My Husband’s Prolonged Illness Is a Cultivation Opportunity

(Minghui.org) I have a strong personality. When I was young I wanted to be admired and live a happy life. But things didn’t go as I planned, and my life was full of hardship. When I got married my family was poor and my husband was irresponsible. After he lost his job we sold goods in a street stall. Even though my health wasn’t great I had to work hard and I was exhausted. To make matters worse, my husband had an affair and we divorced.

I remarried in 2003. Our business went well and my life improved. My second husband was broad-minded, attentive and had a great personality. We bought a home and a car and everything went smoothly. My parents-in-law practiced Falun Dafa and I began to practice. However, I didn’t understand how to truly cultivate, and I couldn’t resist the temptations of fame and profit. I was deeply entangled in them and couldn’t free myself.

My Husband’s Tribulation

My husband had a stroke in 2015 and was in a coma. I was plunged into confusion once again. Why was my life so difficult? Why was I alive? What was I searching for? I read Zhuan Falun and from the depths of my heart I wished to truly cultivate.

My husband was in a coma in the hospital for more than ten days. After surgery, he was partially paralyzed and needed help to eat, drink, and use the toilet. He was hospitalized for 153 days, during which time I tasted the bitterness of hardship.

My husband could not break through this illness tribulation for a long time—instead, he developed many human attachments. Every day, he pulled at his arm to check if it was any better. He constantly thought about how his hand was useless, and that he couldn’t lift his leg. I kept reminding him to cultivate according to the Fa, but he focused on his condition.

When he was released from the hospital he nitpicked about everything at home, “This is dirty; that is messy,” and he always looked at me with a critical eye. He became super frugal, and refused to throw away leftover food, even when it was rotten. Once, he emptied three bags of trash all on the floor, and then shoved everything into one trash bag – just to save two trash bags. I silently endured, but it was only on the surface. I was not calm.

One day, I came home early from work and saw him playing on his phone. I said, “How can you be like this? I asked you to study the Fa and read experience sharing articles on Minghui.” I was so angry that I kept talking. He just laughed and mocked me, “Look at how mad you are! You’re making a mountain out of a molehill.”

Seeing his indifferent attitude, I couldn’t control myself and I finally exploded. All the grievances from years of family, external, and business pressure came pouring out. In a fit of rage, I stormed out of the house and wandered aimlessly in the streets with tears streaming down my face.

I repeatedly thought it over but I couldn’t see a way out. I went to a veteran practitioner’s home and said, “I have an attachment to pursuit, and a strong desire to have my husband recover. When he didn’t listen to me, I couldn’t control myself and erupted in anger, even though I know that cultivation means cultivating oneself, and I was aware of my strong resentment.”

The practitioner said, “His behavior is helping you. You need to look inward and cultivate yourself. Think about it: On the path of cultivation, nothing happens without a reason. The root of everything lies within you. You’re trying to change him because you have human attachments, and you want him to conform to your wishes. You expect a return for your efforts, and when you don’t get it, you resent fate for being unfair. In fact, we all have a lot of karma we developed over our many lifetimes. Master has paved a path for you to return to heaven, but you want to rearrange things to your way. Shouldn’t a cultivator let things happen naturally? True cultivation is assimilating to Dafa’s standards by doing well in every aspect of life. Aren’t you also looking down on your husband and treating him with disdain?”

“Disdain.” I never thought of that. I believed my husband and I were walking the cultivation path together and would never abandon each other. I kept asking myself, have I ever had a feeling of disdain toward him?

In my heart I clung to how good he once was. But in his current state I felt he was holding me back, embarrassing me, giving me pressure, and affecting my future. I resented the injustice. I didn’t believe in karmic causes and effects. I didn’t want to repay the debts I accrued in past lifetimes. I forgot I was a cultivator, and I wanted to be rewarded for my sacrifices. Wasn’t I failing to believe in Master and the Fa, and failing to believe that Master’s arrangements are the best?

When I realized all this I felt ashamed. What is cultivation? Isn’t it continuous elevation of oneself, becoming ever purer, tempering oneself in our environments, using the Fa to guide one’s words and action, and cultivating from a human into a divine being?

I also found my fundamental attachments: I longed for a beautiful life in the human world, and I wanted my husband to take care of, and cherish me. If I don’t eliminate these human attachments, how can I succeed in cultivation? I was always focused on how my husband didn’t align with the Fa, instead of examining myself for my shortcomings. I blamed and resented my husband, and I wanted to change him. I had a strong desire for him to recover and return to how he used to be, just to satisfy my vanity and selfish desires. With such intense attachments, wasn’t I inviting tribulations?

Although it seemed to be caused by his illness, wasn’t my husband’s odd behavior arranged by the old forces? Yet I didn’t realize it and I was moved. I couldn’t see through the old forces’ tricks. All of my husband’s critical and judgmental looks, his harsh and excessive words and actions—weren’t they meant to temper me and help me cultivate?

I kept reminding my husband to study the Fa and be diligent but he did not listen. This was because the words I spoke lacked the power of the Fa and they couldn’t touch his true nature. I failed to align with the characteristic of the new universe, which is considering others before oneself. I didn’t truly cultivate to become selfless. I truly felt sorry for my husband. He endured tremendous hardship but I failed to cultivate well—instead I tried to change him. Wasn’t I deviating from the Fa?

