(Minghui.org) I was introduced to Falun Dafa (Falun Gong) in 1999, just a few months before Jiang Zemin, the former head of the Chinese Communist Party (CCP), began his brutal persecution of the practice.
The only reason I was able to learn to steadily cultivate and rectify myself over the past 27 years is all due to Master Li’s constant strengthening and protection. When I did exactly what he asks of practitioners and met Dafa’s requirements at each specific level, he again and again revealed the divine powers of Falun Dafa to me.
Late in the summer of 2002, the police took another practitioner and me to a forced labor camp. This facility was notorious for torturing practitioners in order to “transform” them, meaning to get them to renounce their belief in Falun Dafa. The “transformed” practitioners were then turned into the guards’ “assistants” or “collaborators” to deceive other practitioners to give up the practice. We had heard of many such cases.
The other practitioner and I were handcuffed together while being transported to the labor camp. We held each other’s hands tightly during the ride, encouraging one another to stay resolute. We were separated when we arrived. Although there was tension and a sense of imminent danger, I knew Master was by my side and nobody could touch me.
Several groups of collaborators came in one after another. When they slandered Master and Dafa, I tried to reason with them. After an entire morning of this, it became apparent that my notions and attachments, including combativeness and other bad thoughts, were getting the best of me. I quickly adjusted my mindset and asked Master to strengthen my righteous thoughts, words, and deeds.
At lunch time, another group of collaborators came in. One of them was a young woman who whispered to me that she had been “transformed” against her will and that she planned to resume practicing when she was released. Shortly after that, the other collaborators kicked her out.
In the afternoon, another person came in. She boasted that she had “transformed” more than 200 practitioners. I asked Master to strengthen my righteous thoughts so I could restrict her speech that was being controlled by the evil old forces. After a while, her throat started to bother her. The battle between good and evil lasted the entire afternoon. When I wasn’t talking, I was sending righteous thoughts. I had no doubt that Master would save her and that she would change her ways.
The police wouldn’t give up and arranged for another detainee to try to “transform” me the next day. That morning, however, the guards refused to let any detainees talk to me. The police officers were angry and verbally abused me before taking me away.
I was filled with gratitude to Master for resolving this tribulation for me and revealing to me the divine powers of the Fa. As Master said:
“Cultivation depends on one’s own efforts, while the transformation of gong is done by one’s master.” (Lecture One, Zhuan Falun)
The authorities used particularly cruel forms of torture on steadfast practitioners. Fellow practitioners, myself included, tried to clarify the truth about Dafa to the warden, division heads, and guards either in person or by writing letters, yet these atrocities continued. We could not eat or sleep knowing our fellow practitioners were suffering such abuse.
When the persecution first began in 1999, many practitioners lacked a solid foundation in Fa study. They were attached to their understandings and believed they were correct. I was stuck in this mindset myself, usually insisting that I was right and often disagreeing with others. While some practitioners were targeted, detained, and tortured, others complained and blamed the persecuted practitioners instead of trying to help them. Distanced and disconnected from one another, we couldn’t form one body and were thus exploited by the old forces.
I thought about Master’s Fa teachings and decided to meet Master’s requirement of quietly harmonizing for the good of the whole and filling the gaps in our one body. Although I didn’t always agree with the persecuted practitioners, I firmly believed that the old forces were not allowed to persecute them, even if they had attachments and loopholes in their cultivation, because we are all Master’s disciples and practitioners of Falun Dafa.
After sharing about this with other practitioners, we reached an agreement that, when practitioners were being tortured, we could not just stand by and do nothing. Some started a hunger strike to protest; some filed complaints with the warden’s office, the procuratorate in the prison, and the Prison Commission for Discipline Inspection; and some visited these offices in person to clarify the truth to the officials and their staff.
