(Minghui.org) I began practicing Falun Dafa in 1995. From personal cultivation to Fa rectification, for three decades Master Li Hongzhi has protected me every step of the way. Master’s immense compassion and Dafa changed me, physically and mentally, for the better.
Brainwashed by the Chinese Communist Party’s (CCP) ideology, I used to be selfish, short-tempered, competitive, verbally abusive, and inconsiderate of others. The teachings of Falun Dafa made me a considerate, moral and noble person.
I was an atheist while growing up, and I didn’t believe in karmic retribution. I worked for CCP officials and did everything out of self-interest. As a result, I was awarded Outstanding Worker in my city and province. I felt smug with this bit of fame, and believed that I was more capable than others.
When I first started to practice, I treated doing Dafa work as cultivation, and I had difficulty studying the Fa calmly. I was only thankful for Master because the teachings benefited me.
In the first ten years of the persecution, I was arrested six times and put in forced labor camps three times because I refused to renounce my faith. I went to Beijing to appeal for Falun Dafa, told people why the CCP persecuted Falun Dafa, worked with lawyers to rescue imprisoned practitioners, and handed out Master’s new articles. My family members were terrified of the persecution, which caused them great pain and suffering. Because of my competitiveness and resentment, I continued to blame the CCP for my suffering while I was persecuted.
Through studying the Fa, I realized that Master does not acknowledge the persecution. So I wondered why the persecution took place if neither Master nor practitioners acknowledge it.
Master said,
“The old forces don’t dare to oppose our clarifying the truth or saving sentient beings. What’s key is to not let them take advantage of the gaps in your state of mind when you do things.” (“Fa Teaching Given at the 2002 Conference in Boston, U.S.A., Collected Teachings Given Around the World Volume II”
It dawned on me that the old forces prioritize personal cultivation. As soon as our thoughts deviate from the Fa, no matter how we refuse to acknowledge them, they will exploit our human notions because we have already walked the path that they arranged.
I had a deeper understanding of the importance of studying the Fa. I used to treat doing Dafa work as cultivation because it gave me a sense of accomplishment. So, I spent most of my time doing Dafa work and seldom studied the Fa. I didn’t have a clear understanding of cultivating in Fa rectification and saw myself as a victim of the persecution.
When I prioritized Fa study and understood many principles. Master repeatedly spoke about how to cultivate in Fa-rectification and that Dafa disciples are the protagonists at this time. I understood that we are here to save people, not to become victims. We are here to assist Master in rectifying the Fa, not to endure persecution. If we walk the righteous path and negate the persecution, the evil won’t dare to persecute us. Sentient beings will be saved and have a future in the new universe through respecting Dafa and accepting it when we clarify the truth about the persecution to them.
I also realized that, not only did I need to study the Fa more, but I also needed to do this with a calm and pure mind. Otherwise reading the Fa is just a formality and I wouldn’t be able to understand any of it. Master has repeatedly urged us to study the Fa more. Many articles on Minghui.org talked about memorizing the Fa, and the practitioners’ experiences moved me. I decided to memorize the Fa as well. The process helped me tremendously and I gained a deeper understanding.
For instance, I knew that the old forces arranged a path of cultivation for me, and so did Master. However, I was not clear on how to walk the path arranged by Master. Through studying and memorizing the Fa, I realized that Master has not arranged any test and tribulations for practitioners after July 1999; all the tests and tribulations we encounter are arranged by the old forces, Master just beats them at their own game. As long as we follow the requirements of Dafa, we are walking on the path Master arranged.
Years of working for the CCP’s officials has shown me that the hardest work is to balance interpersonal relationships. There is a common saying, “In a family of 15, everyone has a different taste; while one prefers fluffy rice, the other wants congee.”
Being a coordinator often means being the center of a conflict, especially during the persecution. Some practitioners like to rely on the coordinator. In recent years the gaps in cultivation levels between practitioners have widened, which made it even harder to coordinate them. Consequently the work of a coordinator has become even more important. A coordinator is key for practitioners in one area to form one body and a good environment to study the Fa. If the practitioners in an area are often persecuted and do not cultivate well, oftentimes there is a problem with the coordination in that area.
When practitioners in an area can’t form one body, the evil will persecute them one by one. A good coordinator is like a thread that strings pearls to form an exquisite necklace, or bundles together individual chopsticks to form an unbreakable unit. They serve an important role in many things, such as building an informational material production site, starting a Fa study group, finding a practitioner for a special task, or gathering everyone to study the Fa and search within when a problem occurs. A coordinator also needs to solve problems such as finding a Dafa book for a new practitioner, mending broken or missing pages in Dafa books, finding someone to install computer software or fixing computers, helping practitioners who can’t get on the Minghui website, or who are sick or arrested, etc...
Master told us not to coordinate practitioners over a large area in China because of security issues during the persecution. Coordinators are needed in small areas, and the requirements for them, especially in the persecution, are high. They need to help and lead others to study the Fa and improve their xinxing, and place themselves among practitioners instead of giving out orders like a supervisor. They need to take the initiative to do what needs to be done.
I became a coordinator in my area, and often wanted to quit because my attachments brought me many tribulations. Remembering my responsibility and mission as a Dafa disciple helped me to continue this work, even though I often stumble.
My city is divided into several areas and there is a coordinator for each area and a general coordinator for a few areas. However, some coordinators feared difficulties, and some feared persecution. These coordinators couldn’t do their work effectively. A general coordinator had severe sickness karma and couldn’t do her part. I also learned that practitioners in one area would stop group Fa study if the persecution intensified; some of them would even leave their homes. Many of these practitioners do not go out to clarify the truth. In contrast, the practitioners in a well-coordinated area do the three things very well.
A general coordinator saw that I did well coordinating my area, and suggested I join the general coordination. I found excuses to avoid it. Through more Fa study, I realized that this could be Master’s arrangement, and that I shouldn’t follow my human notions. I should help carry out what Master wanted.
I found Meng, the coordinator who feared difficulties and was reluctant to shoulder more responsibility. We studied the Fa about Dafa disciples’ responsibilities and mission. Meng was very touched, and told me that she encountered a lot of resistance while coordinating. She felt helpless facing problems alone and wanted to quit. She wanted to have a person help her with coordination. I then offered to help her. I interviewed quite a few people, and finally found Lee, who was qualified and willing to help. However Lee did not live in Meng’s area, and I had to talk to Lee’s coordinator. Eventually Lee’s coordinator agreed. I then arranged a time and a place for all parties involved to sit down and talk.
Suddenly Jing, the general coordinator who had been very ill, learned about my arrangement, and became enraged. She yelled at me and said that she did not approve of what I did. When I asked her why, she simply yelled, “I just disapprove!” Just like that, a month’s worth of work was gone. I had to call off the meeting and apologize to the practitioners who were coming. I didn’t know what to say to them because I felt so embarrassed.
Feeling wronged and ashamed, my mind was empty. I wasn’t sure how to face Meng, who studied the Fa with me, had the courage to overcome resistance, and wanted to take on responsibility. I repeatedly apologized to her, and comforted her with the Fa principles. I acted normal and easy, but as soon as I got home, my notions got the best of me. I couldn’t stop complaining to my daughter, who is also a practitioner. I complained about Jing, “She’s been very sick and I wanted her to study the Fa and not have to worry about it. I did my best to make her happy, and she scolded me. I quit!” I completely forgot to look within.
Later I calmed down. I knew that Jing doesn’t usually act that way, and we have always worked well together. I couldn’t figure out why she suddenly became so unreasonable. Master’s words came to mind at the moment,
“No matter how a person cultivates, he can’t conceal the attachments that haven’t been eliminated. No matter how he cultivates, I use all kinds of methods to expose his most stubborn attachments—even when he thinks he’s doing the most sacred work. Even when you’re doing Dafa work I will still have them manifest. It’s no good if the work itself doesn’t help him to improve; the improvement of his xinxing is the number one priority, his elevation is what’s most important.” (“Teachings at the Conference of Changchun Assistants”)
It dawned on me why Jing acted that way, and why I encountered such resistance. It had nothing to do with Jing, it was Master exposing my hidden attachments through Jing’s words. It was time for me to look within unconditionally and cultivate myself. I found very strong attachments to saving face, fame, and competitiveness. I was being self-righteous, self-centered, and I was unwilling to listen to opposing opinions.
This incident taught me that nothing was accidental in cultivation. Every conflict is an opportunity to elevate our xinxing. As a veteran practitioner, in the face of conflicts and problems, I should first ask myself why it happened, and what attachment needed to be eliminated. I also need to look at a conflict from a different angle and treat it as a good thing.
I also noticed that when I communicated with others, I often wanted to “do it quickly the easy way,” which is from CCP culture. To genuinely do something well, I need to work carefully every step of the way, and suffer before I can gradually improve and eventually succeed. The real obstacle is wanting to take a shortcut and have it easy.
