Looking Inward Changed the Outcome of Events

(Minghui.org) I ran into many difficulties and challenges a few years ago while helping former practitioners return to Falun Dafa cultivation. There were times when I was resentful and even wanted to give up on cultivation. Yet, by persistently looking inward and rectifying my thinking, I was able to stay the course and elevate myself. Without Master’s sound advice to always look inward and study the Fa, the outcome could have been disastrous.

I have been meaning to share my experience so it could be of help to others. I hope it serves as a reminder to all that in cultivating ourselves and helping Master rectify the Fa, we must be strict with ourselves and take cultivation seriously. When conflicts arise, we have to examine ourselves instead of blaming others. It is all too easy for the old forces to exploit our loopholes if we harbor human notions and attachments.

Letting My Righteous Thoughts Be the Force to Move Forward

When I heard that some Dafa practitioners had complaints about me a few years ago, I promptly looked inward to examine myself. I found many attachments but somehow felt that the root cause was obscured. I couldn’t pinpoint it right away and needed some time to dig deeper and sort it out.

I had made plans to start contacting a few former practitioners in the hope of helping them return to Dafa. I believed it was my responsibility and a sacred vow I’d made in the past, so I had to fulfill it. After evaluating the situation, I decided to set my plans in motion, then take some time to examine my cultivation state to find my shortcomings.

A few other practitioners and I formed a team to look for and contact former practitioners. Just as we started making progress, a menacing entity appeared in my dimensional field. Its existence suggested a great danger was looming over me. I was taken over by fear and anxiety and felt I could be arrested at anytime. I started to doubt whether I should have contacted the former practitioners and even contemplated leaving town.

But I didn’t want to do anything rash. Instead of running away, I calmed my mind and looked inward. As I carefully examined my thoughts, it stood out to me how passive I was in going about contacting former practitioners. External factors were pushing me forward, and I wasn’t fully committed to my own plans. With this becoming more and more clear, a surge of righteous thoughts and a renewed sense of responsibility rose inside me. I decided to let my righteous thoughts be the force that moved me forward. I was ready to take ownership of this project and take charge.

Sharing with Practitioners and Gaining a Better Understanding of the Fa

When I visited one practitioner, I found there might be safety concerns with a truth-clarification project she was involved in. Several signs pointed to her possibly being followed by the police. I had concerns but worried that my understandings might not be accurate, so I didn’t express them directly, as I didn’t want to hold her back from helping Master save people. Instead, I shared my experience of looking inward and reminded her to be careful.

As I was talking to her, I sensed a sinister substance surrounding me and saw negative things in another dimension. I felt an enormous pressure but couldn’t tell if it was a warning from Master or interference from the old forces. I looked inward and found a few things where I fell short. I was unclear on the Fa principles in some areas, still had fear clarifying the truth in person, and was opinionated about certain aspects of cultivation.

Once I became aware of these problems, I looked into the Fa principles to help correct myself. I promised Master I would do better clarifying the truth moving forward. A sense of calmness became present in my dimensional field, coexisting with the invisible pressure.

I shared my thoughts with the practitioners on the team and hoped to find loopholes in our cultivation. I saw a stream of dark energy coming toward me, separating right behind me and wrapping me in.

When I copied the Fa at home that night, a practitioner that I was close to popped into my head a few times. I was worried but didn’t know what to do. Just then, a Fa principle revealed its deeper meaning and I knew what to do. I saw in my mind scenes of this practitioner being persecuted. I was confused and felt helpless so I tried to shake it off and focus on executing my plan. It came to me later that it was a form of selfishness as I still had fear and wanted to protect myself from harm. I didn’t have a full grasp of the Fa principles.

Working Through Resentment

Right around the time Master published the article “Another Stern Warning,” the practitioner that I was close to became quite convinced that I was one of the negative beings Master referred to in the article. She even went as far as sharing her opinion about me with others, including those who had recently returned to Dafa cultivation with my help. I was speechless and overwhelmed with sadness.

I knew I couldn’t dwell on this, so after a little while I started to adjust my mentality. I wanted to get myself to a point where I could handle the matter calmly and with ample righteous thoughts. But I couldn’t do it. I looked inward and searched for the root cause of my sadness. I identified some issues but it didn’t help strengthen my righteous thoughts. A tense standoff took place in my mind: me verses the negativity from that practitioner. I desperately wanted to find where I fell short.

