(Clearwisdom.net) I was born and raised in a mountain village, and in 2002, I went to Beijing for a job. On July 22, 2004, I received a DVD debunking the so-called self-immolation staged by the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) on Tiananmen Square. That led me to begin practicing Falun Dafa. Two months later I married and after one year I had a baby. My child is now five years old. During the past six years, I have been supporting my husband and raising my child while cultivating in Dafa. Unfortunately, I lost contact with fellow practitioner who introduced me to Dafa just four months after I began practicing. I was later told that she was arrested because she practiced Falun Gong, and that her current whereabouts are unknown. It took me a long time to find other practitioners in my area, but I met two elderly practitioners, and my state of cultivation has since improved greatly.
In 2009, I set up a materials production site with the help of fellow practitioners. Afterwards, one of the elderly practitioners moved to another city. This motivated me to share my cultivation experiences of producing Falun Gong materials, and write about how I improved while having conflicts with my husband.
When I started making materials, I mirrored fellow practitioners production experiences. When I had a problem with my printer, I thought there must be something wrong with my xinxing. I was thus nervous around the printer, which exaggerated the problem. Often, either the red, yellow, or blue ink didn't work. No matter the difficulties, I studied the Fa, even before I started up the computer. I knew that any difficulties had to do with my cultivation state, but I often just couldn't pinpoint the specific problem. Once I calmed down and looked within, I realized that I considered running a successful materials production site as my cultivation goal, and making good materials about Falun Dafa as a way of validating and showing myself off. Moreover, I had developed an attachment of doing good things intentionally. So, I sent righteous thoughts to eliminate these attachments completely, and studied and memorized the Fa diligently. My mind then became pure and my printer ran smoothly.
My husband started practicing Falun Dafa in 2005. We walked the path of cultivation together. Every step was the manifestation of Buddha Fa's mighty power and Master's infinite grace. My husband was the breadwinner. He often came home late and went to bed immediately after dinner. Sometimes he read Zhuan Falun for a while, but for less than half an hour, before going to sleep. Though I knew that I should look inside, I was angry and complained constantly. I often said that he had too much karma, and tried to force him to study the Fa. I felt that I was doing this for his sake. When I complained to him at first, he studied the Fa and practiced the exercises, but with a passive attitude. When he found that I was in a good mood, he would not study the Fa. When he found that I looked unhappy, he would study the Fa. Gradually he became resentful when I told him to study the Fa.
One day he said angrily, "Have you ever seen anyone force others to practice cultivation?" His words helped me wake up. Yes, he was right on the point. What am I doing here? I really wanted to help him. Why did I make things worse? I calmed down and looked within. I recalled how my husband and I obtained the Fa. My husband was a kind person and good-tempered, but he was born into a poor family from a remote mountain area. After we were married, I thought I would be satisfied if he could obtain the Fa. For a period of time I told him that I would divorce him if he didn't practice Dafa. Later I changed this notion as I studied Teacher's lectures. Then, my daughter was born and our life became more difficult. I developed an attachment of wanting a comfortable life. When I asked him to study the Fa, I hoped that he could benefit from Dafa and obtain goodness in this human world. Actually, I was taking advantage of Dafa. I was aware that my goal of studying the Fa was to be protected by Dafa and live a good life.
I was taking advantage of Dafa and behaving inappropriately when viewed from a practitioners point of view. It was a strong attachment to fame, interest and sentimentality. Once I realized this, my mind became clear. I had fewer complaints and was no longer so annoyed. My husband became rational. Whenever he had time, he studied the Fa, and we stopped quarreling. Soon afterward he was promoted and received a higher salary, so our living conditions improved. I came to understand that everyone has his or her own fate, and everything has been arranged. First and foremost, I had to cultivate myself well.
I brought up our daughter without much help from him, so I was deeply attached to her. When I was pregnant, I listened to Teacher's Fa lectures, so she was listening also. After she was born, she was very quiet and obedient. When I read the Fa, she nodded her head from time to time. As she grew up, my attachments to her developed. When I bought vegetables at the market, I often chose the ones that were good for a child, thinking that spinach can supplement iron, grapes can supplement calcium, and so on. You can imagine the outcome. The more I was attached, the less she wanted to eat the food. On the contrary, when I cooked without much thought, she liked the food and ate more. When I thought she liked a certain vegetable, I served it again but she refused to eat it. I thought it over and found that I had a strong attachment. I was afraid that she wouldn't eat well or be warm enough. I was regarding her as an everyday person rather than guiding her from the perspective of the Fa. Everything about her that wasn't consistent with my notions was actually a manifestation of my own problem.
I feel so lucky to walk the path of returning to my true-self in this cultivation environment. During the past six years, I didn't do well in many respects. What I'm most ashamed of is that I didn't insist on doing the morning exercises and sending righteous thoughts at night. I had too many human attachments.
I have exposed my loopholes today and have decided to eliminate them completely. I will make good use of the time to accomplish my mission as a Falun Dafa disciple of the Fa-rectification period. I will not let Master down.
