(Minghui.org) Our entire family are disciples of Master Li Hongzhi and have been practicing Falun Dafa for over a dozen years. However, our relationships have not always been as harmonious as one would expect. For example, my spouse would become upset suddenly for no reason that I was aware of. It took many trials and tribulations to find the key to the problem.
Why do so many conflicts persist among us, even though we are are all practitioners? Conflicts seem to occur all the time—when one is resolved, another one soon arises. We all feel frustrated, uncertain where the root of the problems lie.
When I identify the root of the problem and correct it, everything shifts—things become smoother and positive changes follow. The key is, to avoid imposing your own notions or expectations on others, including fellow practitioners, family members, or ordinary people. It’s even more important to not use the standard of Dafa to judge or demand things of fellow practitioners or your practitioner family. It would be best to treat your practitioner family as ordinary people. As practitioners, we should always use the Fa to examine and improve ourselves. By regarding family members as simply ordinary people who know that you are a practitioner, you may find that your relationship with them, practitioners or not, may improve.
Furthermore, by viewing our family members as ordinary people, we become more mindful of our words and actions. This mindfulness reflects on our ability to validate Dafa, follow Master’s directions, and hold ourselves to the standard of Dafa. As a result, we become more tolerant to our family members and are better able to maintain harmonious relationships with them.
For example, after coming home tired, I often want to rest, finish my exercises or make up the time for sending forth righteous thoughts. However, sometimes there is a big mess inside the house—dirty stuff everywhere, and used dishes in the sink. Family members will be playing on their cell phones, as though the situation at home has nothing to do with them. When a situation like this persists for a long time, feelings of frustration can arise: “The child is so inconsiderate of others. Why doesn’t he or she help wash the dishes, cook a meal, or do some house chores? The home does not belong to me alone. I am so tired, how come no one understands and cares?” Regardless of our role at home, it’s easy to feel aggrieved.
Through this experience, I have gained a deeper understanding of why Master encourages us to relinquish qing and treat family members as ordinary people or just ordinary roommates. In doing so, we are less likely to be affected by ordinary people’s qing.
As practitioners, I believe we need to pay particular attention to our behavior in front of ordinary relatives and friends. Every action we take reflects on Dafa; validating Dafa and saving sentient beings is our mission. By refraining from conflict with family members, showing tolerance in household matters, letting go of dissatisfaction blame and criticism, and treating practicing family members as ordinary people, we help create a good home environment. Family members will be happy and do their work well, exhibiting a positive spirit. In this way they can validate Dafa, save sentient beings and fulfill their mission.
Fellow practitioners, including family members, are all Master’s disciples. Each of us should elevate ourselves according to the standard of the Fa, rather than follow our own standards or notions. We should never use Master and Dafa to make demands on those around us. Family members are human beings also; whether they do well or not is judged by Master and Dafa. If we use Dafa’s standard to instruct family members, it is bound to cause conflicts. In reality, the behavior of our family members often mirrors that of our own. Perhaps we have something we need to cultivate away. We should examine ourselves first and make changes if a similar problem exists.
We need to pay attention to details in life. By listening more often to Dissolve the Party Culture, we can shed the bad habits acquired under the Party culture influence. The more Party culture we eliminate, gradually we will be more able to think from other people’s point of view.
My daughter, a young Dafa practitioner, has some bad habits at home just like other kids. I do my best to manage things well at home. I always consider her and never criticize her. I understand my criticism does not help her improve.
Our shop relocated last year, and some racks needed to be disassembled. Over the past dozen years we have moved countless times, and these racks have been taken apart and re-assembled dozens of times. Naturally, I feel tired and hope someone would give me a hand.
My daughter was in the next room absorbed in her cell phone. I called her several times, and she came to give me a quick hand and then went back to her cell phone. I said nothing—certainly not a word of criticism. But I felt uneasy. I knew no one likes to do such tedious and boring work. Then I reminded myself that this is my cultivation path, and my displeasure faded. I needed to do this well. I turned each screw one by one, taking a break when I was tired, and started again. I was determined to fulfill my duties, and I wanted to develop tolerance. Above all, I wanted my daughter to be happy at home. There shall be no criticism or suppression. There will be only care, help, encouragement, and advancing together.
Now, my daughter leaves a very good impression on relatives and friends. She is polite, speaks and behaves properly, and knows a lot about traditional culture; she is smart, has a righteous view of the world and life; and she radiates cheerful energy— like a sunshine angel. Many people wonder what kind of family can educate their child like her, and wish their own children could be similar. In this way, our daughter is validating the Fa. Since others know I cultivate in Dafa, letting them see the cheerful appearance of my child is in itself validating Dafa.
Master encouraged us one time when we went to a restaurant we often frequent. The lady owner said suddenly, “I like to see you two. I like to see your child. She is really nice. You two are always cheerful, as though nothing can cause you trouble.”
I hope fellow practitioners can relinquish the attachment of demanding things from others and avoid imposing their own notion on others around them. It is even worse to expect practitioner family members to meet Dafa standards. The standards of Dafa are meant to guide our own behavior, not to judge others. We need to be tolerant and cooperative with everyone around us. It is not easy. But if one can really do it, everything will become smooth and many troubles will naturally be resolved.