Veteran Practitioner: “I Only Truly Began to Look Within and Cultivate Myself in Recent Years”

(Minghui.org) I have been practicing Falun Dafa for more than 30 years, but I only truly began to look within and cultivate myself in recent years. I should say that I had fallen behind in my cultivation.

As I began to truly cultivate, I started studying the Fa attentively, measuring myself against the Fa, and looking inward. I discovered a fundamental attachment deep in my subconscious. After I began to practice Dafa, my health improved dramatically; Dafa has miraculous effects in healing and fitness; Dafa cultivates both mind and body, and can keep one youthful; practicing Dafa benefits not just oneself but the whole family; Dafa provides protection through Master’s Law Bodies, so one’s life is safeguarded.

Only now do I realize that I had been treating Dafa like a protective umbrella. I was using Dafa and pursuing the personal benefits of practicing Dafa. This attachment needed be removed. True cultivation in Dafa requires seeking nothing, and gaining without pursuit.

As I continued to look within, I found that I had many attachments, including fear, resentment, jealousy, pursuit of personal gain, desire to gain something in return, attachment to saving face, lust, comfort, joy, showing off, and fear of conflict, among others. Among them, the strongest were fear and resentment. Fear of being arrested and persecuted by the Chinese Communist Party, and resentment toward my husband for his irresponsibility toward the family.

Over the past few years of truly cultivating and looking inward, I managed to eliminate some attachments. But some, like fear and resentment, have been particularly hard to remove. Although I have been seriously working on them, and sometimes felt they were gone, I would get scared again whenever I heard news of the persecution. And whenever my husband said or did something that angered me, I would recall the harm he caused to the family. Afterward, I regretted it and felt deeply upset with myself.

As I continued to study the Fa and read experience-sharing articles by other practitioners, my xinxing improved, my righteous thoughts grew stronger, and I gradually learned to use the Fa as my guide when faced with difficult situations. I also gained new understandings of the Fa principles.

I realized one day that attachments to fear and resentment are not part of my true self. My true self has assimilated to the characteristics of the universe and has none of these bad things. These things are acquired notions, a false self, imposed on me by the old forces. The old forces then use these attachments as excuses to persecute me. This is how evil the old forces are! Upon realizing this, I immediately sat in the lotus position, held my palm erect, and sent a powerful righteous thought, “I am a Dafa disciple. I reject everything the old forces have imposed on me. I only follow the cultivation path arranged by my Master. I only acknowledge Master’s guidance.”

I had a vivid dream that night. I was in a small waste oil pit. In front of the pit was a slope covered with a thick layer of black, sticky waste oil. I tried climbing up the slope but slid back because it was too slippery. Then I tried from a different spot, kept climbing, and finally made it to the top. Then the scene shifted... my female coworkers were all wearing light bluish-green outfits like those worn by women in the 1930s and 1940s. They were getting ready for an important event. I looked at my clothes. My top matched theirs, but my pants were work pants, although similar in color.

After sending forth righteous thoughts the next morning, I recalled the two scenes in my dream. I realized that the first part of the dream was Master letting me know I had enlightened correctly and broken free from the trap arranged by the old forces. The second part of the dream, with the mismatched clothing, seemed to suggest a lack of harmony—perhaps a xinxing issue? I hadn’t fully figured it out, and knew I needed to enlighten further through the Fa.

At group Fa study, a practitioner said that failing to maintain one’s xinxing or failing to hold a clear and clean mind is due to a weak main consciousness. They recommended that I recite the section “Your Main Consciousness Should Dominate” (Lecture Six, Zhuan Falun) daily. I agreed and started reciting that section at least ten times a day.

One day while reciting it, I suddenly noticed this line:

“Because one is lost among everyday people, one will often form in one’s mind thoughts for fame, benefits, lust, anger, and so on. Over time, these thoughts become the powerful thought karma.” (Lecture Six, Zhuan Falun)

I focused on the word “anger” and thought, “Over the years, I’ve often been angry. How much thought karma must I have created?” No wonder I couldn’t calm my mind or send strong righteous thoughts to eliminate evil beings. A large amount of thought karma must have accumulated in my dimensional field.

For a long time, my mind was never calm, and my thoughts were not clear and clean. This caused my mind to wander when I studied the Fa, and I couldn’t absorb the teachings. Thus, my Fa study wasn’t meeting the standard. When doing the exercises, I couldn’t calm down, and I fell asleep during the meditation. Thus my body didn’t transform well. When sending forth righteous thoughts, I couldn’t focus and couldn’t eliminate evil beings. My body remained in an incorrect state for a long time, with ringing in my ears, a foggy mind, constant yawning during group Fa study, and so on. All of these were caused by the mass of thought karma in my head. It was interfering with me as I assisted Master in Fa-rectification.

With this realization, I immediately sat in the lotus position, held my palm erect, and sent out powerful righteous thoughts, “Blow up the mass of thought karma in my head! I do not allow it to exist in my field and persecute me!” As soon as I sent out that thought, there was a loud “boom” in my head, like a powerful engine suddenly starting, and then it disappeared in an instant. My head was left buzzing from the shock.

I knew that this single righteous thought had hit the mass of thought karma in my head. It blew it apart and scattered it. This miraculous experience of sending forth righteous thoughts made me truly realize that sending righteous thoughts is a manifestation of divine power. It also made me truly understand how important it is. I must take sending righteous thoughts seriously and quickly eliminate the karma and evil beings that have accumulated in my dimensional field over time. If my own dimensional field was full of evil, it would also affect other practitioners. Only when my own dimensional field is clean can the righteous thoughts I send truly eliminate evil beings in other dimensions, genuinely assist Master in Fa-rectification, and save sentient beings.

This is a bit of my current personal understanding. If anything is incorrect, I kindly ask that practitioners to point it out with compassion.