Resolving Long-Standing Resentment with My Daughter Under Falun Dafa’s Guidance

(Minghui.org) The negative trends in society greatly influenced our daughter and she became rebellious after she started middle school. She stopped taking her studies seriously.

She was eventually expelled from school because she went out of town with several classmates without telling us or the school. She became depressed, spent her days playing with those friends, and came home very late at night. Sometimes she didn’t come home at all. My wife and I were worried and couldn’t sleep.

My wife visited one of her friend’s homes to make sure she was safe. When our daughter found out, she was furious, saying it embarrassed her and damaged her reputation. After that she did not come home for several days. My wife was in tears and asked her to come home no matter how late it was, but our daughter completely ignored her.

We couldn’t believe how our once well-behaved child changed so drastically. My wife and I were always kind and honest, and took personal gain lightly. I didn’t drink, smoke, gamble, or have any bad habits, and we had a good reputation with our family, friends, and colleagues. Despite this positive family environment, our daughter’s behavior changed so much. We were heartbroken and couldn’t accept it.

I was patient with her at first. I encouraged her positively and discussed the importance of being a good person. But over time, seeing her stubborn behavior and rude attitude toward my wife, I felt she had gone too far. I became very upset while talking to her one day about her bad behavior. As my anger grew, I hit her. This only increased the gap between us and deepened her resentment.

It wasn’t just us; most parents we knew were struggling to discipline their children. We complained about how the chaos in society corrupted our children’s young minds, and we worried about them.

Later, I was fortunate to practice Falun Dafa. Master cleansed my body. My difficult illnesses that the hospitals couldn’t cure disappeared. I truly experienced the joy of being free of illness. More importantly, the teachings of Falun Dafa purified my mind and elevated my moral character. I understood the true purpose and meaning of life.

Master said,

“Some people will lose their temper in disciplining children and yell at them, making quite a scene. You should not be that way in disciplining children, and neither should you, yourselves get really upset. You should educate children with reason so that you can really teach them well.” (Lecture Nine, Zhuan Falun)

I repeatedly read this paragraph. I regretted irrationally criticizing my daughter in the past and felt sorry for the harm I did to her. When I measured my previous behavior with the Fa’s principles taught by Master. I realized I must hold myself to higher standards and measure right and wrong according to these principles.

I understood that I didn’t know how to educate my child. I was authoritative and controlling. My daughter was still young, but I was rude to her. Naturally this didn’t yield good results.

On the surface, it seemed like she was wrong. In reality, I felt she disrupted my life, and caused my wife and I pain. I was also worried about other people ridiculing our family. I acted as if I was doing things for her benefit, but deep in my heart, I was protecting my dignity and interests. I wasn’t kind to her, and I was resentful and angry. My harsh attitude only made her grow more distant and cold toward us.

In fact this approach of using harshness to counter harshness is a method rooted in Chinese Communist Party culture. It’s like rubbing salt into a wound, and makes the pain and resentment worse. True change comes from a change of heart. Criticism cannot change a person’s heart; it often has the opposite effect.

I’m grateful to have the guidance of the Fa principles, which taught me to live according to the standards of Truthfulness, Compassion, and Forbearance. This deepened my regret for my previous irrational behavior toward my daughter and the harm I caused her. I became determined to use my sincerity and kindness I cultivated through the Fa to resolve our long-standing resentment.

My daughter found a job, and her workplace was close to home. We invited her to continue to have meals with us at home. In the beginning, after eating, she only wiped the table and didn’t help us with the dishes or any other housework. My wife and I just smiled and didn’t say anything.

Her salary was only a few hundred yuan, so we gave her money for clothes and pocket money. Gradually, this helped bridge the emotional gap between us. In her free time, she told us stories about conflicts among her coworkers or about some of the chaotic phenomena in society.

I told her how my chronic illnesses were miraculously resolved without medication after practicing for more than 10 years. Because I no longer needed any medication, I saved my workplace a lot of medical expenses. Because I never claimed family medical expenses, my supervisors and the finance department praised me.

I told my daughter that if I did not practice Falun Dafa, I wouldn’t have behaved this way. Falun Dafa teaches people to be better, to look within during conflicts, and not blame others. I also apologized to her for my harsh attitude in the past and hoped she could forgive me. After years of tension, she smiled at me.

Our daughter read many truth-clarification materials, as well as Master’s new articles and Minghui Weekly. She also did the exercises with me. She even bought good quality paper and pens and carefully hand copied Zhuan Falun.

My daughter and I have been able to have heart-to-heart conversations, and we kindly point out each other’s shortcomings. The deep-seated grudges that built up for more than a decade have been resolved. She is now very considerate of us and helps with groceries and cooking. After we eat, she washes the dishes and cleans the kitchen.

A fellow practitioner once said, “Only when the heart changes can the environment change; only when the heart is beautiful can the environment be beautiful.” We now live in an atmosphere of laughter and joy, free from the gloom and the past tensions—our lives are filled with peace and happiness.

Compassionate Master guided our entire family on the path of returning to our true selves through cultivation. Falun Dafa dissolved the resentment that once divided us, and Master blessed our family with harmony and happiness. We are deeply grateful for Master’s compassionate salvation!