My Thoughts Regarding Some Common Problems Among Young Practitioners

(Minghui.org) My son was a child when I began to practice Falun Dafa and introduced the cultivation system to him. After high school, he decided to pursue his college studies abroad so he could practice Falun Dafa freely. He was offered a job after graduating and stayed in that country. Lately, we’ve been talking more often as he ran into some relationship problems. From his candid sharing and complaints, I recognized some of the common problems and challenges young practitioners face in their cultivation.

The young practitioners my son has met where he resides all struggle to stay on top of their cultivation. Everyone faces a unique set of problems. Some don’t know how to interact with non-practitioners. Thus, they are having trouble conforming to ordinary society. Some have a very passive mindset, and even take it to the extreme. Some don’t like how their parents, who are practitioners, go about doing things. Some resent their parent practitioners for making the wrong life decisions for them. Some may appear to cultivate diligently but do so only to please their parents. Once they are on their own, they succumb to the trends of ordinary society. My son admitted to having some of these problems as well. He also had unresolved resentment toward me. All of these things are making him have doubts about Dafa cultivation.

Most young practitioners were introduced to Dafa as children by their practitioner parents. They practiced alongside the adults when they were younger. Now that they are grown up and on their own, they know Dafa is good, but lack the discipline and experience to cultivate independently. Therefore, they find it hard to resist the downward trend of society. Conversations with my son prompted me to carefully examine how these problems pertain to this group.

Looking Inward to Examine Myself

My son’s complaints didn’t come from nowhere. I first looked inward to examine myself. Although it was his choice to go to college abroad, I welcomed the decision as the perfect opportunity to pass on my responsibility in guiding him in his cultivation. The free society of the Western world would provide an optimal cultivation environment and the local practitioners would surely help him. I was ready to put my feet up, relax, and not have to deal with the stress associated with supporting a young practitioner. I was seeking comfort and relying on external factors to remove my burden. Another attachment I found, and had avoided addressing, was that I was seeing Dafa cultivation as a guarantee of his success in life. I also had the attachment to pursuit.

From reading How the Specter of Communism Is Ruling Our World, I know that some people in Western countries also have an evil nature. This has been amplified by society’s declined morals. When people overindulge themselves, they act irrationally and thus negatively impact society. Young practitioners have different inborn and enlightenment qualities and vary in their degree of self-discipline. Growing up, they spent a lot of time away from home and were inevitably influenced by teachers, peers, and others in society. On top of that, the internet and technology they come in contact with are unavoidable.

In this big dye vat of a society it is difficult for young practitioners to conduct themselves well if they are not clearheaded and steadfast. They could easily fall for any of the countless pitfalls and temptations. When it comes to helping young practitioners, it is an attachment to want to rely on the environment, instead of being actively involved in their cultivation and providing guidance when needed. As parents, we really need to relinquish our dependency on external factors.

While young practitioners living abroad enjoy the freedom to practice their faith, they are also exposed to a lot more information. This includes Dafa practitioners with big followings on social media—their opinions and interpretation of different subject matter don’t always comply with the Fa. Young practitioners could easily be swayed one way or the other if they don’t have a solid understanding of Fa principles. They need a network of practitioners to share and discuss ideas with. They need to be reminded to always refer back to the Minghui website, as it is the only website approved by Master Li, the founder of Falun Dafa. I don’t log onto Minghui very often but will, from now on, cherish Minghui as a great resource and utilize it to improve myself.

Interacting with Ordinary People in Society

When I share my opinions or my approach to certain things with my son, he feels pressured. He sometimes pushes back, “I can’t do that.” Or he tells me that other people would do it differently. He thinks the stories of traditional culture and values that I recommend are outdated: “You are talking about Confucius, a sage from 2,000 years ago.” On the one hand, he knows that the “social norm” is not always the right thing to do and is not up to the standards of the Fa. However, inconsistent with his Fa study, he finds it difficult to always hold strong righteous thoughts and adhere to Dafa’s principles. This creates internal conflicts that make him feel torn and anxious. 

