(Minghui.org) Reflecting on the tribulations stemming from shortcomings in my xinxing, I decided to write about this experience in order to gain a clearer understanding based on the Fa, and to ensure that I can set out anew and walk my cultivation path well.
Unexpected Tribulation
Under Master’s guidance and arrangements, I have been working on a project to validate the Fa with a fair degree of independence. In the early stages, to meet the requirements of this project, I pushed myself to be diligent in cultivation. I let go of many attachments, especially the fear of persecution and other concerns. I also significantly improved the intensity and quality of sending righteous thoughts. I was able to elevate myself quickly by sending righteous thoughts and looking inward whenever I encountered interference or conflicts.
However, as the psychological pressure eased, my state of cultivation began to slacken over the past six months even though I continued working on the project. An attachment to food gradually took root and grew; an attachment to shopping also emerged. I considered buying a new foldable smartphone, but because the AI features on the latest models are provided by a mainland Chinese manufacturer and posed a severe security risk, I abandoned that idea. Later, I became preoccupied with upgrading the operating system on my current overseas-version phone. After experimenting with the built-in Google AI software, I ended up spending a lot of time configuring security settings for this new, AI-integrated system.
As these attachments grew, my state of cultivation began to decline imperceptibly. The time I spent each day transcribing Zhuan Falun from memory dropped from three hours to less than two. My routine of waking up at 3:20 a.m. for the morning exercises also faltered. I often failed to get up on time, frequently delaying my start. Consequently, the duration of the time I did the second exercise—holding the wheel—was reduced to half an hour. I would often fail to complete all five exercises before 6:00 a.m, which forced me to find other times to make up for what I missed, a situation that occurred quite regularly.
I felt deeply troubled by this, knowing that it stemmed from my attachments. I wanted to set things right, yet I failed to improve. About three or four weeks ago, I had a dream in which someone was in trouble. I took out amulets that I carry with me to help him. I realized that only one of them had truth-clarification information on it, and it did not have the phrase “Falun Dafa is good; Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance is good” on it.
About ten days ago, while at work, I took some time to attend to tasks related to my project of validating the Fa. Suddenly, my supervisor at work needed me to handle an urgent matter, so I stepped away from my desk. When I returned a few minutes later, I found a new colleague Ann at my workstation. She had discovered the work related to Dafa that I was doing. She urgently insisted that I stop, warning me that it was dangerous. Seeing the terror and fear in her eyes, I reassured her, telling her there was nothing to worry about and I urged her to calm down.
In reality, Ann is quite capable, and we had previously enjoyed a very harmonious working relationship. I often stepped in to support her or cover for her when needed. I previously told her about Dafa. While she did not deny that the persecution was taking place, she thought that the government must have had reasons for doing this. To my complete surprise, Ann reported my activities to the company. That same afternoon, I ran into trouble at work: the supervisor in charge called me in for a talk, telling me not to cause any problems for the organization. The following day, my department head, who was away on a business trip, was urgently summoned back to deal with the situation.
Where Had I Gone Wrong?
Suddenly, I felt a massive influx of evil factors from other dimensions bearing down on me. My body began to exhibit the same physical reactions I experienced during past instances of persecution. My mind was filled with distracting thoughts, and my heart felt constricted. I knew the evil forces intended to persecute me, but where had I gone wrong? Surely, the act of validating the Fa itself could not be incorrect? As I opened the digital version of the Dafa teachings and silently asked Master for guidance, I scrolled down, and a sentence immediately caught my eye at the very top of the screen:
“Once an attachment of yours arises, the old forces will have the police come knocking at your door. The evil will come for you.” (“Fa Teaching on World Falun Dafa Day,” Collected Fa Teachings, Vol. XII)
I was shocked, realizing that it was my own human attachments that invited this trouble. I immediately confessed my mistake to Master in my heart, asking him to look after me, and I began sending righteous thoughts to deny this persecution. This time, however, the process was different. There was an overwhelming number of evil factors in other dimensions—seemingly inexhaustible. This was compounded by many distracting thoughts in my own mind. To make matters worse, although I understood that the pressure stemming from validating the Fa is something an ordinary person could never endure and that Ann’s decision to report me (fearing she might be implicated) was, from her perspective, understandable, I still couldn’t help but harbor resentment toward her. I felt she had overreacted, and created significant trouble not only for me but also for herself and our department head.