I had the idea of filing a complaint against my division head, deputy division head, and the guards involved in the abuses. Just thinking about this created an enormous amount of pressure and internal interference, so much so that I almost gave up on the idea. However, I made up my mind and completely let go of the fear of death. I held firm to my belief that a complaint was the most direct and effective way to eliminate the evil elements and help Master to save sentient beings.
When I delivered a formal letter of complaint to the division head, she held her head high and acted arrogantly. As she read it, I sent forth righteous thoughts. When she next left her office, her head was bowed, and she looked dejected. I knew Master had eliminated the evil elements behind her. Master again showed me the mighty divine power of Dafa.
A meeting was held among the authorities and officials. Soon after, the guards informed the inmates that they would no longer use such forms of torture.
The practitioners worked together and formed a strong one body, which allowed Master to eliminate the evil beings behinds the officials and guards. After I was released a few years later, other divisions reintroduced some of the torture methods, but they were never used again in the division where I was held.
In all my years of cultivation, I have struggled to maintain my xinxing when conflicts arose among practitioners and have gone though a painful process to remove my attachments.
When I was released after being imprisoned for my faith, a fellow practitioner extended a helping hand while I was going through a difficult time. She wanted to introduce me to a Fa-study group, saying this would help me catch up in cultivation because everybody in that group was diligent. We arrived early and briefly talked to the host, Jia, about my situation. As the rest of the group trickled in, Jia told me, “You can leave now. We’re about to start.” I was taken aback that Jia would kick me out without any hesitation.
I left with a heavy heart and leaden feet. It was like what Master said: “... Abundant troubles rain down together ...” (“Tempering the Will,” Hong Yin)
So much had changed while I was locked away. The single story homes in my neighborhood had become skyscrapers, and my husband had been having an affair. Whenever he was angry, he lashed out at me, saying, “You’re a convict. You’re a convict who needs to reform through labor.” I once failed to maintain my xinxing and argued with him. He told me to get out and never come back.
I walked alone in the chilly wind and pouring rain, amidst the leaves falling off the spindly trees. All my human notions cropped up, and I felt bitter. It didn’t occur to me to look inward and examine myself. To make things even worse, I lost my coveted job, which was my only source of income. At my temporary job, I was paid less than 50 yuan after working two full days.
I left Jia’s house that day and walked aimlessly, feeling sad and lost. Finally, I started looking inward and saw how attached I was to my reputation and how desperately I wanted to save face. I made a plan to study two lectures of Zhuan Falun each day and then study Essentials For Further Advancement. I studied all of Master’s lectures in chronological order, starting with Falun Gong.
I consistently looked inward and found dozens of human notions and attachments. When I focused on getting rid of them to truly improve myself, Jia had another practitioner pass on an invitation for me to join the Fa-study group. I thanked her but declined. With Master’s strengthening and help and with the guidance of the Fa, I passed that test. After I finished studying all of Master’s lectures and articles, I gained a deeper and more clear understanding of the Fa principles.
I once talked to a displaced practitioner from a different region and asked how she negated the CCP’s financial persecution. This practitioner has strong management skills and was hired to manage two hotels, which kept her busy every day. I don’t remember her exact words, but she said she had this wish that one day she would have enough money and free time to assist with saving sentient beings. And with that, Master helped fulfill her wish.
I was deeply inspired by this practitioner’s story. My financial situation has improved since then and is getting better every day. I’ve reached my goal of making enough money and having enough time to do the three things. My husband has also changed for the better.
Although I was grateful that Jia kicked me out more than a decade ago because this exposed many of my attachments, I still harbored resentment and jealousy toward her that I couldn’t shake for a long time. When I ran into Jia earlier this year, she pointed out many of my shortcomings without holding back. It was odd coming from her, because I had barely interacted with her. In fact, one of the things she said about me was something she heard from another practitioner. I tried to explain myself at first but quickly caught myself and thought, “No matter what Jia says, I must listen with a humble heart.”
