(Minghui.org) I am a Falun Dafa practitioner from China who now lives overseas. I would like to share about the lessons I have learned after my addiction to watching online videos caused troubles for my cultivation.
When I was still in China in 2018, I spoke to a woman who was taking the accounting professional certificate exam with me. She told me that she was working on immigrating and said that I could join her if I was interested. I thought that was a good idea because I could validate the Fa abroad if my application was successful. A year later, the agent told me that the immigration application for my whole family had been approved.
In my new country, I quickly contacted the local Dafa association and joined the local cultivation activities. I got my first job in a practitioner’s restaurant after one employee had to return to China. I was a cashier and helped in the kitchen.
When the pandemic hit, the restaurant had to close and I was unemployed. My family and I moved to another city. I was still unemployed at that time but I was accepted at a local college, and the government converted my unemployment benefits into tuition subsidies. I became a full-time student. I had to face all kinds of challenges and overcome the language barrier after starting school again. Fortunately, I had learned English when I was in China and soon picked it up.
My wife gave birth to our second son in 2022. I was very busy as I now had to go to school but also help my wife and take care of our baby. My wife’s temper was bad because she’d had a caesarean delivery and felt unwell. This led to some conflicts. As a cultivator, I knew I should look within and be tolerant but I didn’t do enough, and our conflicts worsened.
I didn’t think about elevating myself based on the Fa—I thought about relaxing because I was so tired. I sometimes watched videos on YouTube since I didn’t have a chance to see them due to the censorship in China. I spent more and more time on YouTube and started watching political analysis programs, variety shows, movies, and TV series.
Because I am the only practitioner in my city, I study the Fa online every day with practitioners in other cities. As I gradually became lax in my cultivation, I realized I was being interfered with more when I was studying the Fa online. It was hard for me to concentrate. My wife would even tell me to do things when I was studying the Fa.
My mother came from China in March 2023 to visit us and help take care of our children. While I now had more free time, instead of studying the Fa or doing the exercises, I watched videos. I even felt that I was being controlled by something as I would unconsciously open the video app when I sat in front of the computer or picked up my phone. I sometimes watched videos until midnight.
I had a very clear dream one night. I dreamed of a huge lake with many lotus flowers floating on the water. There was a big house with a big washing machine that never stopped. Suddenly, a swarm of insects flew over, went into the lake, and disappeared. When I woke up the next day, my liver and my eyes started to hurt.
I had already started an internship in March 2023 when my mother came. I had a terrible headaches and my eyes were very dry. I couldn’t sleep because my liver hurt so much. I enlightened that bad substances had gone into my body from watching online videos for such a long time. My addiction had attracted those insects. I had attracted demons due to my attachment.
I was full of regret after enlightening to this. As a cultivator, how could I be addicted to watching videos?! How could I waste the time that Master gave us and instead spend it relaxing and seeking to be entertained? Other practitioners were busy saving people while I was wasting time enjoying myself. I apologized to Master and asked him to help me. My liver no longer hurt after a few days.
I was about to graduate in September, and saw an open position with a small accounting firm. The boss didn’t mind that I was a non-native English speaker and was willing to hire me. I was very happy to be employed as a professional. I worked hard every day and followed Dafa principles at all times. I spoke to my boss if I ran into any problems. My boss appreciated me and was willing to spend time training me.
The physical discomfort then returned. I had constipation, tinnitus, back pain, insomnia, and nausea. My liver started to hurt after I ate a few fried shrimp for lunch, and I started burping. I didn’t know why this was happening as I thought that I was quite diligent. I knew that my job required a lot of work, but I studied the Fa and did the exercises after work, and used my break time to do one or two exercises.
I asked Master to help me and increase my righteous thoughts when I was in extreme pain during those few days. When I sent righteous thoughts, I saw an animal that looked like a huge rat disappearing before seeing the Chinese Communist Party army marching. It was a battle between good and evil in another dimension. My liver was fine the next day. Master enlightened me that the main reason for this was because I had many human attachments.
Afterwards, I looked within in-depth and found a few problems:
First, I was not treating cultivation seriously. After I left China, the environment was more relaxed. In addition to getting used to the new environment and the pressure to cope with surviving and finding a new job, I gradually became lax in my cultivation and my human attachments increased. Master requires us to “always … improving xinxing...” (Lecture Eight, Zhuan Falun) Cultivation is like sailing against the current; if we do not improve, we will move backwards.
Second, I did not believe in Master and the Fa wholeheartedly. As a Dafa practitioner, since I had the chance to leave China, Master would have already arranged my future path. However, I kept wanting to use human ways to work hard and reach my goals and achieve success. Of course, one should work hard normally but going beyond that is not acceptable. A cultivator should place primary importance on cultivation and validating the Fa.
Third, I did not pay attention when I studied the Fa and I did not study enough. Although I put effort into copying the Fa, I didn’t concentrate when I did so, and all kinds of human attachments ran through my head. The process of studying the Fa is a process of assimilating to the Fa and removing attachments. Yet, I was going against it and developing attachments. I only thought about completing a task and was rushing ahead. I often could not remember what I had just copied. I did not have the sacred feeling of assimilating to the Fa.
Fourth, my reasons for doing the exercises was not pure. Master said, “Performing the exercises is a supplementary means to reaching Consummation.” (Teachings at the Conference in Singapore) I did the exercises more in order to relieve the fatigue of the day and recover after a busy day.
Fifth, I had the idea that I was “insured” since I’d become a cultivator. My health had improved since I started practicing, and I hadn’t taken a single pill for many years. I could also use my righteous thoughts to overcome any occasional sickness tribulations. Looking within in-depth, I realized that I was using the healthy body that I obtained from cultivation to seek fame and gain. First-generation immigrants who come overseas often have trouble surviving. When I was at work, I would sometimes think, “I’m not afraid of hard work, as I have a healthy body. I might get a good rating from my boss and he might raise my salary. Since I have a healthy body, my brain is clearer, and I could take a professional certificate exam, which might qualify me for an even higher salary.” This was not using a healthy body to validate the Fa. Instead, I was seeking fame and gain.
I wrote this to give myself a warning. I also hope that other practitioners who are in similar situations can learn from my lessons by seizing the remaining time and be diligent in cultivation and saving people.