All of the practitioner’s hostile words and deeds were jumbled my mind and I had no way to resist them. As if a substance was restricting me, I couldn’t do anything. I remembered some past experiences of interacting with people and found traces of Party culture that made me passive in my actions. I went on to examine the practitioner’s hurtful words and what she had done. Although they seemed fierce at first, they were not rooted in anything substantial and eventually dissipated. I was quite surprised.

The next moment, I felt weak and a sense of hopelessness took over me. I felt as if I was heading toward a dead end in cultivation and was bound to give up, disregarding all of what I had achieved so far. I believed the life I led, including my physical body, would perish. I reminded myself that I couldn’t follow this train of thought, and I would not give up so easily. I needed to continue saving the sentient beings I had predestined relationships with. I needed to keep my physical body, so I tried to snap out of it.

A thought emerged after a short while: Master was using this form of conflict to protect me and make me search deeper within to find my shortcomings so I could elevate and measure up to the standards of the new universe. I decided to examine my state of cultivation comprehensively to pinpoint where I fall short. As fast as it came to me, the idea started to slip away and disappear. I fought to hold onto it.

A strong entity appeared in the energy field behind me. I carefully investigated and sensed a substance of kindness. My heart then became peaceful and the idea of looking inward grew stronger. However, bitter resentment took over my mind and stopped me from looking inward. I was not clear how to resolve it, so I decided to sit there and keep my mind still.

To my surprise, the resentment slowly faded away and the idea of looking inward grew stronger. Although practitioners had mixed opinions about me and some had done things that caused me great pain, I didn’t want to give up on them. I couldn’t let them down, as they were beings who placed their faith in Dafa and cultivate kindness. A sense of responsibility rose inside of me: “I have to help them. I must keep looking inward and find my shortcomings so I can fulfill my vow and promise to Master and sentient beings. I must be righteous and honest with myself, and not to hold back or try to hide anything.” With this thought, tears rolled down my face. I reminded myself to stay strong.

Holding back the tears, I was fully committed to looking inward and finding the real problems that still existed in my cultivation. My righteous thoughts grew stronger by the second, and I felt taller and more confident inside. When I stood up, a wave of resentment shot through my body and surged toward my head. I was so weak and frustrated that I couldn’t suppress or eliminate it. I used all the willpower I could muster and barely kept it at bay.

I tried to analyze this substance of resentment and came to a rough conclusion that it was there because I didn’t like the practitioner’s comments about me being a negative being. I couldn’t rationalize it or refute the accusation. I felt wronged but couldn’t do anything about it. I knew everything we encountered as cultivators was arranged by Master, but I didn’t want to find excuses for my attachments. I was at a complete loss on how to approach the problem and became frustrated. Even thoughts such as “Dafa is not real” and “I have been deceived” crossed my mind.

I found myself on the verge of giving up on Dafa cultivation. I tried to suppress these thoughts and remembered my opinion of those who gave up cultivating before. Then it became clear that I could not betray Master. I struggled to stifle the bad thoughts and couldn’t calm down. Without a clue as what to do, I walked in circles around my living room like a caged bird and saw no way out of this predicament.

Tormented, I looked up at Master’s portrait on the wall and remembered past incidents where I felt Master’s compassion and guidance. I had let Master down. I had not cultivated myself well and failed to do what I was supposed to do. I was guilt-ridden and disappointed with myself.

Just then, my phone rang. It was a practitioner. I didn’t know what to say to her but knew I had to do the responsible thing and not in any way misguide her. I tried my best to suppress my negative thoughts and only shared with her that my deepest regret was that I had let Master down.

After I hung up, my energy field was calm and serene like never before. My thoughts were clear and rational as I tried to figure out what to do next. I remembered what I learned a few days ago while hand copying the Fa. I should pay attention to and cultivate my every thought and action. The helplessness and resentment disappeared. I felt like I was in a different realm and my energy field was calm and serene. Even my movements were ever so relaxed.

Studying the Fa and Looking Inward

All my thoughts went away. I subconsciously glanced over in the direction of my bed. A thought formed and prompted me to sit down. As I slowly sat down on the edge of the bed, I noticed the resentful substance was back, only much less intense this time. I had not eliminated this substance completely and needed to figure out a way to do it. The idea of copying the Fa came to my mind and lifted my mood. I was eager to get started, believing my cultivation state was finally back on the right path.

I got up to move to the desk and remembered having the thought that Dafa was not real just earlier. I made myself eliminate this thought completely before studying the Fa. Then my past cultivation experiences all rushed into my mind and assured me, body and soul, in the most tangible way that Dafa is real. Filled with joy, I repeated over and over again, “Dafa is real! Dafa is real!” A huge weight was lifted off my chest. My mind was clear and my commitment to studying the Fa was fortified.

