Inappropriate Reaction Showed the Importance of Examining Myself

(Minghui.org) My wife and I go to another practitioner’s place every day to read Falun Dafa teachings. We read one lecture a day in Zhuan Falun, the main Book of Falun Dafa, and then do the exercises. The host’s son came home for a few days so we had to study the Fa by ourselves during his visit.

We realized there is a huge difference between reading on our own verses studying in a group. My wife and I got drowsy and misread characters. We also read slowly. A problem is that we are almost 70 years old and sometimes need glasses when we read.

When we read the Fa on our own, my wife was sleepy and made many mistakes. The first night, it took us three hours to read one lecture. She made even more mistakes the next day. She read the wrong lines and lost her place in the book. I began to lose patience with her. Even my tone of voice was not compassionate. Feeling irritated, I said, “What happened to you? You misread that sentence. Read it again.” I was unable to keep a calm heart, and my thoughts were not kind or compassionate.

How could I treat another practitioner this way? I am Master Li Hongzhi’s disciple, and so is she. How could I be so unkind to a fellow practitioner? Is this how I cultivate? Full of regret, I began to search within myself. What attachments caused me to behave this way? I did not overreact when we read with other practitioners, so why did I become irritated with her? 

I realized that the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) indoctrination, competitiveness, hatred and jealousy were the root cause. In over 20 years of cultivation, I only worked on the attachments I saw on the surface—I never examined what was behind them. 

I often looked outward when problems surfaced, instead of looking inward, as Master asked us to. I tended to argue, complain, and became resentful if something did not align with my view.

My wife began practicing Falun Dafa in 2008. Since the CCP began its persecution of Falun Dafa and practitioners in July 1999, I was detained in a brainwashing center twice, and I spent three years in a forced labor camp twice. 

When the persecution began it was as if the sky was falling on my family. My elderly father had mental issues, our son was in college and our daughter was still in elementary school. The heavy responsibilities landed on my wife’s shoulders. She was not strong physically. Nonetheless, given Master’s protection and other practitioners selfless help, she made it through. 

She not only did the household chores, she also worked and raised a pig to subsidize our income, and helped pay for our son’s college expenses. In addition, she visited me once a month at the labor camp. The prison ward pressured her to divorce me. She always said no. She stayed by me and even helped me find employment when I was released. She did more and went above and beyond what an ordinary person would.

After she began practicing Dafa, she recovered from chronic headaches and dizziness. the Board of Education did not allow me to teach, instead, I was assigned to tend the school’s furnace in 2008. My wife helped me shovel coal for a couple of hours so I could join group Fa study. When I helped with truth clarification projects, my wife took over my responsibilities in the boiler room. She did everything without complaining.

Now, our cultivation environment is getting better so are our living conditions. When our desire for comfort went up, our cultivation relaxed. Our attachments for worldly things was obvious. As a result, both of us became sleepy during Fa study, when we exercised and sent righteous thoughts.

When I deeply searched inward I realized I hadn’t eliminated every trace of indoctrination by the CCP that had formed over many years. I also knew this being exposed was a good opportunity to eliminate this negative mindset.

I said to Master, “I made a mistake, this unkindness is not the real me. Please help me get rid of my hatred, competitiveness, and jealousy.” As soon as I said this, my body felt extremely comfortable, and I knew Master eliminated the bad substances. The next time we read the Fa I noticed my wife made fewer mistakes.

Master said, “The entire cultivation process for a cultivator is one of constantly giving up human attachments.” (Lecture One, Zhuan Falun)

I understand that this xinxing tribulation is a process of eliminating the demon nature and increasing our Buddha nature. We must look within first when we encounter any tribulations, reflect and cultivate ourselves, and not be blinded by the CCP indoctrination we experienced and modern ideology. The time to cultivate is about to end, let’s treasure the remaining cultivation path and stay diligent.