Removing a Selfish Concept

(Minghui.org) I was born in a small mountain village in the 1960s—the era of the Cultural Revolution (1966-1976). Although I was young, I liked the concept of “restricting oneself to restore propriety” that was criticized at that time. I was disgusted with social phenomena like fighting against the rich, right-wingers, and the four types of people. In the later years of that time, those who turned in blank papers were admitted to college and praised by the leaders. However, I disapproved of such things. In addition, I lived in poverty. I always wanted to escape my situation but was helplessly stuck with the reality.

As an adult, the family ethic that men should be upright and masculine and women should be gentle and virtuous had taken root in my heart. However, the situation in my marriage was far from the “the wife follows the husband” concept that I expected to occur. My wife is the same age as me, but follows the philosophies of “equality between men and women” and “women hold up half the sky.” She is very capable and assertive, and she continuously complains a lot.

My work was difficult and tiring. At home, my wife and I couldn’t say three sentences to each other without quarreling. I felt exhausted physically and mentally all the time. One time, when I could no longer bear her complaints and insults, I beat her. She was less argumentative after that.

Fortunately, I read Zhuan Falun, the main book of Falun Dafain 1998. I was enlightened, and all my puzzles in life were solved. I was excited and thought in my heart: “Falun Dafa is what I will truly pursue.” After that, all my health problems disappeared. My body was light and felt wonderful. I studied the Fa and did the five exercises in my free time after work. Consequently, I no longer argued with my wife.

Seeing significant changes in me and with encouragement from other practitioners, my wife also started practicing Falun Dafa and reading the book. Although we both cultivated, we could not eliminate all of our attachments immediately.

Traditional family ethics and moral concepts had a strong influence on me, and on the surface, I was following Master’s principles, “Returning to tradition puts you on the path to Heaven” (“Creating Anew,” Hong Yin V)

However, I didn’t realize that I was selfish when I demanded that my wife act according to my understanding of the principles.

As a result, decades passed, and we still couldn’t communicate. We had different views on almost everything. We rarely concurred with each other when talking about cultivation or handling trivial matters in life. To avoid conflicts, I stopped caring about anything except for matters of principle and rarely spoke with her. I thought my behavior was correct.

When other practitioners said they envied how my wife and I cultivated, I told them our situation. They said, “You are overly attached to sentimentality.”

Being told I was overly attached to sentimentality was a sobering warning. It woke me up and started me thinking. Sentimentality is selfish, and humans live for it. Cultivators must get rid of this sentimentality. Master requires us to cultivate ourselves. I realized that I couldn’t change anyone else’s thinking. My wife’s rebellion was to make me understand that I should cultivate myself and not look outside for the causes of our conflicts. The family conflicts throughout those years were caused by my failure to follow Master’s requirements. The right path was to cultivate myself by the requirements of the Fa.

I paid attention to whether my thoughts and notions aligned with Master’s requirements and whether they met the standards of acting entirely for others. The conflicts between my wife and I gradually became fewer and fewer.

I should have understood the problem long ago. Although it took a long time, I am happy I have improved. After changing my behavior, I felt much more relaxed.

I am grateful to my wife for helping me to improve, and to other practitioners for their kind reminders. They helped me remove my selfish family concepts. At the same time, I got rid of a lustful heart and my deep emotions for my wife, children, and grandchildren. I don't cling to anything in the world; I am open-minded and unattached, and my heart is on Dafa. I feel sacred when I do the three things.