While copying the Fa, I remembered being dangerously close to giving up on cultivation. I looked inward, searching for the root cause of this thought and realized I had always had my doubts about whether I was a real Dafa practitioner. This realization shook loose a thick substance that had been stuck there for a long long time and now finally there was an opening—a way out.

I sent righteous thoughts to eliminate this substance and continued looking inward. As I jotted down my thought process, a voice popped up in my mind, “Are you a Dafa practitioner?” I said I was. The voice asked, “What’s your proof?” My mind went automatically to the many incredible things I experienced when I first took up the practice and my understandings of the Fa at that time.

My memory of the past was vivid and fresh. It made me see how my thinking had evolved from when I was a child to well into my adulthood. It became obvious that I had always harbored jealousy and competitiveness. I recalled incidents from my childhood and how they had impacted me as a person. These gave great insights into where I fell short in cultivation and explained my weak righteous thoughts at times. I found negative substances in my field that weren’t compassionate or righteous, which stemmed from my sentimentality.

I had the tendency to hold others to high standards, acted superior, and always wanted to change other people. I lacked tolerance and compassion. It had a lot to do with the way I was raised, but I couldn’t list anything specific. I simply wasn’t taught how to be a kind and decent person growing up. My good, true nature was stifled as the negative substance grew and took over me.

When I realized all this, a new substance appeared and gave me a new perspective on life and cultivation. I was overwhelmed with emotion and tears welled up. I also became aware of how critical and disapproving I was toward others and society, because I was measuring everything against Dafa’s standards.

I was able to stay calm on the surface, but grew increasingly anxious on the inside because of an enormous pressure. I was too scared to read articles on Minghui.org or Master’s article “Another Stern Warning.” I looked within and found that in my mind, articles on Minghui.org and Master’s new article all drew attention to my shortcomings.

Although I was terrified and anxious, I continued to examine myself and found that I very much disliked being criticized. I decided to not let this substance move me one way or the other, but to move forward instead. I needed to face my mistakes and failures. Even when it felt like I was being scolded when I read Master’s article, and my shortcomings were being scrutinized by practitioners when I read practitioners’ articles on Minghui.org, I needed to consider their advice and face my problems with courage.

I suppressed my anxiety and tried to break through my fear. With shaking hands, I logged onto the Minghui website and read “Another Stern Warning” several times and held onto the idea of looking inward to examine myself. Gradually, my frame of mind and capacity broadened, and I was no longer anxious.

Regaining Righteous Thoughts After Several Arrests

A few days later, Minghui.org reported on the arrests of several practitioners whom I had recently been in contact with. As I suspected, the truth-clarification project one practitioner was involved in was monitored by the police. I was shocked by the news and felt an enormous amount of pressure bearing down on me. I was anxious, worried, and confused. I considered the possibility of all these arrests having something to do with me and worried about the safety of other practitioners I worked closely with. I was at a loss and didn’t know what to do.

Random irrational thoughts ran through my mind, and I had no righteous thoughts to speak of. Then I recognized all of this could have been arranged to help me improve. I told myself to stay rational and maintain righteous thoughts. I had to be bigger and tougher in the face of adversity and I had to be able to handle it. I decided to continue studying the Fa and looking inward.

Master soon helped me see the fact I had completely forgotten the reason I wanted to help those practitioners return to Dafa in the first place. My thinking had drifted far away from my original plan to stay aligned with the Fa. I lost sight of my responsibilities and forgot how sacred it is to cultivate in Dafa, thus I lacked righteous thoughts. I was heading toward showing off and validating myself and placed myself above others.

I knew I must rectify myself and build strong righteous thoughts based on the Fa. I tried to revisit my cultivation journey, and by comparing and learning from past experiences, go back to the state I once was in when I first obtained the Fa. An indestructible righteous thought rose from the microscopic level of my being when I remembered my vow from a time long ago. It was my responsibility and I was determined to fulfill it. My doubts and worries disappeared. I felt substantiated and confident and was ready to do anything to help practitioners return to Dafa.

I was reminded once again that all problems and difficulties we encounter in cultivation were arranged to help us improve. I overcame a strong force that had been stopping me and finally was able to take a step forward.

The next day, I found out another practitioner that recently worked with me on clarifying the truth in the surrounding areas was arrested. I worried it was all because of me and my mistakes. I was even more worried about the safety of the practitioners around me.

