A Journey of Eliminating Resentment

(Minghui.org) My elder brother-in-law is widely recognized in his family as being filial, kind, tolerant, and responsible. However, it was this very brother-in-law who made me feel resentful because of one incident.

My mother-in-law was hospitalized in 2023. Due to her advanced age, she was unable to take care of herself and required round-the-clock assistance. As a result, this brother-in-law took on more of the night shifts, while the rest of the siblings would replace him when we had time. The night shifts were challenging and whoever arrived at the hospital in the morning to replace him, would urge him to go home and rest.

One morning, when I arrived at the hospital I encouraged him to go home, as he couldn’t have rested well all night. He told me that his mom had just had acupuncture, and wanted to watch over her a little longer. I insisted that he go home and rest. Just then, my usually gentle brother-in-law snapped at me, saying, “Who’s tired? I’m not! Every time you guys come, you all try to rush me out of here. You guys dislike me and don’t want to see me.”

I hurried to explain, “You misunderstood us. We care about you and think you must be tired from taking care of mom all night. We just want you to rest and relax.”

To my surprise, this only made him angrier, insisting, “I’m not tired! Especially, you two [me and my husband]. Every time you come, you rush me out before I’m ready. I know you care, but you can’t treat me this way. And I’m not forcing you to come here. In the future, come if you want, but if not, I can take care of mom myself!” He slammed the door and left.

I stood there frozen. It took me a long time to recover from the shock. Feelings of grievance, resentment, injustice, and pride overwhelmed me. I could feel my blood boiling, my face turning red, and I swallowed tears of anger.

I slowly gathered my thoughts, and asked myself, “You’ve been practicing Falun Dafa for over 20 years. Why are you so easily shaken in the face of a test?” As I pondered this, I calmed down and reminded myself that this was an opportunity to practice endurance. In my mind, I repeatedly recited, “When it’s difficult to endure, you can endure it. When it’s impossible to do, you can do it.” (Lecture Nine, Zhuan Falun) Gradually, I felt lighter and continued tending to my mother-in-law.

Not long after, my other brother-in-law and his wife came to visit my mother-in-law. As soon as they entered, this brother-in-law asked, “Did he [his brother] go home?” I smiled, but there was a storm of emotions going off inside, as I told them what had just happened. The couple exchanged glances, comforted me, and told me not to take it personally. At that moment, I felt even more stifled, and the resentment and grievance, that the few lines from Zhuan Falun had just dissolved, resurfaced.

At home that night, I recounted everything that happened during the day to my husband. To my surprise, he asked, “Are you sure you didn’t exaggerate anything? He is already very tired, why are you making such a big deal out of it?” I stood there, with my mouth wide open. I didn’t get the comfort I had hoped for. Suddenly, I felt like my brother-in-law was bullying me, and my husband was accusing me of making a fuss. Reflecting on the many years of spiritual and material support I had given my in-laws, far more than to my own parents, I began to label their entire family as “ungrateful.” It was like my body was being drained by the overwhelming grievance and resentment.

I studied the Fa and sent righteous thoughts, and as much of that resentment dissipated, I calmed down.

My brother-in-law continued to care for his mother. I visited her every few days to check on her and buy some daily necessities. Every time I saw my brother-in-law, I would talk with him politely. I thought that I had let go of my resentment and hatred, and no longer mentioned the incident to my relatives or friends. But in reality, it hadn’t completely gone away. Whenever I felt wronged or heard a slight tone of discomfort, the resentment stirred again. Despite continually studying the Fa and sending righteous thoughts, and even though I knew the important mission of a Dafa practitioner, this feeling of resentment still lingered.

As the Chinese New Year holiday approached, my husband suggested we go to his parents’ home to cook and clean. I agreed, but inside I objected. While driving the car I thought about all the past wrongs done to me. When we arrived and I closed the car door, my finger got caught in the door. A sharp pain shot through me, and as I shouted, “Falun Dafa is good,” I pulled my finger out, only to see that my ring finger nail had turned black. The pain replaced my resentment, and I suddenly became clear-minded. I was wrong, and I shouldn’t complain anymore!

I continued to study the Fa to eliminate this resentment. I sent righteous thoughts to make the resentment die and listened to other practitioners share their experiences on how to get rid of resentment. Why had this attachment persisted for so long? I really needed to calm down and dig deeper to examine myself.

I found that when I was trying to eliminate the resentment, I was only addressing the surface, and not going to the root of it. Master said, “...looking within is a magical tool.” (“Fa Teaching Given at the 2009 Washington, D.C. International Fa Conference”) So, I began to look deep within.

In life, I was pampered by my husband, loved by my children, and we lived a comfortable life. This led me to appear modest and humble on the surface, but deep down, I was arrogant and overbearing, unable to tolerate criticism. Unknowingly, I would display a sense of superiority in my words and actions. This fostered a strong desire to show off and seek compliments and admiration, which in turn gave rise to a sense of disdain for others. While looking inward, I discovered that whenever these attachments were triggered, resentment would emerge. These notions were nourishing the resentment. With so many attachments weighing me down, how could I improve? How could I clarify the truth to people?

Master Asks Us to Look Inward When Facing Challenges

In the hospital room, when I asked my brother-in-law to go home and rest, I genuinely intended it for his benefit. But I did it in a domineering tone, influenced by Chinese Communist Party (CCP) culture, in that women should be strong and commanding. Had I used the gentle and humble tone traditional women are expected to have, he couldn’t have gotten angry with me.

My brother-in-law was once a Dafa practitioner, but he later turned to Buddhism as he was fearful of the CCP’s persecution. I looked down on him for giving up Dafa, for his impulsive and wasteful spending habits, and for his lack of cleanliness. Even though I acted like I cared for him, deep down, I had a condescending attitude, which made my concern for him not genuine. So he might really feel uncomfortable. Upon reflection, I realized I wasn’t truly being kind to him! So when he suddenly lashed out at me, my pride and sense of injustice clashed with my strong sense of self. Though I held back my anger and didn’t argue, I was only able to suppress it with tears.

Over the years, my brother-in-law cared for his mother, never undressing at night or getting a good night’s sleep. He slept on the couch close to her for four years, without any complaint or resentment, enduring what many others wouldn’t be able to. During this Chinese New Year holiday, one night before his mother was hospitalized, she had a fever at home. I stayed up all night to look after her. My brother-in-law kept telling other family members, “She didn’t sleep all night. She didn’t sleep all night!” His tone was full of care and concern for me. He had gone through countless sleepless nights over the years, yet he never once complained!

Master used my husband, friends, and other practitioners to help me improve, yet I still focused on my brother-in-law’s faults, without considering what he might be going through. When such a good brother-in-law lost his temper with me, it was meant to expose and help me eliminate my hidden attachments, while reminding me to look inward. The tool to uproot these attachments is to look for where I am wrong and think more about how others feel.

From that moment on, the months long resentment I harbored toward my brother-in-law disappeared completely. When I think back on those painful memories, it feels like a gentle spring breeze has passed through, and I’ve truly experienced the joy of being uplifted by the Fa!

I am deeply grateful to our compassionate and great Master for his salvation!