(Clearwisdom.net) When I look back on my cultivation experience, particularly the hardships that I have endured since July 20, 1999, when the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) started its full scale persecution of Falun Gong, I have a lot to remember. I used to be very materialistic. When I first became a practitioner, I focused strongly on myself. Gradually, I stepped out of the mindset of being selfish, eventually turning into a Fa-rectification period Dafa disciple. I stumbled through and made many mistakes. Now it's more clear to me that we wouldn't be able to take even one step forward without our great Teacher's compassionate protection as he uses hardships to save us and arranges for fellow practitioners to help us out. Here I'd like to share my cultivation experience with all my fellow practitioners so that we can strive forward together diligently. Please kindly point it out if I say anything inappropriate.
1. It is essential to study the Fa well in order for us to validate the Fa.
I started to practice Dafa before 1999. Back then, I only knew that Dafa was good and that I should spread the Fa and validate the Fa. I frequently read Dafa books, but I couldn't study the Fa with a calm heart. This made me feel that I was only passively cultivating and not truly immersed in the Fa. I did a lot to introduce Dafa to other people, but my improvement was slow, and I often felt tired.
I wasn't able to understand the Fa from the Fa. I didn't fundamentally change my everyday person's notions. I used an everyday person's heart to look at Dafa and cultivation. Because of this, when the persecution started in July, I took the evil persecution arranged by the old forces as a persecution launched by ordinary people against ordinary people. I treated it with a non-practitioner's mindset. I wasn't able to let go of my attachments quickly, which left me vulnerable to being persecuted. When I was incarcerated, my righteous thoughts were weak. In the face of such evil acts, I felt desperate and helpless. I kept asking myself why I was being persecuted and why I couldn't see Dafa's sacred dignity. In the beginning, I could only find some superficial reasons. After I reteurned home, with more and more in-depth Fa-study and cultivation, I came to realize that the reason that I had made so many mistakes was because I didn't study the Fa well! I wasn't able to understand the Fa from the Fa. Therefore, just like Teacher said in "Fa Teaching Given in Manhattan,"
"But on the other hand, when your righteous thoughts are inadequate and not in line with the Fa, you will be cut off from the Fa's power, and it will seem like you are alone and getting no help."
After I was released from custody, our local practitioners set up Fa-study group at my home. In the environment of group Fa-study and experience sharing, we all felt that we improved on the Fa very quickly. We became more and more clear-minded, rational, and mature. We are now able to position ourselves correctly in our cultivation and take the Fa as our first priority. Everyday we study the Fa with a pure heart. When there are conflicts, we all look inside and use the Fa to understand how to handle situations. In the past few years, we have steadily worked on the three things and have walked the path that Teacher has arranged for us. We help fellow practitioners in other areas and together we harmonize according to Teacher's arrangement and save those sentient beings for whom we are responsible.
2. "Let each and every thing be measured against the Fa. Only then, with that, is it actually cultivation." ("Solid Cultivation" from Hong Yin) We must remove the fundamental attachments we have to our family members in order to cultivate well.
Since I was young, I had a strong attachment to sentimentality and lust. I longed for a life of indulgence and comfort. My husband, who is also a practitioner, and I both know that we shouldn't follow our attachment to lust. However, we didn't truly let it go and sometimes were not strict with ourselves. Because of this fundamental attachment, I experienced many kinds of interference. At first I was able to double-cross my legs, but later it became very hard to do. I often felt sleepy and dozed off when doing the meditation exercise. My hand fell down when sending forth righteous thoughts. A few other practitioners in our area were also attached to lust. They were illegally arrested and sentenced to forced labor camps.