Because my husband and I had reinforced safety measures around our home and double checked our online security, my attachments to money and profit surfaced. I didn’t want to be poor and was afraid of suffering financial losses. All kinds of selfish thoughts cropped up. However, being able to recognize these attachments made me feel better.

I visited a few practitioners and was eager to find out more about the arrest and how other practitioners were doing. While out and about, I could feel the pressure and fear mounting. I tried to suppress them while figuring out how my righteous thoughts could emerge.

A sharing article by my son reminded me that the universe’s characteristic of Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance is restricting everything. With this thought, the substance of fear slowly dissipated and Master’s Fa dominated. As I assimilated to the Fa, strong righteous thoughts emerged from the microscopic level of my being. I felt as if I had been transported to this vast and distant space and found myself accompanied by the sun, moon, stars, and the endless open earth.

When I got home, however, the righteous thoughts diminished. The pressure made a comeback and I panicked. When I told my husband about it, he comforted me and offered words of encouragement, which he rarely does. He even stayed by my side to make sure I was okay. I tried to ignore the tightening of panic in my gut and focused on the fact that we were fulfilling our vows. Surprisingly, this gave me some confidence that the practitioner would be safe. But my confidence still wavered.

I fell asleep and had a vivid dream. I was with the arrested practitioner and his family. He and his wife both ignored me. I didn’t know what to do, and then I saw their child looking at me. The child’s innocent expression conveyed genuine kindness and trust. Righteous thoughts arose in me and I told the couple that we were fulfilling our vows. The practitioner’s tone softened and he told me that he was released soon after the arrest.

I visited other practitioners the next morning to find out more about the practitioner’s arrest. Together, we visited his wife and found out he’d been released shortly after the arrest, just like in my dream. I learned a few months later that the practitioner’s arrest happened while he was clarifying the truth when a passerby reported him to the police.

Continuing to Cultivate and Improve

Without Master’s help and protection, and without having laid a solid foundation by studying the Fa, I would have never been able get through this tribulation.

There were two occasions when I was too anxious to go to sleep, so I got up and wrote down my thought process in detail. I was honest with Master and told Master I was scared. I fell asleep soon after and slept really well. Many such incidents reminded me that Master is always watching over me.

I had many breakthroughs and improved a lot in the process, yet I didn’t feel that I had truly risen above my attachments and broken through them. When another practitioner criticized me, I thought there were still so many things I needed to work on. While studying the Fa later that day, Fa principles were revealed to me and I was able to accept the practitioner’s negative comments. I recognized the real me through the Fa, and once again witnessed Master’s compassion.

I’ve strengthened my Fa study and have done much self-reflecting over the past few months. By writing down what I was going through in my cultivation and my thought process, it helped me find more of my attachments and gave me new insights and better understandings of the Fa. It became clear to me that my shortcomings, as well as the shortcomings of the practitioner who criticized me, were all imposed by the old forces.

I had a dream that night in which many practitioners came to visit me. I was particularly concerned about one of them. When this practitioner experienced serious sickness karma a year later in real life, she came to me for help. We supported each other in the following months and improved together.

It took me months before I felt that I had finally gotten my cultivation back on track and was able to have strong righteous thoughts like a true practitioner. An unshakable substance, standing tall between heaven and earth, filled my body and soul. It was bright and pure and completely unstoppable. The moment I felt it, tears streamed down my face. I was deeply touched.

With endless gratitude and reverence, I sent a New Year greeting to Master through Minghui.org. I told Master I would continue to study the Fa and look inward in the coming year. To keep my promise, I dared not slack off and stayed motivated in my cultivation. Every time I think of this experience, I can’t help feeling overwhelmed and getting teary-eyed.

I cultivated solidly and worked through my attachments diligently over the following year. Master helped me understand that helping practitioners return to Dafa and supporting them in cultivation is a practitioner’s responsibility and sacred mission. It’s something we all should do. How well we do is a direct manifestation of our state of cultivation. This too is the process of cultivating and improving oneself.

When I was criticized and marginalized by the local practitioners, Master gave me encouragement through my dreams to get rid of my fear and go look for practitioners who had stopped cultivating. Practitioners’ words and deeds helped me find my shortcomings and renew my righteous thoughts.

With Master's compassion and guidance, I started a new chapter in my cultivation. I’ve helped several practitioners become more committed and they now truly cultivate in Dafa. I still have many shortcomings, but they can motivate and help me improve in cultivation. As long as I follow Master’s guidance and cultivate solidly, I will succeed and achieve consummation.