Overcoming Fear

(Minghui.org) My husband and I started practicing Falun Dafa in 1999, two months before the persecution began. Because I hadn’t read the teachings for very long, I was not clear about the Fa principles. I was also heavily influenced by Chinese Communist Party (CCP) culture. Even though we had only practiced for a short time, my husband, children, and I went to Beijing to appeal for Dafa. When we returned home, we distributed truth clarifying materials. We later started a material production site in our home and formed a small Fa study group. However, now that I think back, I did everything with an attachment to doing things grandly, which is a form of CCP culture. I was also filled with fear, had an attachment to validating myself, and so on.

In 2005, I returned home after three years of imprisonment only to learn that my husband had been forced to leave home less than a year after he was released from a forced labor camp. I supported my two children by working in a factory. The police and CCP authorities kept coming to our home to harass us. I formed a small Fa study group in my house. As I kept reading the Fa and sharing experiences with fellow practitioners, I gradually understood the purpose of cultivating, why the CCP persecutes practitioners, and why we need to clarify the truth. Talking with other practitioners strengthened my belief in Falun Dafa. My fear gradually subsided and our small Fa study group was stable.

After my husband returned home, we started a material production site. Fellow practitioners started coming to our house more often. Practitioners from my hometown or other villages came to talk or get truth-clarifying materials. Sometimes practitioners who had to leave their homes to avoid the persecution also temporarily stayed at our house. Over time, we gradually let up in our Fa study, practicing the exercises, and cultivating our xinxing. We treated doing things as cultivating diligently, not realizing that was a loophole.

In September 2007, in order to rescue a practitioner who’d been arrested, nine practitioners came to my house one night to discuss getting a lawyer. The next day, the local authorities made my home their focus, and we were placed under strict surveillance. They rented houses in front of and behind ours and installed cameras to monitor our movements. Agents from the 610 Office, national security, and neighborhood committee watched our home around the clock. Even the neighbors above and below my apartment and the local mahjong house were assigned to monitor us. When I went out to buy vegetables or went to work, people followed me.

It suddenly felt like the entire sky was filled with dark clouds, pressing down on us. It was even hard to breathe. The atmosphere was very tense. The other practitioners did not dare to come to our home. The fear that had been hidden in me started to well up. I was afraid that the police might break through the door at any moment and ransack our house. I was worried that we would be captured and detained. I was afraid that if anything happened to us, no one would look after our child.

We’d managed to get back together as a family after so much difficulty and now we might be torn apart again. I was even more worried that the material production site would be damaged and the loss would be great. The bad memories and fear of the persecution kept my heart in turmoil. The evil in other dimensions knew that my heart was wavering, so they persecuted my body in order to destroy my determination.

I started to run a fever. My bones ached and I couldn’t get out of bed. For three days, I could not sleep or eat. It felt like a force was pushing its way into my body from another realm and I could not get rid of it. My husband studied the Fa with me and sent forth righteous thoughts for me for long periods of time. However, I still could not calm down. I really felt trapped, both internally and externally. It felt like Master said,

“Abundant troubles rain down together,All to see: Can you pull through?” (“Tempering the Will,” Hong Yin, The Grand Verses)

Amid the danger, there is Fa to guide us. Just as I was most frightened and could not push the fear away, Master’s Hong Yin III was published. I felt as though I had obtained a treasure and I spent a week memorizing the whole book. My righteous thoughts kept rising up and the limitless powers of the Fa suppressed and drove out the fear in me until it finally vanished. I felt that Master was right beside me, protecting me. My heart finally calmed down.

My heart stabilized and my righteous thoughts were strong. My husband and I looked within to understand why the authorities were monopolizing so many human and material resources to monitor us. First, we did not change our thoughts fundamentally: we treated the machines and truth-clarifying materials that were used to save people as evidence the bad people could use to persecute us. We felt we were victims of the persecution.

Our relationship with people (including police officers) is similar to the relationship between saviors and those who are hoping to be saved. However, we regarded the relationship as persecutors vs victims. We treated the persecution as though it was between human beings.

