Rooting Out “Fear”

(Minghui.org) I was arrested in March 2022 when I was distributing Falun Dafa truth-clarification materials and was under residential surveillance for half-a-year.

Before the arrest, Master hinted that I might be facing a tribulation. One morning, I found the heater in the brick bed leaking. It soaked a large patch of the carpet. This had never happened before. I didn’t pay attention to it, but it was actually a hint that the old forces were taking advantage of my loophole when I slacked off in cultivation.

What pained me the most was that the police broke into my home and confiscated my valuable Dafa materials, Master’s portrait, three Dafa books, and two sets of Fa lecture videos. Deep remorse interwoven with fear made me fearful for a long time. I distributed truth clarification materials less often and almost stopped helping people quit the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) and its youth organizations.

When I was making materials at home, I feared the police would break in and arrest me at any time, and I always thought wherever I put the Dafa books, computer, and printer wasn’t safe. I was also responsible for producing the Minghui Weekly, but due to my unsteady state of mind, the characters in the materials I made were blurred. I knew I had problem. I sent forth righteous thoughts to disintegrate the evil interference, but I couldn’t get rid of it. The more I withdrew into myself, the more fearful I became.

Unfortunately, fellow practitioner and coordinator Bao (alias) was arrested and taken to a detention center at that time. I heard that one of the reasons Bao was arrested was that we were both caught on a surveillance camera talking to people, and the police were searching for me. I felt huge pressure.

Bao was released on bail more than a month later. He came to my home, and the first thing he said was to suggest that I not make Dafa materials anymore. He said many practitioners in the nearby rural areas were suffering from illness karma and I should focus on coordinating and communicating with those practitioners to help them and should move my equipment elsewhere. He added, “Do you think you are safe now?”

Although I didn’t agree with his remarks, I still trusted him. I wondered if he was trying to tell me something that he knew but couldn’t tell me directly. That increased my fear. I asked Bao to take one of the printers and moved the rest of the equipment to other practitioners’ places. I never thought I would ever move the equipment for saving people since I established my family materials site in 2004. Even so, I was still frightened. During the CCP’s “Two Conferences” from March 2022 to 2023, the police constantly harassed me at home, which made me feel depressed and difficult to move forward, even for one step.

I told a close practitioner friend about my situation and Bao’s suggestion. She said, “You have been making materials for over 20 years. It is what Master arranged for you. Now you want to stop doing it. How can Master count on you?” I was shocked. Yes! If I don’t do it, who will? Where were my righteous thoughts? I have been cultivating for over 20 years and have studied the Fa a great deal. Why was I thinking of stopping at this key point in time?

The worst thing was that I used to complain in my mind: “Master, why isn’t it over yet?” When I recall this now, wasn’t I complaining about Master?

I recently studied Master’s new lecture “Stay Out of Danger” and was even more embarrassed and scared. I confessed to benevolent Master: I am ashamed of what I thought of Master!

I had established the material site, helped people quit the CCP, worked with fellow practitioners to distribute materials on a large scale in rural places, and validated Dafa by working as one body. I never withdrew despite difficulties, dangers, and the aggressiveness of the evil. So why were the rotten factors of fear in my dimensional field still interfering with me so badly?

I looked inward on a deeper level and found the reason: I didn’t cultivate solidly—there was a disconnect between studying the Fa and putting it into practice. The attachment to comfort led to regression in my cultivation, and the lack of righteous thoughts and wisdom gave rise to the attachment of fear. I wasn’t fearful before that, maybe because the fear was covered up by the attachment to doing things, but the bad substance was still there.

Master said,

“As true practitioners, we should look at issues from a very high level instead of from the perspective of everyday people.” (Lecture Six, Zhuan Falun)

When my unrighteous thoughts popped up, wasn’t it a good opportunity for me to clear them out? Master is trying to make us who we are, how can I slide down along with the bad thoughts? After I understood this, I felt relaxed and clear-headed. I moved all the equipment back home and resumed my Dafa work with a rational mind and strong righteous energy.

I now attach great importance to letting go of fear. I frequently remind myself that the attachment of fear is not my real self and to always negate the negative thoughts, because Master never arranged such dangers for us.

Whenever and whatever bad thoughts show up, that is the moment for us to remove them. Master uses all tribulations to let us enlighten to the Fa and eliminate our karma. I assure myself that I am cultivating the cosmic Dafa, which is unprecedented and never to be duplicated. I am walking on the greatest path—that of following Master to validate the Fa and save sentient beings! I am safeguarding the cosmic truth! I have enlightened to the deeper connotation of what Master meant when he said to “cultivate in an upright and dignified manner” (Lecture Seven, Zhuan Falun).