A Cancer Scare Pointed Out My Cultivation Loopholes

(Minghui.org) In April 2021, I felt some swelling and pain in my left breast, and I could feel a lump as large as an egg. Due to lack of Fa-study I did not have righteous thoughts at that time. I purchased a medicine patch and put it on my breast.

Six months later, when I talked with another practitioner, she told me that another practitioner my age had the same condition. She developed a lump that began to ooze and fester. She passed away.

I quickly went to a hospital and was told that I had breast cancer. I didn’t realize what the practitioner told me and the hospital’s diagnosis were a xinxing test. I went to a Chinese medicine doctor, who prescribed some Chinese medicine.

Although I knew I had a lump in my breast earlier, I didn’t take it to heart. I still studied the Fa and did the exercises every day. I also spent many hours clarifying the truth to people. However, once I got the diagnosis, I was crushed mentally. My righteous thoughts were gone.

When a doctor in the pathology department told me that the cancer cells had metastasized to the bones, instead of rejecting the test result as false appearance, my heart sank and I felt unsettled. I knew that only Dafa could save my life, but I also felt that my cultivation was not good enough and I had not reached the standard to transform my physical body.

As a result, I started chemotherapy according to the hospital’s treatment plan, but I continued to participate in group Fa-study.

Due to the sickness karma, my body began to hurt a lot. When the pain was at its worst, I could not sleep. I lay in bed with my fists clenched until dawn. Despite all this, I always held a thought in my heart: I will never give up practicing Falun Dafa.

Practitioners in our Fa-study group were very concerned about my state of mind - I was seeking medical treatment like an everyday person, while clinging to the path towards godhood. They pointed out the various issues I had in cultivation.

However, I was in great physical pain and the mental pressure was enormous. I felt I could be crushed by a seemingly accusing look or a slight word of “criticism.”

Increased Tribulations Expose My Attachments

As if the situation was not difficult enough, more xinxing tests were on the way. The practitioner who came to my place to study the Fa with me did not get along with another practitioner who wanted to join me in Fa-study. So the Fa-study we arranged did not work out.

When they tried to organize another Fa-study at my place, because two other practitioners could not get along, the arrangement fell through again. Feeling frustrated, I began to develop misunderstanding and resentment, thinking: “I’m already in such bad shape and instead of putting helping me first, you are trying to gain the upper-hand over each other over some old issues and have made our Fa-study environment complicated. Are you behaving like Dafa disciples?!”

I was being selfish, and instead of helping them resolve the grudges based on the Fa principles, I regarded myself as a “patient” and treated the false appearance of sickness karma as real. I hoped others would understand my situation and take care of me.

It wasn’t until two small incidents during chemotherapy that I woke up. The first incident was when the doctor was trying to insert a needle into the artery in my neck. He tried six times but failed. Suddenly, I realized that Master was reminding me that I should not have the treatment.

The second incident happened when a doctor gave each patient a silk scarf to wear on our heads to cover up our hair loss due to the chemotherapy. I refused his offer, saying that I do not use silk scarves. To be “fair,” he gave me an umbrella instead, and on the package, there were two big characters, meaning “paradise.” Immediately, I thought: "I should not continue with chemotherapy. What has happened to me is a trap by the old forces, leading me to peril." I decided to stop the chemotherapy treatment.

When I got home, I threw out all the medicine and was determined in my heart to solidly cultivate in Dafa and leave everything for Master to decide.

From that day on, my heart was no longer moved by how other practitioners behaved because it’s all part of their cultivation.

I knew that my willpower and righteous thoughts were not strong enough, so I knelt down in front of Master’s portrait in tears and begged him to strengthen me. I kept repeating in my heart: “All the symptoms of sickness karma I have are false appearances, and they are absolutely not recognized during the Fa-rectification of the universe. My fears and worries are not my true self and I must eliminate them.”

I kept this thought in my heart and it became stronger and stronger as I intensified sending forth righteous thoughts. I felt deeply that even though I might have only had 20% righteous thoughts earlier, as long as I keep studying the Fa and pushing forward, Master would protect me, strengthen me and guide me forward.

Gradually, my main consciousness became stronger and my thoughts became righteous. The frightened feeling of hanging around the edge of a cliff and my anxieties disappeared and I felt more confident and calm on the path ahead.

In the past, as soon as I heard anything about other practitioners experiencing sickness karma, my heart was filled with fear and anxiety. But now, I felt calm and grounded.

Along with my xinxing improvement, my body changed dramatically. I went from being bedridden and relying on my daughter for everyday needs, to gradually being able to walk again and even go out to clarify the truth to people on my own.

Cultivation Is Serious

I realized that although I obtained the Fa more than twenty years ago, I didn’t know how to cultivate myself. I studied the Fa, but failed to assimilate to the Fa, until the last two years when I truly understood what true cultivation is and its seriousness.

My body and mind underwent big changes when I started to cultivate solidly, my relatives and friends also felt that I was changing from the inside out. My stubborn notions were crumbling and my behavior became gentle and kind.

