people face-to-face, but as soon as I thought about it, fear struck me, and all the negative thoughts would emerge. Seeing practitioners I knew continue to go out to distribute materials, I really wanted to make a breakthrough. A practitioner who was out clarifying the truth all year round said to me, “Don’t think about anything other than saving people when you go out.” What a pure and selfless righteous thought! Their words gave me a lot of encouragement.

A practitioner wrote about his cultivation experience, “In my mind there is no persecution. There are only sentient beings. It’s my greatest wish that sentient beings be saved.” Fellow practitioners’ righteous and pure hearts really touched me deeply. I had a thought from the bottom of my heart: “I want to be a selfless person and live for others. I want to get rid of fear and selfishness, and go out bravely for the salvation of all sentient beings!”

With this thought, I began to cooperate better with other practitioners in clarifying the truth. At the same time, I strengthened my Fa study, memorizing Zhuan Falun, and sending forth righteous thoughts. I was still a little timid and nervous at first but, gradually, I was able to greet people more naturally and hand out materials. I was able to openly talk to people face-to-face and tell them about my being persecuted. I continued to gain experience and make breakthroughs, my xinxing also improved, and my heart for saving people became more pure.

With a heart for others, I was able to offer them the most precious gift. With a heart for others, I greeted everyone as a member of my family. With a heart for others, even when someone treated me poorly, I still sent them the most sincere blessings and hoped they could sense a Dafa practitioner’s kindness.

With a heart for others, I received respect, trust, sympathy, and gratitude. The power of compassion dismantled the old force factors that were preventing people from being saved. The truth awakened people in delusion and helped them escape the catastrophe and move toward the future.

“I’ve Been Waiting to Meet You Guys!”

People are awakening and their salvation is what all practitioners hope for. May more people understand the truth, have a bright and beautiful future and enter a brand new era. Here are some of their comments.

A man in his late 70s said to me, “I really admire your courage! Please be careful and be safe!”

Another person said, “I know the truth about Falun Dafa. I know how evil the Party is. What you are facing is so hard!”

Someone asked, “What other materials do you have? Do you have an MP3 player? Any amulets? I don’t have anything. I just recite ‘Falun Dafa is good, Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance is good’ every day. I’ve been waiting to meet you guys!”

A lady asked, “Do you have a calendar? I haven’t gotten this year’s yet. Whenever I see Dafa materials on the ground, I pick them up. I truly support you!”

When a man was given a USB flash drive with truth clarification materials on it, he said, “This is exactly what I need. Do you have any more? Give me a few more. I’ll take them to Beijing. I know a number of high-ranking officials there.”

Another man shouted out, “Heaven will for sure eliminate the communist party!”