(Minghui.org) I have been practicing Falun Dafa for over 24 years. Only recently did I discover my fundamental attachment to myself. I would like to share my discovery with you.

A fellow practitioner in a neighboring county was arrested two years ago. Many practitioners took action to rescue him, only to be arrested themselves, including fellow practitioner Shu.

Shu is considered a solid practitioner in our area. While she was soon released, I had a dream in which I was lying on a sofa with a pleasing thought: “Look, I was not arrested, I am even better than Shu,”

When I woke up, I realized the dream reminded me of my attachments of jealousy, self-righteousness, and having a competitive mentality. I also realized that I still had the vanity and face-saving mindset that I was afraid of being looked down upon by fellow practitioners.

Recently, the practitioner who was arrested two years ago was arrested again shortly after he was released from prison. I went to his home with another practitioner Wei to discuss with his family how to rescue him. It did not go well. Wei spent a lot of time talking to the practitioner’s father, who did not want to cooperate with us. Then I said something and the practitioner’s father agreed to work with us to rescue his son.

We then contacted several local practitioners regarding a specific action plan. I felt Wei should propose certain ideas and when she did not I became upset. I shared my thoughts about what to do with the others.

On our way back, I had the thought: “See how capable I am?” Immediately, I realized it was not my real self, but a self-deceiving delusion. I reminded myself that as a Dafa practitioner, I should remain humble and not be full of myself. All of our abilities are given by Master Li (Dafa’s founder) for us to save people, not to show off.

But even though I caught my egotism, I still had the attachment to saving face. I defended my ideas while talking about the plan with Wei and ended up arguing with her.

The next evening I met with Wei again to discuss the rescue. I made a big fuss due to my self-righteousness. Wei grew irritated and shouted at me.

I had another dream that night. It was a dark night, the wind was so strong that my front door blew off. I complained about the renovation company who just finished working on our house. I asked my husband to come home immediately, it was too dangerous for him to be outside. Then I woke up with a rapid heartbeat and quick breath.

I thought about my dream once I calmed down. The word renovation, “zhuang xiu,” was a homophone to “fake cultivation” in Chinese. Master was giving me a hint that I was not doing genuine cultivation! How dangerous that is!

Through the two rescue experiences and two dreams, I realized that the fundamental reason I did not assimilate to the Fa was that I was too attached to myself, my capabilities, and my ideas.

When the Minghui Editorial Board published the article “Flattery and Demonic Interference from One’s Own Mind,” I had a feeling that this article was written for me, particularly the following paragraph of the article. But I didn’t fully realize what was my issue.

“When someone says, ‘See how capable I am,’ ‘none of the other practitioners are good enough,’ or ‘you should all listen to me,’ veteran practitioners who are truly cultivating should be able to identify the issue. If not, it precisely shows that they haven’t cultivated well enough and should be more diligent.”

When I talked with another practitioner yesterday, he reminded me that I still have the desire to validate myself. He mentioned the word “self-validation,” and I realized that it was the fundamental issue I had.

The attachment to validate myself deviates from the new universe’s standard. Even though I did the three things throughout the 24 years of cultivation, I’ve always had the attachment to validating myself. I didn't realize its existence and have often been fooled and manipulated by it. My egotism, resentment and jealousy, and all came from it. It is only today that I realize this long-term attachment to myself.

Editor’s note: This article only represents the author’s understanding in their current cultivation state meant for sharing among practitioners so that we can “Compare in studying, compare in cultivating.” (“Solid Cultivation,” Hong Yin)