Second, we gauged our diligence in cultivation by the amount of truth-clarification work we did. Influenced by CCP culture, we were attached to a completing a job and we opposed the persecution with the attachment of fighting with others. We put going against the persecution and disintegrating the CCP above saving people, which meant we didn’t have our priorities in the correct order.

The third mistake was that we did not emphasize our personal cultivation. We were just going through the motions when we read the Fa. We did not really cultivate ourselves and get rid of our attachments based on the Fa.

These are what led to our being persecuted.

After we had these realizations, we calmed our hearts, read the Fa, and sent forth righteous thoughts. We also searched for and eliminated our attachments.

I realized that I had been cultivating in a muddled state. I participated in all those projects based on my courage and forced myself to persist. I did not do things with the heart of a Falun Dafa practitioner during the Fa-rectification period. For example, I did not get rid of my attachment to family relationships. I cared for my child too much. I wanted to make up for the care I missed when I was incarcerated; this also applied to my husband.

On the surface, I accommodated my mother-in-law in order to maintain a good relationship with her. But at critical times, I still could not let go of my former grudges. I frequently compared her behavior with the standards of the Fa and kept thinking that she was not cultivating diligently.

Whenever the truth-clarification materials we produced were transferred, I worried. When practitioners traveled to and from my house frequently, I worried. During Fa study, when fellow practitioners read too loudly, I reminded them to read quietly. My fear grew by the day. I was especially afraid of losing my stable family and cultivation environment. I also could not get rid of the bad memories of being persecuted. I was entangled in all types of emotional attachments.

After I identified these attachments, the most difficult part was overcoming fear. In order to eliminate this fear, I needed to let go of my attachment to life and death.

Master said,

“If a cultivator can let go of the thought of life and death under any circumstance, evil is sure to be afraid of him. If every student is able to do that, the evil will of itself no longer exist. All of you are aware of the principle of mutual-generation and mutual-inhibition. If you have no fear, the factor that would make you afraid will cease to exist. This is not to be self-imposed, but is achieved by truly and calmly letting go.” (“Eliminate Your Last Attachment(s),” The Essentials of Diligent Progress II)

My husband and I analyzed the situation in detail. Although the authorities were creating havoc on the surface, it was just a scare tactic. When we met them, they did not dare to look us in the eye, and they did not dare to break in our door. Even though we were holding parcels with contained truth-clarifying materials, they did not dare to search them. We concluded that they did not have any evidence and were just suspicious. We are cultivating Dafa, we have Master watching over us. Everything is under Master’s control and it just depends on whether our hearts are stable enough and if our righteous thoughts can overcome our emotions.

After seeing through their scheme, we rejected the persecution. We could not let them monitor us or allow the old forces to use people to commit crimes against Dafa and practitioners. I cannot just passively endure.

Master saw that my heart was steadfast, so he once again enlightened me. How can practitioners be controlled by these monitoring devices and police? Practitioners have supernatural abilities and there is Master and also countless divine beings watching over us. Furthermore, if we are doing things righteously, who dares to control us?

In my heart I told the national security officers sitting at the entrance to our neighborhood that I had to think of a way to save them. Even though I was followed, I went out to clarify the truth every day. One experience was especially touching.

One night, I had a dream in which a girl blocked my path. I picked her up, threw her behind me, and kept walking. I did not understand the meaning of the dream and wondered why I was using a human way to resolve the problem.

I went to a market the next day to clarify the truth. I noticed that a girl was following me, and she entered the market when I did. I walked out and went to the next supermarket, but she still followed me. When I turned and looked at her, she tried to hide. I turned around and began following her. I was not scared. I kept sending righteous thoughts to get rid of the evil elements that were controlling her.

When she stopped and pretended to look at the items for sale, I started a conversation with her. I asked where she came from and what her occupation was. She did not dare to look at me. I told her that young people must be able to differentiate between good and evil. She quickly left.