A practitioner I hadn’t seen in two years said, “I can feel that your energy field is different now. You used to look serious and tense, but now you look relaxed, and I no long feel a barrier when I talk with you!”

I feel deeply grateful to Dafa for my change. Master has given me a new life!

I would like to share an incident that happened while I was going through sickness karma. My daughter was about to start high school. As soon as she came home on the weekends, she was on her cell phone. I didn’t like it and tried to persuade her to stop. She got angry and told me all her friends use their cell phones why couldn’t she? She became very emotional and said she should not have been born in this family. I also got emotional and told her then she could just get out!

My daughter left, slamming the door behind her. My heart was filled with anger and grievances, thinking that I was struggling with “sickness karma,” and instead of being considerate of my condition, my daughter even left home. I could feel that the demonic side of me was getting stronger and I was on the verge of an emotional outburst.

I felt that if I got up from the sofa. I would throw things around in anger. So I did not move. I knew I must calm down first.

Gradually I did calm down. I was no longer worried about my daughter and believed that she would be fine because I have Master to protect me. A few minutes later, my father called me and told me that my daughter was with him.

Positive Changes Reflect My Improvement

As I kept improving my xinxing, my anger and frustration diminished. My daughter said that I’ve changed a lot.

My relatives and friends who used to hold some negative views about me also changed their attitudes. Eleven years ago, I was forced to divorce my husband, and everyone in my family thought it was my fault because I practiced Falun Dafa.

The fact is that during the three years when I was illegally detained by the CCP (Chinese Communist Party) for my faith in Falun Dafa, my husband started cheating on me. After I was released and got back home, instead of a happy family reunion, my husband was cold to me and often didn’t come home until late at night. He refused to answer my phone calls and wouldn’t answer any of my questions.

This caused me a lot of sorrow. Soon after our divorce, he married my second aunt’s cousin. This hurt me deeply. I felt I had been betrayed by both my husband and my cousin. However, all my relatives were on their side.

At first I was filled with indignation, but I let it go gradually and began to cherish every opportunity I had to be with my relatives and to clarify the truth to them about Falun Dafa.

One uncle refused to listen when I tried to clarify the truth. He always said, “Stop telling me all this.” I didn’t give up on him and continued to clarify the truth to him. He later started asking questions. We talked for about 20 minutes. In the end, he agreed to quit the CCP organizations.

My mother passed away a few years ago. While waiting in the funeral parlor hall, I saw this uncle talking with his brother and a few other cousins. I could not hear what they were saying, but noticed they kept looking at me. Sometimes they shook their head or nodded and a few also wiped away tears.

I thought they might be saying bad things about me, but what happened later proved that I was wrong.

At the third anniversary of my mother’s death this year, when a cousin got out of his car, he bowed to me deeply to show his respect. This was a total surprise because he always scolded me. His attitude completely changed.

Suddenly, I realized that three years ago in the funeral parlor, my uncle must have been clarifying the truth to them and told them how hard it must have been for me to go through all those hardships – three years of illegal detention, my husband’s extramarital affair with my cousin, the divorce, how I took care of my sick mother for ten years before she passed away, as well as the difficulties I had to face as a Dafa practitioner in the persecution and how I had changed into a much better and kinder person through cultivation. That is why they looked at me that way three years ago.

I was happy for my relatives, and at the same time I was deeply touched by the power of Dafa. I realized that as long as we always put truth-clarification and saving sentient beings as top priority, those we try to save would come along to support and harmonize in Dafa as well, and at the same time our cultivation environment would also improve.

I had a dream earlier this year, in which I learned that the cousin, who married my ex-husband, is a dear sister of mine back in heaven, and we came down to earth together. The scene in my dream suddenly switched to the human world, and her life was in great danger. She asked me for help, so I rode my bicycle to a small dark room where she was staying. I told her to keep reciting “Falun Dafa is good; Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance is good” and that she would be fine. She agreed immediately.

After I woke up from this dream, I realized that Master was telling me that my previous grievances with my cousin were settled. In my dream, I wept bitterly for the danger she was about to encounter, because we were sisters in heaven.

This incident made me realize that along with our genuine and solid cultivation in the human world, the elevation of our levels and the salvation of sentient beings at all those levels of the celestial body are proceeding simultaneously, and many grievances are being resolved at the same time.

I realized that every Fa-rectification period Dafa disciple’s cultivation is no longer about personal cultivation, but concerns the celestial body and universe that corresponds to our own, as well as the countless sentient beings waiting to be saved. If we fail to genuinely and solidly cultivate, the consequences will be huge and very serious.

Thank you, Master, for your compassionate protection and encouragement, which enabled me to awaken to truth from confusion at the most critical moment when the Fa-rectification is transitioning to the human world. You helped me strengthen my righteous thoughts to strive forward in cultivation. I will continue to assimilate to Dafa and fulfill my prehistoric vow to assist Master in saving sentient beings during the Fa-rectification period.