Discovering the Source of My Resentment and Eliminating It

(Minghui.org) I held many grievances about people and things. I was especially critical of other Falun Dafa practitioners. Whenever something didn’t go my way I blamed them and said they didn’t behave like practitioners. Whenever I faced an issue my first reaction was to think negatively about the other practitioners. I didn’t realize it, but I judged practitioners using an ordinary person’s standard.

As I studied the Fa more and did the exercises regularly my xinxing gradually improved, and Master gave me hints to help me see my problem and the origin of my intense resentment.

Master Arranged for a New Practitioner to Give Me Hints

I deeply resented Aunt Li (a practitioner) because she had conflicts with my mother before my mother died. I knew it was wrong to resent another practitioner and I tried to suppress this human emotion. I was able to occasionally maintain a peaceful demeanor and exchange pleasantries with her. I knew I had to eliminate my resentment and all other human attachments. The longer they lingered, the harder it would be for me to remove them.

We had to change the location of our Fa-study group. I said nothing during the discussion. Aunt Li walked in and, before anything was decided, she pointed at me and said, “Let’s go to your house!” Everyone turned to me, and I felt I was being picked on. Embarrassed, my long-hidden resentment towards her erupted, and I retorted sarcastically, “Why not go to your house? It’s more suitable.” We exchanged a few barbs after that. The issue was not resolved. When I quarreled with Aunt Li my mindset was not aligned with Dafa’s requirements for a genuine cultivator—I had no compassion and I was very agitated.

On my way home, I became even more upset when I thought about our exchange. I felt I hadn’t been tough enough on her and I should find a way to express all of my resentment for her the next time. I was completely worked up, and unaware of how far I was from Dafa’s teachings.

I briefly mentioned the incident to a new practitioner the following day, and assumed she would be on my side. To my surprise, she told me that my mindset was not aligned with the Fa. She talked for a long time about the harm caused by resentment between practitioners. I disagreed with her at first, but as she continued to give examples of why it was harmful to resent another practitioner I realized I had a problem.

I continued criticizing Aunt Li for not following the teachings. The new practitioner reminded me that my resentment for Aunt Li would harm her and also create karma for me. It was like a wake-up call for me, and I immediately realized I was at fault. I apologized to her and said that I knew what to do.

Eliminating Resentment

When I listened to practitioners’ sharing articles on Minghui Radio, many of them were about the harm resentment does in other dimensions. It again allowed me to see how terrible resentment was and how I was driven by this attachment that I should have immediately eliminated. I was filled with remorse and said, “Master, I was wrong. I hurt a fellow practitioner.”

When I saw Aunt Li the following week, I apologized to her. She said, “This situation also helped me improve my xinxing.” We smiled at each other, and I could feel the gap between us evaporate. The resentment I had for more than eight years was gone.

During this entire process Master helped me see my attachments and understand the terrible nature of resentment. I understood that practitioners should not have resentment because it harms others and ourselves.

Restraining a Negative Mindset

Another incident occurred sometime later, and my doubts about, disdain for, criticism of, and jealousy towards fellow practitioners all surfaced. After sending righteous thoughts and looking within, I told myself, “I must have done something wrong. Falun Dafa practitioners are the best people. Cultivation is about changing myself. These negative thoughts about practitioners are not mine and I must reject them! I’m a Falun Dafa practitioner and I follow the principles of Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance.”

Through this incident, I saw that my tendency to judge and evaluate things based on ordinary human notions whenever issues occurred was wrong and had to be completely eliminated. Practitioners should use the principles of the universe—Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance—to measure our thoughts and behaviors, especially when interacting with fellow practitioners.

I will learn to be humble, use Dafa’s standards to measure myself, correct myself, and I will diligently cultivate.

These are my understandings at my current level. Please point out anything that is not in line with the Fa (teachings)!