Just as I wrote this part of my sharing, it dawned on me that I’ve made a huge mistake with my son. Master never demands that we do specific things or reach a certain level. Master teaches us the Fa and explains the principles over and over, with great compassion. He allows us to come to understand the Fa at our own pace and do our best at our own levels. Then how could I ask Master’s little disciple to be at a certain level or behave in a certain way? This would be imposing my ideals onto others and essentially cultivating for others. When I realized this, I felt guilty and was appalled at my behavior.

Whenever my son ran into a problem, I reminded him to study the Fa, which sometimes annoyed him. Then I realized that besides group Fa study, I hardly studied the Fa on my own either. I was trying to help him cultivate, yet I didn’t even do what I suggested he should do. If I use my time more efficiently, study the Fa more, and have strong righteous thoughts, maybe he’ll be more willing to listen to me. 

This also applies to interacting with people who don’t practice Dafa, as it is impossible to socialize only with practitioners. Cultivation is to improve ourselves, hold ourselves to the high standards of the Fa, and to be strict with ourselves. We don’t focus on what others do, especially non-practitioners, and don’t ask them to measure up to our standards. We try our best to understand and accommodate ordinary people, treat them with kindness and compassion, and hope they see, through our actions, how wonderful Dafa is. This is our goal. Whenever we run into conflicts in dealing with people, it is an opportunity for us to cultivate ourselves.

Young Practitioners With a Passive Mindset

My son told me about a young practitioner who participates in some Dafa projects, such as distributing Shen Yun fliers and joining local parades, but he is not strict with himself in his cultivation. Eventually, he dropped out of school, and his cultivation came to a standstill. He depends on his parents financially and will have no way of supporting himself if they stop paying his living expenses. How bad of an impression will this make on non-practitioners? As a student, he can’t finish his studies, and as a grown man, he doesn’t try to support himself financially. Such behavior will tarnish Dafa’s reputation. He avoids things that are difficult and makes excuses for his actions. There is no shortcut in life or in cultivation.

Being involved with truth-clarification projects is a good thing but it is not cultivation, especially if we are just going through the motions. Whether in Dafa projects or other areas in life, there are ample opportunities for us to improve ourselves. But we have to first cultivate ourselves well so we can better save sentient beings.

The reasoning behind this practitioner’s passive mindset is that everything is arranged by Master, hence he doesn’t have to try. Regarding this, my understanding is that Master has arranged a unique cultivation path for each practitioner. Everything we encounter on this path is related to our unique situation and our cultivation. However, it doesn’t mean that we don’t have to do anything or work hard in life. It doesn’t mean we neglect our responsibilities, not take charge of our lives, and just wait around for things to happen. It doesn’t work that way.

Being Considerate of Non-Practitioners and Young Practitioners

My son has always complained that our family didn’t do much as a family when he was growing up. True, when he was younger, the only time I spent with him was when we studied the Fa together. He was on his own most of the time, going to school and doing homework. Our family rarely did any fun activities or outings together. At the time, I considered what most ordinary people liked to do as a family to be a waste of time. When he complained about these things in the past, I didn’t agree with his viewpoint. I explained to him why I thought such things were unnecessary, and I sometimes argued and tried to convince him that my opinion was right. Although I thought I had sound reasoning, the discussion always ended up making him more disappointed and sad.

While editing this sharing, I thought about our past conversations and conflicts regarding this issue and changed my mind. It is probably too late to make it up to my son, but it may be helpful to other practitioners. That is, children are children, not miniature adults. We can’t expect them to be serious and rational all the time. We should adjust our lifestyle and family life to suit their needs as they grow and develop. We can teach children in a fun way that doesn’t necessarily cut into our time for truth clarification. Our approach to teaching and guiding them should be flexible.

Being a family and having family time are very important to people. We need to be understanding of non-practitioner family members or young disciples who haven’t relinquished their human notions. We need to be more accommodating and patient with them. If we ignore their needs, their disappointment could grow into resentment. I heard a man complain to his practitioner wife who was involved in many Dafa projects, “This is all you do.” This problem is very common among practitioners, though it may manifest in different ways.