The Fa dispelled the confusion in my heart. When I had these realizations I was happy and I felt refreshed.

Improving My Xinxing

My husband and I are both in our second marriages. Because of issues with housing, children, and prejudice, there has always been tension between my husband’s family and I. Although I’ve cultivated for many years and strove to cultivate my xinxing when issues arose, I still felt as if there was a mountain between his family and I. This troubled me deeply, and I couldn’t figure out the root cause.

My mother-in-law fractured her hip and underwent major surgery. After the operation, we took turns caring for her. My husband has three older sisters. His oldest sister and I were in one group. We were three nights and we rested for three nights. On our nights, the sister did the first half of the night and I did the second half. During the day I still had to run my business.

After my mother-in-law was discharged from the hospital, I went to her home to care for her right after work and I stayed until she went to bed. I was exhausted. Between caring for her, and running my business I had no time to catch my breath. Although my husband could take care of himself and do simple housework, our home was a mess. I had no time to do the Falun Dafa exercises, and I was sleepy when I studied the Fa. Everything felt like a disaster.

Every day, I thought about what delicious food I could make for my mother-in-law, and I tried not to repeat meals. Despite all my efforts my oldest sister-in-law still treated me coldly, and sometimes made pointed remarks. I felt deeply wronged. I said nothing beyond, but inside I felt imbalanced and my resentment grew. I thought, “Your brother has been in this situation for many years. I’ve been the one taking care of him and I never troubled any of you. I also have to earn money to support the family. You’ve taken over the parents’ house and money, and I’m at the brink of collapse. Yet you’re still nitpicking and criticizing me.” On the surface we were all polite and no one spoke openly about these issues, I could sense an invisible wall of ice between us.

My second and third sisters-in-law later suggested hiring a caregiver, but my oldest sister-in-law firmly opposed the idea. Her reasoning was that no caregiver could take care of their mother better than a daughter could, and that 3,000 yuan a month was too much, especially considering how hard their parents had to work to save that money. She even called me late one night around 10 p.m. and said, “You aren’t making much money in your business. Why don’t we take turns caring for mother? We’ll pay 100 yuan per day to whoever does it. You and I can cover a shift. I’ll do more, and you do less.”

I didn’t even know how to respond. It’s correct to have filial piety, but I also needed to take care of my husband. During the day I had to run the business, and I was already doing my best trying to balance everything. I still couldn’t dissolve that invisible wall of ice between my oldest sister-in-law and I. I felt bitter and tired, and that I couldn’t go on. After we talked I wept.

I thought more about it from the perspective of the Fa. As a cultivator, how should I treat all of this? Would a divine being cry, feel tired, feel wronged, or have resentment? Nothing happens without a reason. I examined myself and asked: What do I truly want? I thought of how I rushed to my mother-in-law’s house the day before, tripped, fell, and scraped my leg. What was I rushing for? Every day I ran between the store, home, and my mother-in-law’s house. Why was it that after giving so much, not only was no one grateful, but I was criticized?

I suddenly realized that it was due to my attachment to ego. I needed to calm down. When I examined myself, I was shocked: I wanted others to praise me. I wanted neighbors to say, “She’s remarkable, capable, and so filial.” I talked about validating the Fa, but in reality, I was validating myself by showing off that I was a strong woman who managed business, family, in-laws, and relationships well.

Digging deeper, I found I had an attachment to personal interest. After my father-in-law passed away, between his savings and the house, the total worth was somewhere in the hundreds of thousands yuan, and my husband is his only son. Realizing this startled me again. I’m a cultivator, yet I harbored such dirty human attachments. I must cultivate myself. Master has given me the once-in-an-eternity opportunity to practice Falun Dafa. How lucky I am! When I let go of my attachments to ego, self-interest, and sentimentality, the mountain of ice standing between us silently collapsed. My heart was filled with joy and my resentment and grievances disappeared.

The next afternoon, I cooked some beef and brought it to my mother-in-law. My oldest sister-in-law said, “You don’t need to come tomorrow night. Just take care of my brother.” I said, “Sister, you’re already over sixty and not in great health. Don’t wear yourself out taking care of Mom. Since the others suggested we hire a caregiver, I’ll contribute a portion of the monthly cost.”

She said, “Mom still has money. No need for you to pay for a caregiver.” I replied, “When needed, I’ll pitch in. No amount of money can buy good health. When your brother was admitted to the hospital I felt that everything in this world was like passing clouds. All our struggles are just a dream. As for the inheritance from the parents, I don’t want a single cent.”

She looked at me in shock. I smiled and said, “I’m heading out now. I’ll come visit Mom when I have time.” As I walked out the door, I felt an immense sense of relief. I felt light and free and as if I could fly. What seemed like an insurmountable obstacle dissolved the moment I let go of fame, interest, and sentimentality. Cultivation is truly wonderful.

I feel so fortunate to have the opportunity to cultivate Dafa. I feel honored and I’m grateful to Master and Dafa. I’m also thankful to all the friends, relatives, neighbors, and customers who accompanied me on this journey. It is because of all of them that I was able to temper myself in this harsh environment, like a plum blossom blooming in the snow.