China Fahui | I Am Thankful for My “Sparring Partner”

(Minghui.org) After I began practicing Falun Dafa, the people who helped me improve on my cultivation path were somewhat like sparring partners on a volleyball team.

Volleyball players hone themselves day by day and year after year to become world-class champions. Similarly, the “sparring partners” on our cultivation path help us cultivate well and eliminate our attachments.

I’d like to tell you how my best “sparring partner,” my mother, helped me cultivate.

It’s All Mother’s Fault

My mother is a good person. She is honest and kind; she works diligently, without seeking fame or fortune; her heart is only for her family. She is simple, unpretentious, and easygoing. Before I began practicing Falun Dafa, we had a very harmonious relationship. Looking back now, I realize it was because my mother and I were both everyday people, so we got along well.

The situation changed drastically when the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) began persecuting Falun Dafa in July 1999. A chasm appeared between us, and it seemed insurmountable. After the appeal in Beijing on April 25, 1999, whenever fellow practitioners visited, my mother gave them a cold shoulder. After the CCP launched the persecution on July 20, Dafa became a taboo subject in our family.

I could clearly feel my mother’s unfriendly attitude towards me. She was harsh to the extreme: she looked at me with cold eyes, and her words were always commands and accusations. The two times I was persecuted by the CCP further strained our relationship. She couldn’t understand how her always excellent child was suddenly associated with terms like “police,” “detention center,” and “bad people.”

Our relationship gradually became a cold war. I said everything I needed to say, and repeated it over and over, but why wouldn’t she understand? Why would she rather believe the lies broadcast by the CCP on television and in newspapers than her own child? Slowly, my resentment shifted from words and outward expressions to my inner feelings. I avoided her. When she saw me, she immediately turned away. The atmosphere in our home was filled with resentment and hatred; beneath the cold silence lay two extremely opposing hearts.

But I never imagined that, besides the clash of beliefs, so many conflicts would arise in my daily interactions with my mother. Especially after I retired and I became her roommate. I realized that I didn’t really understand my mother, with whom I had lived for decades. How could there be so many things about her words and actions that I couldn’t stand? The friction in our daily lives added fuel to the fire of hatred and resentment in our already strained relationship.

After I began practicing Falun Dafa, my mind became very logical. I do things very efficiently and neatly; my home is spotless, and my knowledge has broadened considerably. Previously, I had great difficulty learning, but suddenly I can learn anything quickly, and nothing seems complicated. Under the enlightenment of Dafa, everything seems so simple to me now.

My mother is now an elderly woman, with the typical mindset of an old person who is no longer concerned about appearances. She’s content with just getting by, and she was unwilling to learn new knowledge. At work, she only learned things related to her job, which made her knowledge base very narrow. Her already irritable temper, coupled with her declining hearing, made me feel very uncomfortable. I felt that this side of my mother was old, incompetent, stubborn, simplistic, and unreasonable.

In an era where the internet permeates everything, my mother naturally became a prisoner of the internet as well. All her words and actions were based on the instructions of the internet, and she obeyed the orders of the “internet teacher” without thinking.

My mother would occasionally give me all sorts of absurd instructions, such as, “You can’t use bottled water; it has bacteria.” I would immediately reply, “The tap water we use these days is so dirty. Not all bottled water has bacteria; just buy a good brand.” She would roll her eyes at me and then fall silent.

Two days later, my mother said again, “The bottled water isn’t clean; the internet says many people have gotten sick from drinking it.” Two days later, she said, “The internet says you can’t use plastic wrap anymore; all plastic is toxic.” “The internet says eating bitter melon is like eating arsenic.” “Also, the water heater is leaking electricity; you can’t use it.” “Even though the power strip has four slots, you can only plug in two appliances at a time, otherwise it’ll catch fire!” “Don't charge your phone at night...” She bombarded me with countless similar instructions every day.

Nothing I did seemed right. I felt like a wronged daughter-in-law, being bullied by my wicked mother-in-law. I was extremely angry, thinking, “I pay for everything in the house. I do all the chores, I spend every day with you and take care of you, and you’re still so unreasonable!” I even cried several times secretly because of this.

Because my mother didn’t let me use the dishwasher or soap, I had to rewash all the dishes she washed. Although she’s very proactive in doing chores, this kind of work, which was worse than not doing it at all, made me feel even more tired. My mother got very angry when she saw me rewashing the dishes she washed. But if I didn’t wash them, the dishes were greasy, and I couldn’t stand looking at them.

The more I complained about my mother’s filth, the dirtier she became: first, she wouldn’t flush the toilet after urinating. Later, she stopped flushing after defecating. I couldn’t contain my anger and asked, “Why don’t you flush after you poop?!” My mother responded calmly, “Oh, really?” I was left panting heavily for a long time.

Is It All Mother’s Fault?

As a Falun Dafa practitioner, I knew I had to endure. Don’t talk back, don’t speak, don’t question, just endure, endure, endure. At that time, my cultivation was reduced to nothing more than enduring without knowing why. It was very difficult, and there was no real change or improvement at all.

My mother forbade me to eat bitter melon, so I didn’t; she forbade me to use bottled water, so I didn’t; she forbade me to eat instant noodles, so I didn’t; she forbade me to do certain things, so I didn’t. On the surface, I seemed so obedient and well-behaved, but the resentment that accumulated in my heart made me feel almost hostile towards my mother. My husband once said to me, “You don’t seem close to your mother.” This seemingly casual remark deeply stung me: Yes, as a Falun Dafa practitioner, I didn’t give a feeling of warmth, but rather indifference, helplessness, and even hatred. Was I a cultivator?

