Genuinely Learning to Look Inward

(Minghui.org) Last year, I joined a study group that is focused on memorizing the Fa and I have persisted ever since. Since I started practicing Falun Dafa, I have always known the importance of looking inward. However, after nearly 20 years of cultivation, I still struggle to fully understand what it means to look inward and how to do it at every moment.

Through memorizing the Fa at the Fa study group and reading experience sharing articles on the Minghui website, I have gained insights into how to genuinely look inward, cultivate my xinxing with every thought, eliminate human thoughts, and improve myself based on the Fa. I have also become much more rational and mature.

There are several recent cultivation experiences that have helped me to look inward more deeply. One such instance is my relationship with my father.

My father is 88 years old and is healthy enough to still take care of himself. As his children, my sisters and I visit him twice weekly to cook for him and help clean up. My father complains a lot and holds grievances against us. He often criticizes us over trivial matters and nitpicks everything we do. When I visit, he finds fault with me for almost everything, which fills me with frustration.

Sometimes I think, “If you were not my father, I would not care about you.” When my sisters and I talked about this, we would complain about him. My elder sister said, “Luckily, he only has daughters. Otherwise, the daughters-in-law would have stopped visiting him long ago.” I said, “You can choose everything except your parents. There is nothing we can do about it.”

Through memorizing the Fa, I have realized that my father is a mirror for me. I see reflections of myself in him. My husband and children have often told me, “You are just like your father!” Upon hearing this, I was unhappy. In the past, I was not aware of my problems. Now, I recognize my problems, and am determined to cultivate myself, even though changing myself is a difficult process.

First, I made a conscious effort to accept my father wholeheartedly, understand him, and let go of any resentment. Initially, I felt tempted to resist this change, but eventually, I embraced Forbearance and stopped yielding to temptation. As I improved through Fa study, I also noticed changes in my father. Even my elder sister, who does not practice cultivation, commented that our father has become kinder, no longer losing his temper so quickly, but speaking gently.

In my heart, I know that I have changed, and so has my father. Reflecting on this journey, I regret the many years I wasted clinging to this attachment.

My own small family has also gone through some changes. My husband is a hardworking and kind person. He treats me and our children very well. However, I had never known how to care for him before. He had always cared for me. During that time, I looked down on him and found fault with him. He was never the type to curse or lose his temper. But last year, he became a different person. He began to curse and lose his temper. Sometimes, he cursed at me with very unpleasant words, and he often flew into a rage and threatened to divorce me.

Instead of blaming him, I took a step back and reflected on my own actions. I asked myself if I had said something wrong, done something wrong, or had ill intentions. One day, he said to me, “I beg you. Let’s have a fake divorce. Don’t let our children get involved. Can you go out and rent a place and give me some space?” At that moment, I realized that an underlying evil was influencing him. I didn’t fall for it. I didn’t let my heart be moved.

I asked Master to help me make decisions. I began to change myself, starting with cultivating my mind. I identified a bunch of human thoughts within myself, such as disdain, contempt, jealousy, impatience, not cultivating my speech, bossing people around, laziness, face-saving, unwillingness to let others speak, selfishness, self-centeredness, dominance, fear of trouble, and a bad tone in my voice.

To get rid of these human thoughts, I sent forth righteous thoughts. The feelings of hatred, disdain for others, and contempt for others often came up, so I became mindful of every thought. Whenever I felt annoyed, or someone did something that didn’t conform to my concepts, I sent forth righteous thoughts to eliminate my human thoughts. Gradually, I noticed those human thoughts weakening, and now I can suppress them more effectively.

I’ve become more considerate towards my family. I actively share household responsibilities, engage in conversation, and include stories about my journey in cultivation. As a result, my husband gradually relaxed. We now study the Fa together every day. During breakfast in the morning, I play the experience-sharing audio from the Minghui website. Now, our home is full of peace and tranquility again.

One day, when I was studying the Fa and exchanging views in the Fa study group, fellow practitioners pointed out that I was quite domineering and did not treat fellow practitioners’ affairs as my own. At that moment, I thanked my fellow practitioners for pointing out the problem. However, after returning home, a thought crossed my mind: “Why don’t they do it?” I immediately caught this bad thought. It is not me; let it die!

I asked myself: “When conflicts suddenly arise, can I look inward calmly?” It seems that I have not yet been able to stay calm. I still have the attachment to saving face, the attachment to reputation, and the unwillingness to make more of an effort for others. Recently, I’ve become a bit self-absorbed. The practitioner’s words struck me hard today, and I felt a sense of heaviness in my heart. Cultivation is a serious matter. I must think of others first and let go of selfishness. Moving forward, I will be more diligent in my cultivation.