After parting ways with Jia, I carefully examined myself and became appreciative of her. I realized that being kicked out of Fa-study was Master’s arrangement and a great opportunity to improve myself. It was actually the best thing that ever happened to me as this allowed me to discover and get rid of many of my human notions and attachments. I gained in so many ways through this process.
Every time a practitioner points out my shortcomings, that is a great opportunity to improve my xinxing.
About 10 years ago, practitioner Ye told me that practitioner Bing had complained about me again, and I instantly lost my cool. This had happened many times before, yet I had failed to improve myself. But this time, I decided to strengthen my Fa-study and look inward instead. I asked Master for help, saying, “Master, I am determined to get rid of these human notions. Please strengthen me.”
After a while, I felt my xinxing had improved, so I paid Bing a visit. She criticized me harshly without holding back. I didn’t explain or defend myself, instead I focused on looking inward as she talked. When the thought of wanting to explain myself popped up, I eliminated it right away. Since then, I haven’t heard any more complaints from Bing about me.
When I was drafting this sharing, I looked inward and realized that Bing had a reason to scold me that day. At the time, I was worried about her slacking off in cultivation so I often acted or talked as if I was better than her. I was being overbearing. I wanted to change her by imposing my standards on her. I lacked compassion and hurt her feelings.
One time, a conflict arose between me and Ye. Failing to maintain my xinxing, I overreacted and slapped myself. I felt wronged and that I had wasted a lot of effort on a thankless task. After I got home, I looked inward and examined myself. I asked why I was so impulsive and had slapped myself.
I dug deep and traced this back to my suicidal and self-harming tendencies and more than a dozen other human notions that I had developed before I began practicing Dafa. Once I identified them, Master removed a lot of these negative substances from my dimensional field. I had a dream that night where I flew over the tall barbed wire fence of a prison. I flew freely and soared through the sky. The guards were so small. They tried to shoot me but couldn’t reach me.
Another time, a conflict with a different practitioner prompted me to look inward. I thought of the practitioner as a mirror and reflected on the situation. I found my attachment to reputation, my fear of confrontation, my wanting to save face, my conniving ways, and my sentimentality. Still, I felt that I had not yet gotten to the bottom of it all and found the root cause.
A practitioner suggested that maybe the underlying attachment was “hypocrisy” and this shook me to the core. I immediately had this thought: “The tendency of being hypocritical is not who I am. I don’t want this tendency.” As soon as those words came to my mind, something fell from the top of my head and from my chest.
When I looked inward to improve myself, when I accurately pinpointed my attachments and human notions, when I distinguished the attachment from my true self, then compassionate Master removed one dark mountain of karma after another from my dimensional field. When this happened, I felt in a visceral way that the bad substances fell from the top of my head, my chest, or my back, piece by piece.
Cultivation is truly amazing. There was something that really bothered me and it happened consistently. I looked inward whenever it happened but didn’t take it seriously and only scratched the surface. When it happened again this year, I was startled. I looked inward for several days, and whenever I found an attachment, I wrote it down. None of these human notions and attachments are mine and I don’t want them.
When I dug deep to find my attachments, I ended up finding the root causes of all other attachments, such as reputation, self-interest, sentimentality, demon nature, and other evil thoughts. I also found my tendency to not cultivate Truthfulness, not cultivate Compassion, and not cultivate Forbearance.
I worked on eliminating my distorted ideas, evolutionary beliefs, atheistic ideology, and modern thinking. When I was able to identify and relinquish these attachments, Master dissolved all the related interference. Whenever attachments originating from sentimentality interfered, I recited Master’s teachings addressing the specific issue and Master removed the attachments for me.
I asked myself, “What attachments have you not been able to shed after so many years of cultivation?” I found that I was falling behind in clarifying the truth because I had fear and the tendency to avoid difficult tasks. I held negative opinions and even prejudice against some people, including certain practitioners. I harbored resentment. I was stubborn and believed that I was right a lot of the time. I wanted to validate myself. I often talked to others bruskly and in a condescending way. My demon nature was often at play. I wasn’t always considerate and didn’t look at things from other people’s perspective. I was far from the standard of Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance.