One afternoon, I overheard Ann speaking on the phone to her seven- or eight-year-old daughter. Although there was an office between us, the sound from her phone—which was on speaker—was perfectly audible. I could clearly hear her daughter’s innocent voice, as well as Ann’s patient and affectionate words of comfort. It was evident how deeply she loved her child. At that moment, a realization struck me: for ordinary people, family and loved ones are the most important things. Living within the climate of terror created by the evil in China, Ann’s actions were, in essence, an attempt to protect her family from being implicated or harmed. I was able to put myself in her shoes and truly understand the fear and panic she displayed when the incident occurred. In fact, after Ann reported me, she even reminded me to keep my Dafa-related materials well-hidden so they wouldn’t be discovered. She is not a bad person.
During the series of troubles that subsequently arose at my workplace, my department head, who was compelled to hold routine talks with me, often revealed a sense of helplessness: “I have a family and children, and a normal life to lead. I’ll be retiring in a few years. You wouldn’t want us to lose our jobs, would you?”
Through subsequent Fa study and deep reflection, I came to a clear realization: ordinary people are being manipulated by evil forces into doing bad things. The root cause, however, lies in the loopholes in my own xinxing which the evil forces exploited. This is not a case of one person persecuting another; rather, it is a battle between the divine and the demonic, where evil is persecuting Dafa and the Dafa practitioners who uphold it. Ordinary people are, in fact, the very ones we are meant to protect. Ann was manipulated by evil forces to commit sins against Dafa and practitioners precisely because of the loopholes in my own cultivation. The true issue lies with me. She, too, is a victim, and I must not view her with any prejudice.
I continued to treat Ann with kindness at work, offering assistance and helping to cover for her whenever needed. Although she would express gratitude each time I stepped in to help, her strained expression suggested that a barrier still remained between us.
Facing Local Police
One morning, a week after the incident, I received a call from Officer Lim—the police officer assigned to my area—asking to meet that afternoon. I knew my workplace must have followed protocol by notifying the local police station. I agreed to meet him as requested. After hanging up, I sensed a lot of evil elements from other dimensions bearing down on me; I realized that the upcoming meeting would be a battle between righteousness and evil. Master gave me a hint to resolve the situation through compassion.
During my lunch break, I sent righteous thoughts to eliminate the evil. I focused initially on eliminating the evil forces behind the police officer and others who would be present at the meeting, as well as clearing away the evil elements in the other dimensions at the meeting location. With Master’s help, my righteous thoughts grew increasingly powerful, and I ceased to view the situation from a purely human perspective. I sent out a firm, righteous thought from the depths of my being: The Three Realms were created by Master for the purpose of Fa-rectification and the salvation of all sentient beings in the universe—without this, they would not exist. Sentient beings came here specifically to be saved by Master. Human wisdom and abilities are limited, a design intended to allow individuals, while in a state of ignorance, to develop the purest possible righteous thoughts toward the Fa. None of this was created to serve as a tool for evil elements to interfere with Fa-rectification or to persecute sentient beings. Master does not recognize any interference by evil elements that hinders the salvation of sentient beings; the persecution and interference directed at me and those around me were not arranged by Master, and I do not acknowledge them. Furthermore, I will not allow evil elements to wantonly persecute the precious people whom Master intends to save. May all such evil, along with its arrangements and the underlying evil elements, be completely disintegrated.