Compared to the requirements of the Fa, we realized that we were falling far short on how a cultivator should behave. My husband and I both agreed that we should completely let go of lust and act according to the Fa. First, we started to sleep in separate rooms. Then we got strict about our own thoughts and actions. This is true cultivation. When we follow the Fa's requirements, immediately, like Teacher said, "When your character improves, the matter in your body definitely changes." (Zhuan Falun) I was able to double-cross my legs again. I no longer dozed off during the meditation exercise and my hands didn't fall down when I sent forth righteous thoughts. Before, when malicious people in my area aggressively persecuted practitioners, I felt the evil targeting me. Yet since I have paid a lot of attention to removing my fundamental attachment and therefore met the Fa's requirements at my level, with Teacher's benevolent help, I have been able to brave through every time. I have come to see how magnificent and sacred Dafa is!
Through my family cultivation environment, I realized how serious practicing is. Before we got married, my husband and I had already started to practice Dafa. After we were married, we constantly had conflicts. We often blamed each other and sometimes even had huge tribulations. I was confused by this. We were both Dafa practitioners. We should have been able to live a more harmonious life than non-practitioners. How could we have so many troubles and issues?
Later, during a conflict with my husband, Teacher gave me a hint. I suddenly remembered what Teacher said in Zhuan Falun, "But we've said that as a practitioner, you shouldn't hit back when attacked, or talk back when insulted--you should hold yourself to a high standard." Right away, I knew that I hadn't treated myself as a practitioner at home. I didn't exactly follow Dafa's requirements. I only claimed I was a practitioner, yet I always tried to change my husband instead of looking inside and cultivating myself. I took each and every conflict with my husband as an ordinary family issue rather than a good opportunity to improve. I didn't see our problems with my true nature but instead handled them as an non-practitioner. When I thought about all those issues with my husband, I realized that was the root cause. When I became clear-minded on those Fa principles, my xinxing level went up and our family problems disappeared.
3. Validating the Fa instead of myself
I have a technical job. Most of the Fa projects that I work on are also related to technology. My personal understanding is that if we see technology as a kind of low-level supernormal ability, many fellow practitioners, including myself, will rely on it too much. Some of us have even enjoyed playing with technology and spent a lot of time trying to improve the functions of our machines. If we didn't take the Fa as our top priority and forgot to look inside based on the Fa's requirements, many times we'd end up validating ourselves instead of Dafa.
Teacher said in "Seeking the Righteous Fa," "Supernatural skills are but petty means, The Great Fa must be the basis of everything." (Hong Yin) Sometimes, I was faced with technical hurdles in Dafa projects, such as when I was editing footage. I'd stay up late, trying to solve the problem. I enjoyed it very much but seldom paid attention to how spectacular Dafa was during that process. I could feel very clearly that I enjoyed the fun so much when doing research on those issues that I forgot about validating the Fa and saving sentient beings. One time, a fellow practitioner tried to install an operating system on a computer. He spent much effort but couldn't do it. He came to me and I finished it in no time. Another practitioner who was there at the time asked me, "How did you know how to do it so quickly?" I answered casually, "With a lot of practice. I learned my lessons from my failures." She said immediately, "You forgot to validate the Fa!" I didn't realize it before she said that! In the next few days, I kept thinking about what she said. It was a reminder from Teacher that I "forgot to validate the Fa!"
Yes, there were so many times when my printer failed or when I couldn't connect to the Clearwisdom site that my first thought was, "What was wrong technically?" I forgot to think about the Fa's requirements. I didn't send forth righteous thoughts. I didn't remember to deny the old forces' interference. Why did I seldom feel how sacred Dafa was? Why did I often feel tired? Why did I run into so many troubles when they shouldn't have happened? With a non-practitioner's heart and mind, I was not entitled to benefit from the power of the Fa and Teacher's strengthening. I was only a non-practitioner doing Dafa work. When I clearly saw this, I changed my working style. Before working on Dafa projects, I'd study the Fa first with a calm heart. I constantly reminded myself to evaluate what I saw against the Fa and to look inside and rectify myself based on the Fa. Now I can truly feel myself improving on the Fa. More and more, I know what it is to "validate the Fa."