Take my life for example. Besides working and doing household chores, everything else revolves around cultivation and Dafa truth-clarification. Digging deeper, I realized I might have become a little extreme in upholding the form of cultivation, but haven’t truly cultivated my heart for a long time. It may seem to my family that I’m always busy with something related to Dafa but my xinxing improved very slowly. I hardly consider other family members’ needs or feelings. In their eyes, I am selfish and live in my own world. In Dafa cultivation, improving our xinxing comes before all else. It cannot be measured by how much time we spend on doing Dafa projects.

I was shocked when my non-practitioner husband said I was “selfish.” In my mind, I wasn’t selfish at all. Then I started paying attention to details in cultivating myself and became more considerate of him. I figured out a quicker way to do chores so I could spend quality time with my husband. I went on hiking trips with him and gave out truth-clarification fliers and talked about Falun Dafa with the people we met. I didn’t waste time at all and he hasn’t complained about me since then.

Caution Against Making Life Decisions for Young Practitioners

A lot of practitioners around me make life decisions for their children. A young practitioner I know wanted to go to college in China after high school but his parents made him apply and study in a Western country. Unfamiliar with the new environment and culture, he became lonely and homesick. His resentment toward his parents grew into hatred. Sadly, this young practitioner stopped cultivating in Dafa.

When young practitioners grow up and become independent young adults, they have the right to make their own decisions. We cannot deny them this right. They are the ones who will be walking their own path in life. We can offer help and our opinions, but they have to think for themselves and make their own decisions. We can help analyze a situation, remind them of the consequences, and make them accountable. When parents force their opinions on their children, the results are usually not ideal.

Young Practitioners Behave Differently in Front of Their Parents

Some young practitioners pretend to be diligent in front of their parents but act like ordinary people once they are on their own. I think these young practitioners still don’t truly know the meaning of life and the reason for cultivation. When they study the Fa, they are merely going through the motions instead of paying attention to the actual messages. They are only doing it to please their parents. Not knowing how to let the Fa guide them nor how to apply Fa principles in their actions, they will likely fall for the trends of ordinary people.

Master has told us the importance of Fa study many, many times. He repeatedly reminds us to study the Fa, study the Fa more, and study the Fa solidly.

But as parents, are we going through the motions when studying the Fa? Are we doing it just so we can say, “I’ve studied the Fa?” Some practitioners make frequent mistakes or leave out characters when reading the Fa. They are not focused and are wasting time. I’m guilty of this myself. Sometimes I could be reading fluently but my mind is wandering and thinking about other things. This is very scary. We have to be aware and strengthen our main consciousness. We have to pay attention when studying the Fa, know what we’re reading, and make sure that it is our main consciousness who is studying the Fa.

Letting Go of Sentimentality Toward Our Family

Worrying and being concerned with every aspect of our children’s lives is in fact exposing a big loophole in our cultivation. That is, not having complete faith in Master Li and the Fa. Our worries and concerns reflect our sentimentality—something we need to relinquish. Let go of this attachment and treat your children with compassion. It is best to follow the course of nature. Nobody can cultivate for another person.

Living abroad on their own, it is normal for young people to feel lonely. When our children call home, they just need someone to listen instead of someone who lectures them. I often put myself on a higher moral ground and tend to lecture others. I lack compassion and tolerance. If I just keep quiet and focus on examining myself, our conversation tends to go smoother and my son is more likely to listen to what I say.

As parent practitioners, we are responsible to a certain degree for the problems young practitioners face. This manifests in different ways. Are we as parents only going through the motions in our Fa study and truth-clarification? Are we being extreme in our thinking and ways of doing things? Instead of always doing a solid job, are we trying to get away with as little as possible? Do we tend to simplify things? Are we being overbearing, self-centered, or imposing? Do we look outward when conflicts arise, depend on others, and evade responsibility? 

Many of the pitfalls in our cultivation are deeply rooted by having been indoctrinated by the Chinese Communist Party (CCP). As I wrote this sharing, it became more and more apparent to me that I needed to deal with my attachments. I didn’t realize or even notice that certain issues even existed. Writing sharing articles is in itself a great cleansing process. While organizing my thoughts, I reflected, dug deep, and found many attachments.

