Letting Go of Anger and Truly Cultivating Myself

(Minghui.org) I discovered that anger is something formed within us after we are born, and it can expand as we go through life. Combined with all kinds of selfish thoughts, we become resentful when we can’t get what we want. Anger which is caused by demon nature, can gradually become a demonic substance. If we allow the anger to exist, it will control us when we encounter unpleasant situations. We may hurt others and create more karma for ourselves. If a cultivator does not change and eliminate their anger, it may be impossible to eradicate the demonic substance that causes the anger.

I’m an angry person. I lose my temper when unpleasant things happen or when someone hurts me. I don’t care about other people’s feelings. I don’t exercise self-restraint, and I lack the gentleness and softness that a woman should possess.

I’ve been practicing Falun Dafa for more than 20 years, but my anger has prevented me from assimilating to the characteristics of Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance. Thus, I haven’t improved my xinxing.

When I’m angry I scream and yell. I don’t care what others might think of Falun Dafa or what they think of me. I want to release my hatred, and I don’t stop until I feel better.

At home, I lash out in anger whenever I want and shout when I don’t like something. My behavior is brutal and negatively impacts everyone. When I lose my temper, my demonic side is fully exposed, and I’m under its control. I act worse than an ordinary person, let alone a Falun Dafa practitioner.

Although I regret my actions and words afterward and know I should not get angry, I can’t remove the attachment, no matter how many times I’ve tried. I keep losing my temper when I’m unhappy and then afterwards I regret it. So, the vicious cycle continues. I don’t look inward, and I’m unable to restrain myself. I can’t even meet the standard of tolerance of a regular person—how can I reach the standard of a cultivator? I feel this is why I haven’t improved.

For example, my husband wears headphones when he listens to stories online. Two days ago, I was talking to him, but he was wearing headphones and didn’t hear a word I said. He asked me, “What did you just say?” I became furious and yelled at him, complaining that he would rather listen to online stories than what I had to say.

He became upset and scolded me, “You have no patience and get angry so quickly. You always scream and yell.” He pointed at his head and said, “My brain can’t take it anymore.”

I stopped talking when I saw his angry look and knew I shouldn’t lose my temper so quickly. Once again, I hadn’t behaved as a cultivator.

I now recognize the demon that makes me break out in anger, and I know that it’s not my true self but a demonic substance. It has been in my dimensional field for many years, making me angry and unable to let it go.

So, I’m exposing it now. I must eliminate it and not let it control me anymore. I’ll send righteous thoughts to destroy it. I will ask Master Li, the founder of Falun Dafa, to help strengthen my righteous thoughts, and I’ll destroy it.

I will not allow it to exist any longer. I will dig out its root and remove the evil nature of anger. I’m writing this article to expose it to the world so there’s no place for it to hide.

I also need to change the way I cultivate. I used to say I was determined to change, but I haven’t changed fundamentally. I haven’t looked inward. Instead, I cling to my image of “self.” I can’t control my anger and I feel upset. Now, I’m telling myself: “I’m determined to change. How will I do that? I will remove the demonic substance from its root and not let it act up. This will allow me to improve myself.”

I also found that along with the demonic nature of anger, I had attachments to comfort, selfishness, resentment, jealousy, fighting, and seeking revenge. Negative thinking emerges whenever I encounter issues. I’m often worried, anxious, suspicious, afraid of this or that, and I have few righteous thoughts.

Now that I’ve identified the attachments, I will eliminate them and purify my dimensional field.

The only way to achieve that is to read the Fa more and let Dafa purify my heart. I will have stronger righteous thoughts as long as my heart is focused on the Fa. This will help me remove all postnatally acquired notions, attachments and demonic substances. I will allow my true self take control and assimilate to the universal principles of Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance.