(Minghui.org) Many practitioners have been hurt by fellow practitioners, especially in China, where the cultivation environment is very complicated. Some practitioners handle it properly, while others cannot deal with it. In extreme cases, some practitioners were able to overcome tribulations in the face of brutal persecution, but seem unable to break through the harm caused by fellow practitioners.
Cultivation Practice Magnificent Despite Being Persecuted
I began to practice Dafa in 2004 and was persecuted for the first time during the 2008 Olympics. I was locked up in the Beijing Forced Labor Dispatch Center for 20 days.
Because I kept shouting “Falun Dafa is good! Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance is good!” and refused to write a guarantee statement that I would stop practicing Falun Gong, I was deprived of sleep. I went on a hunger strike and was force-fed. I was forbidden to go to the bathroom for more than 40 hours and had to wet my pants.
Despite the persecution, I did not find cultivation practice difficult, instead I found it great and magnificent.
Will to Cultivate Eroded
After experiencing this persecution, I moved to an area where there were many practitioners, most of whom were elderly. With a relatively higher level of education, a more affluent income and technical skills, I took the initiative to shoulder multiple Dafa projects.
It was during that time when I began to face harm from fellow practitioners. Some elderly female practitioners relied on me and were jealous of me at the same time.
I had strong attachments to sentiment and fame. Impure elements of validating myself existed behind the Dafa work I was doing. Amidst being relied upon and envied, I couldn't understand the situation from the Fa. My will to cultivate was gradually eroding and I did not know what to do.
Released on Medical Parole
The situation lasted for more than a year before my loopholes were taken advantage of by the old forces. I was arrested.
My righteous thoughts were obviously weaker than when I was arrested the first time. Even though I continued to send forth righteous thoughts, memorize the Fa, and clarify the facts about Dafa to the inmates, I found cultivation practice very difficult. Especially when I went on a hunger strike.
Going on a hunger strike is in fact quite dangerous for someone without strong and powerful righteous thoughts, because the harm to the body can be fatal. A practitioner who was detained around the same time as me suffered organ failure after 50 days of a hunger strike. She passed away at age 38.
I developed fluid accumulation in the torso from the hunger strike. I was released on medical parole because the guards were afraid that I would also die.
Tribulations
I learned that the persecutors were going to give me a heavy sentence, so I went into exile although I looked as if I was seven months pregnant.
Word spread among practitioners that the practitioners who were detained did not do well and that what we did was not from the Fa. I was thought of negatively for two years after I left the detention center.
I contacted a practitioner who agreed to let me stay at his place temporarily. The second day after I arrived, he received a phone call from the police. Even though the phone call had nothing to do with me, he was frightened. I had no choice but to pack up and leave.
I went to seek shelter with a couple who had practiced Dafa prior to July 1999, but had almost completely given up this cultivation practice. They knew that Dafa is great. They kindly took me in and told me I could stay for as long as I wished. While living with them, I learned that the wife's younger brother had obtained the Fa but no longer practiced. I brought him back to cultivation. I also helped their daughter practice Dafa.
As soon as I recovered, I moved to an area where there were many Dafa practitioners. I had made contact with the coordinator through the Minghui website, and he found me an apartment. The plan was for me to make truth-clarification materials when I arrived.
Painful Experience
My tribulations had just begun. I felt it was just like what Master said,
“Each and every barrier must be broken through,And everywhere does evil lurk.”(“Tempering the Will” from Hong Yin)
After a lot of effort I finally made it to the small township and met the main coordinator. He was close to 60 and looked very serious minded. I heard that he had been sentenced to forced labor and imprisoned several times, but made it through with righteous thoughts. I respected him very much.
I never expected it, but within a month he started flirting with me. I subtly reminded him to focus on cultivation and to not to break the precept on chastity. But he said, “I think I am good enough for you.”
I was overwhelmed by anger, frustration, sadness and self-pity. I couldn't find a secluded place to avoid him. I asked for help from elderly female practitioners whom he had recently introduced me to, but they all refused.
It was the darkest moment of my life since I had taken up cultivation practice. I was stuck and had no way out. I spent an entire day wandering in the strange township crying, and asking Master in my heart, “Master, What should I do?” I had never cried, even during force-feeding that almost killed me, but I cried at what my fellow practitioners had done to me.
It took me three years to be able to hold back my tears when I recalled this painful experience.
Take the Fa as Teacher
This was a lesson and I tried to figure out how we, as practitioners, should properly handle harm inflicted by other practitioners. I hope to provide a reference for those who have undergone similar experiences, especially those who have fallen into despair. I hope they can break through it, recover from it and eventually become able to fulfill their vows.
I feel it is necessary to look at the nature of such relationships between practitioners from the Fa. In my personal understanding, we work closely together because we are cultivators. However, many practitioners that we call fellow practitioners do not actually cultivate.
The coordinator did not follow the Fa, had entanglements, was arrested with his latest friend and both were sentenced to five years in prison. Not only that, quite a few material production sites were ransacked and more than 10 practitioners were arrested because of them.
People like that coordinator played a role that was worse than some people directly involved in the persecution. The only way to deal with such people is to avoid them so they can’t continue being harmful.
Of course, one must look inside. It was not a coincidence for me to have run into such a person. I had committed big karma through sexual relationships prior to cultivation, which I regret very much. The resentment I developed toward that coordinator was so great that it took a tremendous effort to let it go.
How many practitioners around us have failed to cultivate well over more than 10 years of Fa-rectification period cultivation practice! We must cultivate following the Fa, not by following other practitioners.
Cultivate for Ourselves and Not for Others
Recently I became acquainted with an elderly practitioner in her 70s. She began to practice cultivation in 1995. She was very diligent until two years ago when she became stuck in a tribulation and couldn't break through. After some in-depth sharing, I found that she could not keep up with Fa study and couldn't cultivate by following the Fa.
“Take a look at these veteran practitioners,” she said. “Many have been hospitalized, and some have passed away.”
I responded, “Auntie, we cultivate ourselves, we don't look at others. Even if the entire world stopped practicing, we should have the will to continue. Even if everyone in the entire world passed away, we should not stop practicing. We need to have such determination.”
Fa-rectification Cultivation Practice Has High Standards
I think practitioners in China are very familiar with the internal strife among practitioners. Because of too many human thoughts and notions, the bond between practitioners has lost its purity in many cases.
A couple of years ago, I took the relationship with other practitioners too seriously. On the surface I was trying to cooperate with them and do Dafa work well, but in reality my starting point was not that pure and I had pursuits. One becomes vulnerable as soon as one develops pursuits. Under such circumstances, one has no other way but to look inside unconditionally and correct oneself.
A common reason for many Dafa disciples to become attached to other practitioners is that they have mistakenly taken the various activities done with other practitioners as the focus of their cultivation practice.
In my local area, those who can step out every day or most of the week to do truth-clarification are considered diligent. However, in my opinion, group study or truth-clarification is only the external form. Fa-rectification period cultivation practice has such high standards, it cannot be measured by external forms.
Master said,
“One’s gong level is as high as one’s xinxing level.” (Zhuan Falun)
My understanding is that one's state of mind while doing these things is what is crucial.
When we run into problems like this, I think we must ask ourselves why we practice cultivation in the first place and dig out our fundamental attachments. Only by believing in Master and Dafa one hundred percent can we position our relationship with fellow practitioners well. The so-called “harm” will dissolve quickly.
Category: Improving Oneself