4. Learn how to look inside and deny the old forces' persecution.
Teacher said in "Fa Teaching at the 2009 Washington DC International Fa Conference": "For a cultivator, looking within is a magical tool." In April and May of this year, the local CCP members received orders from their superiors to start another round of persecution of local Dafa practitioners. First, they went to the telephone companies to look at online records, trying to figure out where the centers for manufacturing truth-clarification materials were located. According to a fellow practitioner who worked in one of those companies, the first person on their black list was me. This practitioner asked me to be careful. When I heard the news, I immediately and firmly denied this old-force arrangement. I sent forth strong righteous thoughts to completely eliminate this plan and not allow the existence of any excuse to persecute Dafa practitioners. Meanwhile, I measured my thoughts and actions against the Fa to see what could have led to this round of persecution.
Teacher gave me a hint. Three words continued to appear in my mind: "the first person." I suddenly came to realize that the trouble was due to my attachment to showing off. Teacher said, "The desire to show off plus the attachment of zealotry are most easily exploited by the demonic part of your mind." ("Definitive Conclusion" from Essentials for Further Advancement) I carefully examined my thoughts and actions and realized that I had not been myself lately. I often felt good about myself and I thought I had been very stable in my cultivation for a long time. Many practitioners praised me. In fact, when I heard those words of praise, I should have woken up. Yet I only said a few words to try to be humble. I didn't judge myself against the Fa all the time. When I saw my problem, I sent forth righteous thoughts to eliminate my attachments to showing off and zealotry. Teacher said, "Remove your human thoughts and evil will naturally die out" ("Don't Be Sad" from Hong Yin II) When I let go of my attachments, the evil that was gathering around me was eliminated. My dimensions once again became serene. I truly saw how profound and magnificent Dafa was. Our local practitioners all sent forth righteous thoughts and denied the persecution. Eventually, the authorities weren't able to carry out their plan after all.
I had another magnificent experience from looking inside. There was a time during my cultivation that I often suffered from migraines. I sent forth righteous thoughts but didn't see much improvement. Rather, they became worse and worse. When I had a migraine, I was very anxious and annoyed since I didn't know why it was happening. One day, I had a migraine again when I was going to study the Fa. Previously when I had a migraine, I'd go take a nap to feel better. This time, with the pain, I continued to study Zhuan Falun. When I was at the end of Lecture Four, I suddenly found my answer. Yes, I must have some attachment that I hadn't realized yet that was giving the evil an excuse to interfere with me.
After Fa study, I sat down to look inside. What could have caused this trouble? Gradually, I saw it in my mind - bitterness and hatred. Yes, for a long time, I had treated conflicts and unpleasant things with a non-practitioner's mindset. I told others that it was good to have conflicts. Yet, when I was faced with them, I thought it unfair and I'd complain about them. We are at the end of the final stages of the Fa-rectification now, how could it be that I still wasn't able to change this about myself? I developed a thought from the bottom of my heart: "Eliminate this mindset of bitterness and hatred." How magical! Teacher immediately removed the things that caused my migraines. My headaches were gone. Later, when I relaxed my standards on this and indulged my desire to complain and feel hatred, I'd feel a headache coming on. When I realized it and eliminated it, the headache would be gone right away, just like Teacher said, "If thoughts are righteous, evil will collapse" ("What's to Fear?" from Hong Yin II)
In the past few years, when I could maintain a calm heart, I'd feel Teacher's guidance. It's such a joy to cultivate and to assimilate into Dafa. Though I endured many tribulations and a lot of pain, when I look back, they were only there to make me more clear-headed and rational. If I had truly believed in Teacher and the Fa, solidly studied the Fa, looked at issues from the Fa with abundant righteous thoughts, many of the tribulations might not have happened at all! Measured by the Fa, I still have many attachments, some of which I may not even be aware. I especially hadn't paid enough attention to sending forth righteous thoughts in the past, nor had I been very active in saving sentient beings. I didn't look inside enough. I should follow Teacher's requirements and do a better job with the three things. I will try my best to catch up with other fellow practitioners on my path to godhood. Hopefully we'll reach consummation soon and go home with Teacher.