Endless Tolerance and Mindful Guidance

I’ve learned so much from reading articles on the Minghui website on how to help young practitioners. Our children’s cultivation state is directly correlated to how well we cultivate. We’re the closest to them and thus have the biggest impact on them. We should always teach by example—not by lecturing. 

An article titled “My Dad” on Minghui.org deeply touched me. Every single detail reflected the father’s compassion, tolerance, and dignity as a Dafa cultivator. His words and deeds turned his daughter, a problem teen, into a rational and grateful person and a diligent young cultivator. The power of Dafa is boundless. When a parent bases everything he does on the Fa, he will be able to have a positive impact on his child. And this change comes from within.

A young practitioner I know went through a similar process. As a child, he used to study the Fa with his mother. In middle school, he started following ordinary society’s trends and gradually stopped cultivating. More than a year ago, he returned to Dafa and has been cultivating solidly ever since. 

This young practitioner now takes Fa study very seriously. He makes time in creative ways to guarantee his Fa study time while living in a college dorm. In his free time, he enjoys helping other young practitioners. Actively involved in our Fa study group, he regularly shares his thoughts, experiences, and cultivation progress with the group. I can tell he is truly cultivating in Dafa.

He shared with the group that at one time he didn’t have a good relationship with his father, a non-practitioner. Since taking up Dafa cultivation again, he wanted to mend things with his father. He made a point of talking to his father often and shared things in his life with him. His father however didn’t seem to appreciate his efforts and deliberately opposed him in many things. The young practitioner realized that he shouldn’t be attached to sentimentality, nor focus too much on the results. Instead, he should be truly considerate and compassionate toward his father.

After this shift in mindset, his father changed. Now, he starts conversations with his son and offers his opinion in a calm way. He also asks his son for truth-clarification booklets to read. The young practitioner concluded that as cultivators, we have to let go of our sentimentality and cultivate based on the Fa. 

As parent practitioners, our righteous faith and actions are important and are often reflected in our children’s cultivation. This young practitioner’s mother overcame tremendous sickness karma about two years ago, relying solely on her faith in Dafa. When I asked how she helped her son resume Dafa cultivation, she gave me two simple yet powerful techniques—endless tolerance and mindful guidance.

A Few Things to Pay Attention to

A 2021 Minghui article by a young practitioner tells the story of how her mother took responsibility in guiding her in Dafa cultivation and being strict with her. This mother dutifully helped her daughter through different stages in life, until she became fully independent and took charge of her own cultivation. She set an excellent example for all of us on how to help and guide young practitioners based on the Fa.

First, be mindful when guiding young disciples. Young disciples have attachments that are hard to relinquish and Fa principles that they need more time to fully understand. Some things may seem small and insignificant, but we should nonetheless pay attention to them. We want to show young practitioners how to approach a problem and how to distinguish between right and wrong. In this way, they learn how to cultivate. Don’t overly simplify things or put things off. We also need to remind our children to read sharing articles on Minghui so they can learn from others. 

The mother in the aforementioned article has a dedicated folder on her desktop to which she downloads and saves Minghui articles she thinks would be helpful for her daughter. When the daughter came home from school, she asked her to read them and discuss them with her. She used this method to help her daughter until the young practitioner was able to log onto Minghui herself. This mother really paid attention to details in helping her daughter cultivate.

Secondly, help young disciples create an environment and a routine for Fa study. Master is always watching over, helping, and redirecting his practitioners. He consistently publishes articles addressing issues we encounter in our cultivation that depend on our circumstances and cultivation state. Master intentionally reminds and guides us, instead of letting us do whatever we want. Walking a straight path in cultivation requires consistent correction in our thinking and actions and constantly referring to the Fa as a guide. Therefore, studying the Fa well is extremely important. Having a good environment and a set routine for Fa study is a must. 

Children and young people often lack self discipline. They are curious and easily distracted. It is our job to help them. The mother in the article did a wonderful job. In the daughter’s words, she “pulls a tight string in getting me to study the Fa.” Even after the daughter went to college and later became a young working adult, the mother still consistently reminded her to study the Fa.