I carefully examined my thoughts and found that I still had a lot of human notions and attachments that I needed to get rid of. In fact, I should thank practitioners from the bottom of my heart for helping me find such dirty things.
While drafting this part of the sharing, I pressed my palms together in front of my chest and sincerely thanked every practitioner who had helped me in the past to improve myself. I also want to apologize to people whom I hurt in the past: “I am sorry. I was wrong.” My harsh tone was due to the influence of Party culture and the attachment of competitiveness.
More than a decade ago, I was on a bus when the driver made a sudden turn. I didn’t have a firm footing and tumbled headfirst down two metal steps. As I fell, I pleaded, “Help me, Master!”
A couple of other passengers helped me get up. My lower back hurt so much that I couldn’t walk when I got off the bus. I dragged myself forward a couple of steps before it hit me: “Isn’t this acknowledging the old forces’ persecution? This is not Master’s arrangement. I am fine. I am not going to go along with you, old forces.” I asked Master to strengthen me and picked up the pace, walking faster despite the intense pain. I was determined not to go along with the old forces’ plan.
I couldn’t raise my legs high enough to climb the stairs at my apartment building and subconsciously reached out to grab the handrail. But I immediately caught myself and rejected this idea. If I used the handrail, wasn’t I acknowledging that my back was hurting? If I was completely fine, why would I need to use the handrail? I again asked Master to strengthen me and decided I could go up the stairs by myself. With Master’s help, I walked up the stairs.
That night, I had excruciating pain in my lower back when I lay on my side, and it hurt even more when I lay on my back. But the worse the pain, the more determined I became to lie on my back. Whoever was hurting was not me. I intensified my Fa-study, sent righteous thoughts more frequently, and looked inward even more carefully. I did my household chores as usual, and my husband didn’t notice anything at all.
However, the old forces didn’t give up so easily and quickly came up with another plan. A few days after the fall, while sending righteous thoughts at midnight, I was suddenly pushed off the bed by an invisible force. I landed on the floor, and my lower back crashed right into a metal chair. This prompted me to look inward, and I found many human notions and attachments.
One morning, just a few days after that incident, while tidying up after my husband left for work, I suddenly lost all feeling in one of my legs. It went completely numb and couldn’t support any weight. I didn’t panic, as I knew Master and Dafa were on my side. It was the evil forces’ doing, and they were playing tricks on me. I firmly denied the old forces’ arrangements and reminded myself that it was all an illusion and that I was fine.
I leaned against the door and straightened the leg with no sensation. Then I slowly raised the other leg and shifted my weight entirely onto the leg that I couldn’t feel. I begged Master for help and sent forth righteous thoughts. Soon, a warm and powerful current of energy came down from the top of my head and went through my entire body—Master was performing “guanding” on me [pouring energy into the top of the head to purify the body]. As the current moved through my body, my leg regained sensation and was completely fine again. I truly experienced the divine power of Dafa at that moment. I was overjoyed! Words could not describe my gratitude toward Master.
That night, evil forces from another dimension came surging in like a tide. My entire body felt like it was nailed down. I couldn’t move and couldn’t make a sound. I had this feeling that if the old forces had their way, this would have manifested as a stroke. While faintly conscious, I rejected this arrangement and again asked Master for help. I desperately recited the righteous thoughts formula in my heart with all the determination I could muster.
With Master’s strengthening, my righteous thoughts grew stronger and stronger. I was able to move my body again. I continued to send righteous thoughts and eliminated all the evil elements in other dimensions that were harming my body. Some evil factors were eliminated, while some backed down like an ebbing tide.
Master again saved me. I give my deepest thanks to immensely compassionate Master and his boundless grace.