Discovering My Deeply Hidden Selfishness

(Minghui.org) After reading the Minghui Editorial “Flattery and Demonic Interference from One’s Own Mind,” I was shocked and realized that cultivation is indeed an extremely serious matter.

I began practicing Falun Dafa in 1997. Throughout my 26 year-long cultivation journey, I always felt I was a genuine practitioner. However, when I recently reflected on myself, I was ashamed to realize that while I’ve spent a lot of time working on projects, I didn’t truly cultivate myself in many regards. I was shocked to find all the deeply hidden attachments I still held on to.

Master said,

“Once selfishness appears, it becomes easy for one to be affected by emotion, and during cultivation, things that are difficult to let go of and cut ties from manifest everywhere, and it becomes difficult to let go of these attachments during cultivation. Sometimes when you do things for Dafa, the attachment of defending and protecting your own role appears, as well; for example, you defend and protect your own reputation and wants.” (Teachings at the Conference in Australia)

Among the attachments I found, “selfishness” and “human sentimentality” stood out the most and both of them have proven hard to completely eliminate.

When others praised me, I enjoyed it. Although I sometimes reminded myself not to develop zealotry or pursue praise, I still looked for or asked for acknowledgment from practitioners, family members, or my colleagues at work. I was trying to validate myself.

On the other hand, when others challenged me or criticized me, my first thought was often negative. If the situation was serious, I resented my critics and even tried to retaliate.

I did not realize I had these thoughts. My not paying attention to them indicated that my main consciousness wasn’t strong enough and I wasn’t cultivating diligently. It would be dangerous if I could not completely remove these attachments, as they may be early signs of my developing “demonic interference from my mind.”

Another reason I didn’t discover those negative thoughts until recently was that when conflicts happen, I can usually stay calm and maintain my composure. While it may look to others that I remain unmoved during conflicts, I also blinded myself from seeing my attachments.

I deeply appreciate Master for giving me this opportunity to rectify myself. I’m also grateful for the reminder from Minghui editors, so I can truly look into my heart and find my long, deeply hidden attachments. While on the surface my realization may seem simple, it felt as if I passed a big test of life and death.

After reading the Fa (teachings) today, I had a strong wish to truly cultivate myself, let go of my resentment and jealousy and open up my heart. Going forward, I should do the three things well with a purer heart and without the attachments of selfishness and ego.

This is my understanding at my limited cultivation level. I welcome practitioners to point out anything improper.