(Minghui.org) My life was full of ups and downs, which made me very stubborn, competitive, and independent. After I started practicing Falun Dafa in 1998, I got rid of many of my attachments, yet there were still many to be eliminated. I would like to share two such experiences in my cultivation.
The first Dafa book I read was Teachings at Conferences in the United States, as I could not get a copy of Zhuan Falun. When I finished reading it, I felt that everything around me had changed—my view of the world was different, the air around me became fresher, and all my worries went away. I was so happy! This was exactly what I was looking for, and I’d finally found it!
I felt nothing was more important than Dafa. I was running a small business, and I set a goal for myself that earning 10 yuan a day would be enough. If I earned more, I would take a few days off and read Dafa books at home.
I read the Fa every day. Yet somehow it was difficult for me to improve my xinxing. If someone took advantage of me, I tried to ignore it. But if it exceeded my limit, I responded with scathing words. It seemed that my desire to win and prove myself, my resentment, and my jealousy all arose together.
I got married in my 50s. Before that, I didn’t own a house or a piece of land. I didn’t care about those things much, but it was not good for saving people, especially those who knew me. They did not understand why I wouldn’t get married.
After marrying, I tried my best to restrain myself with the principles of the Fa when I had conflicts with my stepchildren. But I still couldn’t get over them and felt indignant. I was struggling and in pain. I treated those difficulties with ordinary thoughts, and I felt like I had fallen into a pit of fire and couldn’t get out.
I saw that many fellow practitioners were memorizing the Fa. But when I tried to do that, I soon gave up because I thought it took too much time. After reading a related sharing article on the Minghui website, I gathered my courage and decided to try to memorize the Fa again. This time, I was determined to continue, even if the process was slow.
By memorizing the Fa, I gained a new understanding of my environment. My cultivation path was arranged by Master, and nothing was accidental. What I faced was arranged for me to improve! If I complained, wasn’t I complaining about Master? I was determined to cultivate myself well in this environment!
My husband is also a practitioner. After his ex-wife passed away, his adult children took all the family property. He still lived in his old house, but both his daughters had keys. I used to worry that they would take the money my husband and I saved after we got married. By memorizing the Fa, I understood that Master protected whatever belonged to me. Why would I worry about my money being taken? I felt relieved: I have my Master, and I will leave everything up to him.
By memorizing the Fa, my character improved.
My husband’s eldest daughter once walked into the house barefoot. I quickly took out a pair of slippers and put them under her feet, “The floor is cold, you should wear slippers.” She refused without even looking at me and just walked away. I calmly put the slippers back on the shoe rack. Another time, as soon as she entered the house, she said, “This room is so dirty! There is dust everywhere, and there is no place to stand. You should clean it up!” I replied, “Okay! Okay!” In fact, we had just cleaned the house the night before, and it was not dirty at all.
After I finished memorizing Zhuan Falun, my husband said he noticed changes in me: “In the past, whenever I gave you examples from the Fa teachings, you refused to listen and kept complaining that I didn’t educate my children well. You are different now. You have changed a lot!”
I no longer get angry no matter what my stepdaughters say. However, I still have resentment, which I know I should work on next. Memorizing the Fa really helped my cultivation. I hope all my fellow practitioners can memorize the Fa. Only when we assimilate to the characteristics of Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance can one truly elevate their xinxing.
When I first started practicing, I had a strong sense of self and was outspoken. I always looked at others and pointed out anything I thought was not aligned with the Fa. I thought I was doing it for their own good. But I never considered their feelings and annoyed a lot of practitioners.
When I first came into contact with my stepchildren, I did not have the Fa in my heart. So when they provided opportunities for me to improve, I often looked at their flaws and thought, “How could they be so ignorant and have no sense of traditional Chinese virtues? They do not even seem to be educated!”
They once picked a quarrel with me for no reason and wanted to hit me. After they were pulled away, the younger one grabbed my hand and bit it hard. Her uncle and aunt happened to see it and said, “Is this human behavior? You’re like a wolf!”
I thought, “I married your father, who had no money, and use my pension to provide for us. Your father and I help each other in our lives and in cultivation. How dare you call me dirty, call me cheap, bite me, and hit me!
“When your father was in such poor health that he could barely walk, you still asked him to grocery shop, cook, and do housework. Even so, you gave him dirty looks, scaring him so much that he didn’t even dare to eat a full meal in front of you. Within two months, he was reduced to skin and bones, and your relatives were shocked when they saw him! You have a decent incomes from your businesses, yet you wanted our money, which was barely enough to meet our basic needs! If I was not a cultivator, I wouldn’t forgive you! Could someone like you have a good future? When the big elimination comes, won’t you be the first to go?”
I did not fight back because Master kept injecting these words into my mind: “A cultivator cannot hit back! Just endure it!”
I often imagined and rehearsed scenarios in my mind, like how clever and courageous I would be when we fought. I completely forgot I was a cultivator. Not only was I not compassionate, I was also mean. As a result, I started to feel nauseous and dizzy when I played these scenarios in my mind. If I ate something, I would vomit and have diarrhea, and I would alternate between feeling hot and cold.
How could my body be healthy when my head was full of resentment? What should I do? I thought of leaving my husband, but that would be exactly the opposite of my original intention. It would bring shame to Dafa. Meanwhile, I doubted my husband could withstand such a blow.
I continued to have physical symptoms and realized I must take my cultivation seriously. I looked within, and my husband helped me, too. I found more than 20 attachments I should get rid of. While memorizing the Fa, I also studied Master’s newer lectures and intensified my sending righteous thoughts to eliminate those attachments. I found my righteous thoughts were much stronger after memorizing the Fa. The more I memorized the Fa, the quicker I could catch my bad thoughts and eliminate them.
I no longer imagined those fighting scenarios. Before I encountered my stepdaughters, I intentionally recited more Fa about improving xinxing. I found that this preparation was very helpful, and I was able to control myself and not get angry at them.
Yet there were several times when, although I controlled myself well in front of them, I was very upset as soon as they left. I once almost punched the desk with my fist, but I immediately knew I should not do that. I reminded myself, “I must always remember I’m a cultivator and measure myself with the standards of the Fa. Master is mercifully saving us. I cannot waste this opportunity of a lifetime! I cannot let sentients being down. I must always maintain and improve my xinxing and balance well my relationships with others.” I wrote this on a piece of paper and read it repeatedly until I calmed down.
I have memorized Zhuan Falun twice. When my stepdaughters are unpleasant and say hurtful words, I can now remain calm and unaffected. I thought, “If everyone was good, there would be no need for a Fa-rectification.”
In fact, ordinary people are pitiful. They give their virtue away and think they have the upper hand. As cultivators, we can only thank them. They are helping us to cultivate. If they knew they would suffer such a great loss, they would never do it. I sincerely hope more people can change their attitude. That would be good for them!
Other practitioners also noticed that I improved. They said I no longer sounded so abrasive, and they could see from my eyes that I sincerely considered others first.
I will continue to cultivate diligently and assist Master to save more sentient beings.