After returning home, I thought about that dream. I understood that if I had talked to her about Falun Dafa, she might very well have reported me. I realized that Master enlightened me before that happened! I also realized that, when facing a trap, we cannot be frightened, we must resolve it with wisdom. After this experience, I talked to the national security officers in plainclothes who were stationed in my neighborhood. Afterward, they left and did not return.

A year later, this tribulation, which seemed so very daunting, disappeared under Master’s benevolent protection. The machines, equipment, materials, Nine Commentaries on the Communist Party, and other materials were also safely transferred one by one by my husband and child on their way to work or school. With the cooperation and righteous thoughts of fellow practitioners, the small Fa study group and material production site started to function normally again.

Letting Go of My Selfishness

Ever since I overcame my fear of going out to clarify the truth, I’ve met all types of people. Some accept the materials gladly, some cannot make up their minds, some are timid and avoid the topic, and some scold me while others thank me. Each time I clarify the truth is an opportunity to eliminate my attachments. They are all testing my confidence and belief in Dafa. Under Master’s protection, I have come so far and gained so much, and I realize that Master has arranged every step. As long as I have the wish to save people, those with predestined relationships appear before me.

One night after dinner, I went to the hospital near my home to clarify the truth. I saw a middle-aged woman sitting on a bench at the entrance. She looked really haggard. I sat down next to her and asked her what happened. She said she was scheduled to have surgery the next day and she was frightened. She was so worried that she consulted a fortune teller.

I said, “Since we’ve met, I’d like to tell you something that can help you and turn bad fate into good luck. Please recite, ‘Falun Dafa is good, Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance is good,’ sincerely in your heart. It can help you stay safe.” I told her how Dafa teaches people to be kind, has saved people amid dangers, and how many people survived dangerous situations due to their belief in Dafa.

She seemed pleased and asked me to tell her how to recite the words. I gave her an amulet. I also told her the truth about the CCP-staged Tiananmen self-immolation and why the CCP persecutes Falun Dafa. I explained that millions of Chinese have quit the CCP and its youth organizations. She accepted everything I said and kept thanking me. “The fortune teller said that I would meet someone who would help me—and I met you.” Seeing her go from worried to full of joy, I felt happy from the bottom of my heart. I silently thanked Master.

I was minding the shop when an old lady walked in. She was dressed very simply and looked very tired. She said with some embarrassment that she wanted to borrow 60 yuan (about nine U.S. dollars) from me and that she would give me her identity card as collateral. I was bewildered since we’d never met. When I asked, she explained that she was sick and her husband did not care about her. She had no one to borrow money from, so she could only ask around to see if there were any kind people out there.

I suddenly understood that she came to be saved. I clarified the truth about Dafa and asked her if she’d ever joined the CCP or its youth organizations. If so, she needed to quit them quickly to be safe. She immediately agreed to quit. I gave her an amulet and asked her to recite the two phrases sincerely.

I gave her the money and said she no longer needed to beg anyone else. She kept nodding. I handed her identity card back and said she didn’t need to hurry to return the money. She kept thanking me. I told her to thank Master Li, since he is the one who asks practitioners to be compassionate.

She returned a few days later and repaid me. I was amazed, because she was smiling and looked healthy. Dafa is really miraculous!

I once again experienced Master’s benevolent compassion and protection. As long as practitioners are not afraid of difficulty, are not selfish, and are sincere in wanting to save people, all the paths will be meticulously arranged. Similar things have happened many times.

I’ve had many amazing experiences, such as not feeling hungry or tired after walking for more than 10 hours along mountain roads to deliver truth-clarifying materials. Instead of barking, a fierce dog in a village just wagged its tail. After I walked all night and handed out materials, I saw a grand and wonderful scene of divine beings in the sky escorting me back home.

Practicing Falun Dafa has helped me understand that everything happens for a reason. I let go of my complaints about my destiny and I became open-minded. No words can express my gratitude to Master. I can only eliminate my attachment to comfort, adhere to the standards, truly abide by Master’s request to do the three things well, and fulfill my prehistoric vow.