After I sent righteous thoughts for two hours, the dimensional field around me became clear and bright. The abnormal physical state I had been experiencing vanished; my mind was sharp, and my righteous thoughts were strong. That afternoon, I arrived in the vicinity of the meeting place half an hour early. After spending some time sending righteous thoughts to clear the area, I arrived at the designated spot right on time. Upon entering the room, the first thing I noticed was the expression on Officer Lim’s face—a mix of helplessness and resentment. I greeted him, and he gestured for me to take a seat. After sitting down, I greeted those present with a smile. The group included domestic security police, officials from the sub-district office, and community staff.
I understood that, given the atmosphere of mutual surveillance, they could not express their true thoughts or feelings. However, it was essential that I first dispel the lies spread by the CCP, the claim that Falun Dafa practitioners pose a threat to the nation. At the very beginning of our conversation, I stated calmly and earnestly that as a Chinese citizen, I hold a deep love for my country and my people, and I genuinely wish for the well-being and safety of my fellow countrymen. I explained that everything I have done falls within the framework of existing laws and is intended for the good of the nation; this is my sincere thought.
They asked: “Since the state has already officially given a position on the issue of Falun Dafa, why do you persist in opposing the government?” I explained that state policies cannot be correct on every single issue. I pointed to the Cultural Revolution as an example: had no one questioned it or insisted on correcting those errors, the Cultural Revolution would never have come to an end even though, as high-ranking leaders acknowledged at the time, the national economy was on the verge of collapse by the latter stages of that period.
As the conversation continued, their primary argument was that because the national economy has improved significantly, the overall situation in China must be positive, and government policies must therefore be correct. They claimed that the views of a few individuals cannot represent the opinions of the majority. They insisted that, as someone who has benefited from these developments, I should align myself with the state; otherwise, under the current policy climate, not only would I and my workplace suffer, but my family would also be affected. In essence, they were employing a combination of inducements and coercion, using personal interests as bait, while simultaneously issuing blatant, direct threats.
I knew this was a standard routine in their conversation, so I chose not to offer a direct rebuttal, which helped avoid disrupting the friendly tone of our discussion. Instead, I provided reasonable answers to issues they raised such as their skepticism regarding the belief in the divine, the question of why practitioners might forgo medical treatment, and the debate over whether qigong is scientific.
I explained that Falun Dafa is, in fact, legal in China. Prior to 1999, a large number of highly educated professionals and high-ranking officials took up the practice. These individuals were known for their rigorous, logical, and analytical thinking, people who demanded evidence and verification; it would have been impossible for them to simply believe in something without sound justification. It was precisely because Falun Dafa offered a comprehensive, self-consistent explanation of the objective world grounded in a scientific perspective and because it provided tangible physical benefits, that so many such people were drawn to it.
Regarding the question of medical treatment, I clarified that for the average person, taking medicine when ill is the standard course of action. However, for a practitioner, the situation is different. In Buddhist tradition, illness is understood as the manifestation of karma arising from negative actions committed in a past life and is essentially a form of karmic repayment. I then shared two personal experiences where I eliminated karma through my practice. In one instance, for several years, I would suffer from severe pain in the teeth on the back-left side of my mouth for about a week each year. Eventually, this culminated in a large, festering ulcer on the scalp behind my left ear, causing excruciating pain that lasted for about a month. Just as I reached the absolute limit of what I could endure, it was revealed to me in a dream that in a past life, while serving as a police officer, I had shot a suspect in the head, the bullet entering through the back-left side of the mouth and exiting through the back of the skull. This act created a negative cause, which resulted in the painful karmic retribution I was experiencing in this lifetime. Once I understood this, the intense pain vanished miraculously and never returned. Upon hearing this, they laughed and said: “That’s so extraordinary, it could be turned into a book!”
Our conversation lasted for an hour, with about a third of that time spent sharing the facts about Falun Dafa. Afterward, the local police officer suggested that we conclude the discussion. He advised me not to upset the current balance and to consider the well-being of both myself and my family. I understood that what he really meant was that I should also consider them and avoid causing them any trouble. The conversation ended on a friendly note. As I left, I resolved silently to myself that, in the future, I would keep all sentient beings in my heart and cultivate diligently. I must not allow the old forces to exploit any loopholes in my cultivation or manipulate others to persecute practitioners.
