(Minghui.org) I am 76 this year and have been cultivating in Falun Dafa since 1998. Over the last twenty-some years, I have experienced tribulations and was able to pull through all of them thanks to Master’s compassionate salvation, protection, and help. Today, I would like to share how I cultivated my xinxing in my home environment.
After I started practicing, miraculous things happened to me one after another—the incurable disease I previously had was gone; I was able to do all kinds of work without much effort; I was full of high spirits and energy all day long, among other things. Most importantly, I now understood the meaning of cultivation and had a goal and purpose in life.
Having witnessed the notable changes in my physical and mental health, all my family members believed that Dafa was great and were very supportive of my cultivation.
However, the Chinese Communist Party (CCP), headed by Jiang Zemin at the time, launched a cruel and bloody suppression of Dafa and its practitioners on July 20, 1999. As the persecution intensified, Dafa disciples inside China were faced with difficult life-and-death tests. A large number of Dafa practitioners were arrested and imprisoned; because of the torture they suffered, many became disabled, mentally disordered, and were killed, and some fell victim to live organ harvesting.
My family members knew how vicious and brutal Jiang and the CCP could be and were very worried about my safety. So, they tried to stop me from practicing, especially after the police searched and ransacked my home twice. After years of imprisonment, the torture I suffered caused hearing impairment in my ears. My family and children also suffered enormous pressure as a result of all that I experienced.
My siblings were scared and worried about me and developed negative thoughts about me practicing Falun Dafa. Coupled with the CCP’s lies and slander, they changed from initially supporting Falun Dafa to later vehemently denying and rejecting the practice.
When I returned home from prison, I found that my home environment had changed. I felt trapped in an oppressive and confining environment, and, still had to face the choice of whether to continue the practice like when I was in prison. At home I had to deal with the constant, unreasonable, excessive, and pitiful pleadings of my family members and relatives.
Master Li gave me a hint: To get through such a test, I must let go of family sentiments, treat my family with the great compassion of a Dafa practitioner, and help my family members change their distorted views through truth-clarification so that they could be saved.
My husband is a few years older than me. Some years ago, he fell ill and became bedridden, and could not take care of himself anymore. During the years I was imprisoned, my children looked after him. After I returned home, I took over the responsibility of caring for him.
When I first got back home, all my family members watched me and tried every means to stop me from practicing Dafa. They refused to listen when I tried to talk with them about Falun Dafa. My children also asked their uncles and aunties from far away to come and persuade me to give up cultivation. I remained unmoved, and they left feeling disappointed. I wasn’t sure how to pull through the bottleneck in my cultivation at home at that time and asked Master for help.
It was in 2007, while I was struggling with the tense home environment, that a large abscess appeared on my leg. It grew larger and larger and started oozing pus and tissue fluid. My children wanted to take me to the hospital, but I refused to go. I told them that it was a good thing. I was only paying off my karmic debts, and it was nothing to worry about. They wouldn’t listen to or believe me. They called my siblings and asked them to try to persuade me to go to a doctor, but I was still unmoved.
Failing that, my son invited a doctor to give me a checkup at home. The doctor said a lot of terrible things about my problem and the severe consequences of not having it treated in time. Still, I remained unmoved, regardless of what he said.
“I’m a Dafa cultivator, and what I have is not a disease, but a process of karma elimination by my Master. I will be fine as soon as I resume studying the Fa and doing the exercises. Just wait and see,” I said to my family and the doctor.
Sure enough, as soon as I resumed regular Fa study and doing the exercises, the swelling on my thigh subsided quickly, the discharge of pus and blood from the abscess stopped, and new flesh grew quickly. Soon, the wound on my leg was healed and there wasn’t even a tiny scar on the skin.
Through this test, I not only eliminated karma but also resumed regular Fa study and doing the exercises. My family members once again witnessed the extraordinary power of Dafa, and my home environment changed for the better. I was grateful for Master’s arrangement. What happened to me has once again validated the great Fa principle,
“Cultivation depends on one’s own efforts, while the transformation of gong is done by one’s master.” (Lecture One, Zhuan Falun)
I experienced two tests of sickness karma. One was a wrist fracture, and the other was a fracture in my right ankle. When they happened, my first thought was the line in Zhuan Falun,
“When it’s difficult to endure, you can endure it. When it’s impossible to do, you can do it.” (Lecture Nine, Zhuan Falun)
I endured the severe pain, did the household chores, and went about my life as if everything was normal.
At the same time, I asked Master to help me get through the tribulation. In each instance, the swelling in the injured area quickly subsided, and the fractures were mended, leaving no sign on the surface.
