Cultivating Away Resentment, Grudges Resolved

(Minghui.org) I was illegally arrested and detained for 15 days when I went to a Falun Dafa practitioner’s home to deliver truth-clarification materials. My husband couldn’t bear the pressure, he divorced me and remarried. My daughter was only 12 years old. It was a big blow for her to suddenly lose her father’s love. She wrote the word “hate” on the window one night. She believed that her father left home because I practice Falun Dafa, while in reality it was the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) that caused this.

My daughter developed deep resentment toward me, and from then on, there was constant friction between us. At that time, I didn’t know how to cultivate my xinxing, nor did I know how to look inward and improve myself.

One day, my daughter was watching a soap opera on TV until late at night. I said to her, “It’s time to go to sleep.” She said ok, but kept watching. The second time, I tried to be patient and said to her, “Go to bed. It’s 11 o’clock.” She said she would when the episode finished. The third time I asked her, still suppressing my anger, “It’s already 3 o’clock! If you keep staying up, I’ll pull out the plug.” She didn’t reply this time. I couldn’t tolerate it any longer and turned off the power.

She was so angry that she didn’t talk to me for several days. I also felt that I went a bit too far, she was just a child after all. But then I thought, “Am I not doing this for her own good?” I always argued about who is right and who is wrong using human thinking.

After my daughter got married, I went to her house to help take care of her child. When she didn’t have enough money to buy an iPhone, she asked me for help. I said, “I don’t have that much money. Your aunt has some money in my possession. You can use it, but pay it back as soon as you can.”

She agreed. But she refused to pay it back when she had the money. When asked, she lied with a straight face, “I don’t have money, so I won’t pay it back!” I was so angry that my hands were shaking, forgetting that I am a cultivator.

Another time, near the Chinese New Year holiday, I lost hold of my 15-month-old grandson while he was playing. He slipped off the sofa, and burst out crying. I examined him, and he only had a slightly blushed face. My daughter picked him up and said angrily, “Is this how you take care of our child? Go away!” She firmly made me go home.

I was very sad and cried while I packed my clothes. Expecting to be at her house, I hadn’t even ordered the heating service to heat my apartment for the winter, it was the coldest time in Northeast China. My heart was in turmoil thinking, “It’s not that I don’t have a home and need to live with her. It’s that I paid their expenses and did the work, yet I still had to endure her bullying!”

I began to resent my daughter’s coldness. After I calmed down, I thought, “My daughter has never let go of her resentment toward me. It was hard for her. My ex-husband left home, resenting me. The whole family broke up. This was all the CCP’s fault! This is their usual method of bringing tragedy to people!”

My daughter couldn’t find someone to help take care of the child, so she came to me and “apologized” and asked me to go back.

After my daughter gave birth to her second child, I became even busier. I had to buy groceries, cook, and take care of two children. Studying the Fa and doing the exercises could not be guaranteed. In the past, I could still squeeze out time every day to go out and clarify the truth to people face to face. After my daughter had the second child, it became difficult for me to go out. There were more conflicts at home as well.

A fellow practitioner came to my house, and my daughter vented to her, “Look at my mother. She is so happy when she is outside, but her face changes as soon as she gets home.” My daughter was right. My joy and sorrow were all written on my face. When I went out to clarify the truth, I felt it was what I should do, and I was truly happy from the bottom of my heart. At my daughter’s house, I was busy with housework from morning till night. My ability to do the three things well was affected. I later realized that I had some attachments and misunderstanding in my cultivation.

I had clarified the truth to my family members many times. But at the time I did not realize that we practitioners ourselves are the truth. When people see that we are doing well, they think that Dafa is good! The same is true at home. If we don’t do well at home, our family members will have a negative view of Dafa, which is equivalent to pushing them away!

Fellow practitioners reminded me to study the Fa more and look inward. I had always thought it was the children’s noise, the interference, and the tight time that caused me to study less. However, after looking inward, I found my attachments of competitiveness, resentment, ego, and lack of control over my speech. In particular, I casually spoke out when I saw my daughter or son-in-law not doing what I wanted. My son-in-law would keep quiet, but my daughter would retort. I tried to correct this in myself, but it was really hard to get rid of the things that were deep in my bones.

I had read some articles on Minghui.org about practitioners who made rapid progress after they started memorizing the Fa. I also started to memorize it. I started studying and memorizing the Fa every day after I finished my housework and the children had gone to bed.

Master said, “... the principles of cultivators and those of ordinary people are opposite.” (“Teachings at the 2005 Conference in San Francisco”) I finally woke up! I must position myself correctly, break away from ordinary people’s thinking, and hold myself to the Fa. When conflicts arise, it is an opportunity for me to improve my xinxing. It is a good thing.

I no longer looked at what my daughter did as being right or wrong. I just looked inward to see what I did that was not in accordance with the Fa, and correct it if I was wrong. And I would not argue if I thought I was falsely accused. I just worked on improving myself.

I should be considerate of my daughter. It has not been easy for her these past few years. I was arrested three times for my belief. The last two times were because I was making truth-clarifying materials and had filed a lawsuit against Jiang Zemin, who initiated the persecution of Falun Dafa. She was worried about me all the time, especially when she was pregnant and I was arrested. She has endured so much due to the persecution of Dafa!

I started to deal with small things first. I let go of my resentment toward her. One day she said, “We are going out for dinner tonight and will be back late. Can the two children sleep with you?”

My first words were, “No! It’s too hard for the younger one to sleep.” But then I thought: “That’s not right. I was judging it with human logic again!” I immediately changed my mind, and said, “Okay! You go ahead and don’t worry!”

The children went to bed at 8 p.m.. The younger one rolled back and forth, kicking the quilt. In the past, when I got angry, I would shout, “Go to sleep now.” This time I kept my composure. I said in my heart to my resentment, “Vanish!” Then I silently recited, “Falun Dafa is good, Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance is good.” After a while, the child fell asleep.

During the pandemic, the younger one was infected and hospitalized. My daughter was also infected while taking care of him. Not only that, my daughter was found to have thyroid cancer after an examination. In the meantime, her father-in-law had surgery for lung cancer, and my son-in-law went to take care of him. I was responsible for all the household work.

I was under tremendous pressure. I felt bad when I saw my daughter occasionally staring blankly at her children playing. I knew I had to let go of my sentimentality. I thought, this time I would definitely do as Master said, let go of my emotions and maintain my xinxing. I would take good care of my family, and accompany my daughter through the difficulties.

My daughter was emotionally unstable and very scared. She didn’t know what to do. I advised her, “Don’t be afraid, go see a doctor when you need to, and don’t delay it.” I suggested that she recite, “Falun Dafa is good, Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance is good” more often. She readily agreed. Sometimes, my daughter said something angrily or lost her temper. But I no longer got upset. I tolerated her and let her talk it out so that she felt better.

During that time, I bought groceries, cooked, and delivered meals to the hospital every day. I was so busy that I got very little sleep. I was tired, but I had no complaints, and I no longer felt it was as difficult as before.

Now, my daughter is still recovering. She goes to work every day and takes a boxed lunch. I prepare her favorite dishes every night. I told her, “You just go to work and I will take care of the children.” The older one started first grade, and the younger one went to kindergarten. Aside from doing housework every day, I also find time to go out and clarify the truth.

My daughter complained less and smiles appeared on her face. Seeing that I was very tired, she often brought me cakes and fruits that I like.

The grudge between my daughter and me has finally been resolved! My daughter also gained a positive understanding of Dafa. Now, I understand that improving ourselves and balancing family relationships are important parts of our cultivation.

Thank you, Master for your compassionate salvation!