Rectifying My Cultivation State and Realizations
Subsequently, Master gave me a hint to place greater importance on studying the Fa. That evening, I began the long process of transcribing Zhuan Falun from memory. After three and a half hours of Fa study, I realized that not only had I been rectified and purified, experiencing the joy of grasping the principles of the Fa, but the dimensional field of the city where I reside had also been cleansed by Master as I studied the Fa with a focused mind. In the past, achieving such a result would have required me to spend a significant amount of time sending righteous thoughts. It immediately brought to mind Master’s words: “Cultivation depends on oneself; the transformation of gong depends on Master” (Zhuan Falun). For a long time, I placed too much emphasis on my own abilities, while the righteous thought—that Dafa and Master are the root of everything—had faded in my mind.
As I continued to study the Fa, my state of mind gradually became serene, and the environment around me grew harmonious under the influence of Dafa. My department manager even began to joke with me. Even my colleague Ann, who had always been somewhat tense, relaxed her guard after I asked for her help with a task, just as I normally would. She even asked me to review her work. That afternoon, when she smiled and said: “Hey, I’ve got what you needed ready,” I knew she had let go of her reservations about me. I had not pushed sentient beings away while caught in the tribulations imposed by the old forces; there was still hope for her to be saved.
As I write this, tears of gratitude toward Master are streaming down my cheeks. I know that for me to have made it through this sudden, seemingly perilous, and immense tribulation, Master must have once again borne a vast, unfathomable amount of karma on behalf of both me and the world's people.
Reflecting carefully on my previous state of cultivation, I asked myself: How long has it been since I merely maintained the outward, stable appearance of cultivation, without truly elevating my xinxing? Prolonged laxity has dampened my aspiration to assimilate to the Fa. I no longer experienced the joy of dissolving into the Fa after studying it; I have forgotten the desire to keep every thought and notion aligned with the Fa and close to Master; I have lost my concern for the safety of the world’s people and the sentient beings behind them; and I no longer maintained the vigilance and self-discipline that once led me to view attachments as dangerous, destructive forces.
As attachments multiplied, I spent more time indulging in worldly pleasures. Driven by a desire to prove my own capabilities compounded by an inability to endure idleness, I have lost sight of the grave responsibility I bear to save sentient beings. In fact, I once witnessed beings from higher realms imploring me to save their kings who had become stranded in the human world; I am well aware of the desperate and tragic plight of these beings. Yet, the attachments that grew out of my laxity in cultivation caused me to overlook Master’s hints and the earnest pleas of these sentient beings.
To walk the remainder of my cultivation path well, I must eliminate these attachments. They, too, are living beings capable of suffering, entities that came about because of my improper state of cultivation, a situation that need never have occurred. Had I consistently maintained the righteous mindset of a cultivator
“he is full of great aspirations while minding minor details” (“Sage, Essentials for Further Advancement)
these attachments would never have sprouted or taken root. In this sense, I have failed them.
Cultivation is no trivial matter; nor is it something one can gauge through human logic, assuming, for instance, that a certain amount of merit automatically guarantees a specific outcome. Cultivation is a serious undertaking, and the Fa has its own standards. When attachments emerge, one’s spiritual realm inevitably declines, the capacity to encompass sentient beings shrinks, and the cosmic system corresponding to one’s own being suffers damage. Furthermore, the old forces lie in wait, eager to drag cultivators down and, in the process, eliminate sentient beings.
The Fa-rectification is now in its final stages. I hope fellow practitioners will learn from my mistakes, treat their own cultivation and responsibilities with the utmost seriousness, while steadily navigating this final stretch of the path save as many lives as possible. Let us live up to the trust placed in us by the gods and fulfill the expectations of Master.
(Selected submission for the 23rd China Fa Conference on Minghui.org)
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