After I faced my attachments and let go of them, I was able to face the long-existing conflicts between practitioners with a peaceful mindset. I could better appreciate other practitioners’ strengths and advantages. Through focusing on studying and memorizing the Fa, I learned how to let go of self in the midst of conflicts, and accept the differences between me and other practitioners. The less I was bothered by the trifles, the more open-minded I became.
I seemed to be able to find shortcomings in practitioners. After I became a general coordinator, I see problems in every coordinator. I was easily annoyed by practitioners whose words or actions were not based on the Fa. I often look down on some of them. I knew that I shouldn’t do this, but I still thought I was right about them.
Through Fa study, I knew that I was looking down on others to feel good about myself. Everyone is a cultivator, and it’s only natural for them to show their human notions. When I saw others' notions, it was the exact time that I should look within and improve my xinxing. Being annoyed or looking down on others came from my attachments of intolerance and unkindness. It’s dangerous to think of oneself as being better and more capable than others.
Everything that happens in my daily life can very well be an opportunity that Master arranged for me to improve. Practitioners are mirrors to reflect my shortcomings.
A practitioner, Tong, in my Fa study group often left right after we finished studying the Fa. He rarely wanted to stick around and discuss his cultivation experiences. Sometimes he stayed after Fa study, but instead of sharing with others, he continued to study the Fa with his head down. When we talked to him about it, he became upset and stopped coming to Fa study. He also complained that other practitioners did not follow the Fa principles and didn’t want him to talk.
At the time I had many negative opinions about Tong. I didn’t think he knew how to look within, and I thought that it was better that he didn’t come to group Fa study so we didn’t have to bother with him. A few days later a thought occurred when I studied the Fa, “How could I call myself a practitioner? Why do I pay so much attention to Tong’s negative traits? We didn’t like him because we all have the notion of looking down on others, and the old forces are exploiting our gaps to intensify the conflict. We should listen to Master and focus more on others’ strengths and good points.”
As soon as I changed my mind and let go of my notion, I remembered many of Tong’s good points. He was very diligent and took on a lot of responsibilities in saving people. For years he’s been persistent and sacrificed a lot. In many ways he did better than the rest of us. He stopped coming to group Fa study because he also looked down on the rest of us and saw many of our shortcomings. That was why he wanted to leave the group. There was something I did wrong as a coordinator.
I was determined to eliminate the degenerate substance that made me look down on my fellow practitioner. To fix the problem, I arranged a meeting with other practitioners. Together we looked within and changed our notions. Before long, Tong came back to study with us. The first day he was back, he told us that he had given a lot of thought to the incident after he left the group, and he also looked within and improved.
One time I went to a material production site. The practitioner who worked there was in her 80s. She’s been consistently printing informational materials for decades and did her work well. However her aging was severe: her back was hunched badly, her legs hurt so much she couldn’t go downstairs, and her hearing and eyesight were deteriorating. She was very worried but couldn’t find the cause. I talked to her a few times, but she always came to the conclusion, “I didn’t do well, I didn’t progress diligently, I have a lot of attachments.”
When I asked why she didn’t progress diligently and what attachments she had, she couldn’t say anything specific. However, she knew very well what disadvantages other practitioners around her had. She’s became angry as she began criticizing other practitioners. She was a mirror reflecting my notion of looking down on others. This notion severely impeded my ability to look within because I believed that I was better than others.
In my cultivation, I realized that I was easily influenced because I have a strong ego. To prove that I was good, I often show off. Facing criticism, I would defend myself because I didn’t want to be wronged and picked on. These actions stem from my attachment to fame.
A coordinator said that I didn’t coordinate well, and it resulted in her not being able to resolve problems in her group. She said many unpleasant words. Instead of looking within, I resented her. It then occurred to me that I didn’t listen to Master. I should have measured myself against the Fa— she treated me badly because I had an attachment. She was helping me improve. Meanwhile I found my attachment to vanity – I wanted to hear flattering words and no criticism. My heart then opened up, as a wall in my heart and resentment began to crumble.
A genuine practitioner must prioritize Fa study. Only a genuine practitioner would understand the solemn nature of cultivation and unconditionally look within in doing everything.
It’s an honor to be a Dafa disciple. Cultivation isn’t about validating self, but to assimilate to the Fa and eliminate attachments, so that we can develop immense compassion. I will cherish every chance Master arranges for me to elevate. I will cherish the time Master extended for us with his tremendous suffering and walk my path well.
(Selected submission for the 23rd China Fa Conference on Minghui.org)