Thirdly, make sure young practitioners are paying attention when studying the Fa. Besides a set routine for Fa study, we also want them to truly obtain the Fa through quality Fa study. Only when they study the Fa well and truly understand the principles, can the Fa principles be rooted in their hearts. 

I’ve met some young disciples who regularly read Zhuan Falun, the main book of Falun Dafa, but are merely going through the motions. They do it because their parents make them, everybody around them does it, or they think it’s fun. Without paying attention to what they are reading, they could go through Zhuan Falun many times, but still not understand the Fa principles. As parent cultivators, we have to recognize the difference and not be fooled by their actions. More importantly, share your understanding of the Fa with them after reading each section and guide them to truly obtain the Fa. Gradually, they’ll learn to base their thinking and actions on the Fa. 

Lastly, be patient but consistent with young disciples. Children also have attachments to comfort and laziness. As parents, we have to be firm but consistent with them. The daughter shares in her article that when she was on school breaks, she liked to sleep in in the mornings. Once, she asked her mother to wake her up early so she could do the exercises. But when her mother tried to wake her up the next morning, she didn’t want to get up and became annoyed, so the mother gave up. When this young lady finally woke up, she was upset and blamed her mother for letting her miss doing the exercises. 

Her mother later apologized for not coming through on her promise. She said she failed at her duty and should have been strict with her daughter even though the daughter was annoyed. The mother also learned that truth clarification is the same—we can’t just stop at, “Oh well. I’ve clarified the truth to him and he wouldn’t listen.” We are here to truly wake up and save people. This is our promise and responsibility toward sentient beings.

The young practitioner said: “In fact, oftentimes when a parent practitioner asks a young practitioner to do something, the young practitioner doesn’t listen. The parent asks a second time and the young practitioner still doesn’t listen. So the parent sighs and leaves him alone, thinking he is older now and so they can’t do anything about it. But my experience is when my mother tells me what is right and urges me to do the right thing, it’s like she is pounding the bad substance in my field with a hammer. I can physically feel the bad substance shaking. The more times my mother repeats something, the more likely it is to shatter. Whatever my mother asks me to do, I may not listen and do it right away but she is still filling my field with positive substances. Sooner or later, it will make a positive impact. A parent’s urges can make such a difference.”

When we truly take responsibility for our children’s cultivation, we will remind them, not waver even when they get annoyed, and be patient and consistent with them.

Encouraging and Helping New Practitioners

Aside from those with great inborn and enlightenment qualities, most new and young practitioners need help from veteran practitioners. As parents, we have to take responsibility, show our children how to cultivate, and hold their hands for a while until they mature and transition into independent cultivators. 

The Minghui article “Veteran Practitioners Need to Nurture New Practitioners” contains a good lesson for all of us. A veteran practitioner met a young person interested in learning Falun Dafa. He taught him the exercises, gave him a copy of Zhuan Falun, told him to read it every day, and left. He didn’t reach out to check on this new practitioner for a long time. When he finally did, he learned that the young person had passed away. 

We should pay attention to our children’s cultivation and constantly encourage and remind them about what is appropriate. When their thinking or actions deviate from the Fa, we should talk to them, encourage them to get back on track, and wake them up with the Fa principles that Master taught us.

Taking Charge of One’s Cultivation

In order for our young practitioners to do well in their cultivation, we, as parents, need to first cultivate ourselves well. We should take charge of our own cultivation as well as our children’s cultivation. Communicate with them often, be patient with them, and guide them. We have to teach them the importance of Fa study and remind them to be diligent. Through Fa study, they will continuously strengthen their righteous thoughts. When they run into problems, help them analyze the problem at hand, find areas they can improve in, and overcome the obstacles. Only when they truly understand the meaning of cultivation and know how to cultivate on their own, can we treat them as true cultivators and peers.

The daughter in the aforementioned article has had a smooth and steady cultivation path. She didn’t run into major obstacles even during her teen years. As a young adult, she now cultivates diligently and continuously improves her xinxing. I am truly happy for her.

I wish more young disciples could bask in Dafa’s immense grace, gain wisdom, and lead a healthy life. In looking back on their journey, they will feel fortunate to have cultivated steadfastly and rationally, following a straight path in cultivation and returning to their homes with Master.