By the time my children came back home, I was back to normal and moved around freely. They started to support me in my cultivation from their hearts. I felt very happy for them as the change in attitude towards Dafa had given them new hope for a bright future. I also realized that when we genuinely cultivate, Master will take care of us.
Earlier, when my family, including my children, couldn’t understand why I insisted on practicing Dafa, I blamed them for being manipulated by demons and felt resentment toward them. After studying the Fa repeatedly and looking inward, I realized that the fundamental problem was my self-centered attitude and selfishness. Master wants us to cultivate to the point that we live for the benefit of others, but what I cared about was succeeding in cultivation. I wanted to reach consummation, so I had to be diligent: I mustn’t be stopped or dragged down, I mustn’t be left behind, etc. I was thinking about myself all the time instead of considering others and how they could be saved.
After I realized my problem, my attitude toward my family members changed. I felt sorry for them. Their negative attitude toward Dafa was the result of the lies and poison instilled in their minds by the CCP and the manipulation of evil elements. I thought: “My whole family knows the cruelty of the CCP, and the reason they don’t want me to continue to practice Dafa is mostly because they are worried about my safety. They don’t want to see me suffer again at the hands of the CCP. My children still hold onto traditional values of filial piety for their parents and are kindhearted by nature.”
With this understanding, I started sending righteous thoughts to eliminate the evil elements behind them and dissolve their resentment and misunderstanding with compassionate thoughts.
Taking care of my husband is another huge test of my xinxing. My husband is 1.8 meters (5 ft 11 inches) tall and weighs more than 100 kilograms (220 pounds). Even though he is bedridden and cannot take care of himself, he has a fairly good appetite. His digestive and urinary systems function well. The big trouble is that he refuses to wear diapers. Each time I put a diaper on him, he pulls it off and throws it aside the minute I leave. He urinates all over the bed, on the floor, or in his pants.
Worse still, he never presses the bell near his bed when he needs to have a bowel movement. He goes in his pants and, very often, smears the feces all over the place. He does the same thing every day, without exception. Sometimes, he will defecate more than once a day and urinate on the floor. The whole house is filled with an overpowering stench. When our children come for a visit, they open all the windows, even in the cold winter. I told my husband to use a urine bag and press the bell when he needed to use the toilet, but he refused.
I was busy all day looking after him and cleaning up his messes. In addition, I cooked, did the household chores, and always felt exhausted by the end of the day. I had to find time for Fa study and the exercises between all this, despite being exhausted.
My husband, on the other hand, seemed to be enjoying himself and was very relaxed. He would chat with me nonstop whenever he liked, and it felt like he was tormenting me on purpose. It was obvious that the old forces had arranged this with the excuse of reducing my karma, and their ultimate goal was to stop me from Dafa cultivation.
For my benefit, Master made use of the situation to check how I cultivated myself, how I would break through the test to negate the arrangements of the old forces, and what cultivation state I could eventually reach.
When I first came home from prison and took over caring for my husband, it was really difficult. I found it hard to breathe because of the offensive smell in the house. I felt so sick when cleaning up the sticky stools in his pants that I almost vomited, and I lost my appetite for any food. I felt anguish, resentment, and was unbalanced. From time to time, I quarreled with my husband and even hit him when I got really uptight. However, he never reacted to my emotions or said anything back. He just carried on as usual.
Later, through more Fa study, I realized that for a Dafa practitioner, nothing happens by chance, and I must cultivate solidly in all situations. So, I started by dealing with my dislike of hardship and irrational fear of dirt and offensive smells. Gradually, I could hardly smell anything when cleaning up the messes in my husband’s pants.
I thought: Master must have shut down my sense of smell when he saw I had the heart to cultivate solidly. Master made use of my difficult situation so that I could cultivate kindness and tolerance, and reach a higher level of living entirely for the benefit of others. With this understanding, all the complaints, anger, and resentment I harbored in my heart in the past disappeared. It was such a wonderful feeling.
Nowadays, I take care of my husband with kindness and patience. All my family members have a positive attitude towards Dafa and are again very supportive of my cultivation.
In cultivation, we must be able to suffer hardships. I have kept rectifying myself according to Master’s requirements, and in the end, my family members and my children have been saved because they hold a positive attitude towards Dafa.
I feel that there are many opportunities for cultivation in the home environment and opportunities for us to cultivate to maturity. From my experiences, I have learned that as long as I look at things based on the Fa and truly cultivate myself, I can walk well the path arranged by Master and calmly break through the thresholds and difficult tests along the way. The process of returning to our original kind nature is also a process of elevating to a higher realm of living for the benefit of others.
Thank you, Master! Thank you, fellow practitioners!