As the Fa-rectification progresses, Master’s continuous publication of articles, various truth-clarification materials, and the publication of the Nine Commentaries on the Communist Party made me see my own attachments and extreme behavior, and I realized it was urgent to end this situation. At the same time, I also obtained a great deal of material to resolve my mother’s misunderstandings about Falun Dafa. I increasingly understood that all the disharmony and unpleasantness between us was caused by the field of resentment and hatred I had towards my mother. I hated that she didn’t understand the truth, hated that she was unreasonable, hated this about her, and resented that about her... And the root of all this resentment was that my mother’s attitude towards Dafa had not changed.

I knew I had to tell my mother the truth as soon as possible, so that she could get out of the CCP’s lies, out of the shadows, and into the sunshine. This became a very urgent and important matter.

Through studying the Fa, I began to realize that to change my mother, I must first change myself. Eliminate my lack of sincerity and kindness, and more importantly, guard my heart, which is so easily swayed and disturbed. I understood: I control my own sphere of influence. If I act uprightly and do righteous things, my mother’s understanding would be unconditionally assimilated by everything righteous. Of course, for an elderly person of such advanced age, I needed to think about how I’d talk to her. I should be patient.

I asked myself: How long has it been since I praised my mother? The question startled me: Praise her? What is there to praise about her? But when I took off my resentful glasses and looked at my mother again, I found that she has many good qualities, and many of them are qualities that I need to learn from.

Because we had difficulty talking to each other, I looked for every opportunity to write to her; I didn’t miss any chance to send her blessings on her birthday, Mother’s Day, or any other occasion. In my letters, I thanked my mother for her care and told her the truth about Falun Dafa, the CCP’s lies, and who was breaking the law, even committing crimes… Having experienced various political movements, my mother naturally understood the ugliness and filth of politics under the CCP’s rule. Many of her relatives had been persecuted and lost their lives during the Cultural Revolution. Finding a point of empathy was finding a leverage point to communicate the truth.

I gradually realized that once my mother accepted me, she would accept everything about me, including my beliefs. In other words, a major reason for the previous conflicts was that my mother couldn’t see any manifestation of Truthfulness, Compassion, and Forbearance in my behavior.

I began to pay attention to meeting my mother’s needs and beliefs. And I gradually realized that all the reluctance and unhappiness in my heart were truly directed at my own stubbornness. For example: I didn’t want to eat too much for dinner so I wouldn’t gain weight, so my mother would make me eat all the leftovers; I liked dishes to be beautifully presented, fragrant, and delicious, so she would reheat the leftovers until they were completely discolored and mushy; I liked soft-boiled eggs, so she would always boil them until the yolks were hard. Every “ball” thrown at me was aimed at my stubbornness: stubbornness towards color, stubbornness towards fame, stubbornness towards delicious food… Whatever I was stubborn about, she would mess it up. I didn’t understand. Then she would continue to mess it up until I did.

When I finally understood the real reason behind all these contradictions, I couldn’t help but chuckle: My mother was working so hard as a “sparring partner”! And wasn’t I being too attached? If you get hurt, let go of your attachment; once you’ve let go, don’t pick it up again. Otherwise, how can you succeed in cultivation?

My mother believed all plastic products were toxic, so she replaced everything in her life with non-plastic products, including her yogurt. Ironically, she herself felt it was unnecessary, and now she continues to drink yogurt from plastic bottles. Although she continues to live according to her old beliefs, she finds her obsession with the internet somewhat ridiculous. After being scammed several times while shopping online, she realized that not everything online is correct. Moreover, the internet constantly contradicts itself, with conflicting information that says one day to eat less salt, the next day saying you can’t reduce your salt intake—so she wasn’t sure who to believe.

When my mother realized that I obeyed all her instructions without question, she began to change: she changed her hostility towards me, she changed her objections to my choice of beliefs, and she began to smile at me.

As my study of the Fa deepened, I began to truly study it wholeheartedly, to view problems from the perspective of the Fa rather than from my own understanding, and to consider what a practitioner should do to assist Master in Fa-rectification. I began to understand that everything sentient beings do is related to our cultivation. I began to deeply regret my previous dissatisfaction and complaints, and my tendency to attribute all the blame to my mother.

Looking back at my mother’s so-called mistakes, they no longer seem to be her fault.

It’s All My Fault

Studying the Fa, studying the Fa, studying the Fa—it seems that only through diligently studying the Fa have I truly understood the following passage.

Master said,

“In any case, a cultivator must look at things as a cultivator should and with the mind of a cultivator, and absolutely cannot look at things with the mind of an ordinary person. Nothing you encounter is simple, accidental, or an ordinary thing. It must have to do with your cultivation and your improvement. Because you are a cultivator, your life path has been changed, and you have been given a new cultivation path; nothing on your path happens by chance. But it will definitely appear to be by chance, because only in this delusion and in a state where you are the same as ordinary people can you show whether you are cultivating, whether you cultivate well, and whether you are able to pass test after test. That is cultivation, and that is righteous enlightenment!” (“Teachings at the Conference in Los Angeles”)

I broke free from that prolonged state because of my continuous study of the Fa. It truly is only Dafa, the universal law, that could change my stubborn heart and replace resentment with love and kindness. Upon further studying Master’s teachings, I discovered that Master already warned me about all the problems I might encounter on my cultivation path.

Master said,

“Let me tell a story. In the book Investiture of the Gods, Shen Gongbao found Jiang Ziya to be both old and incompetent. But the Primitive God of Heaven asked Jiang Ziya to confer titles on immortals. Shen Gongbao felt that it was unfair, “Why is he asked to confer titles on immortals? You see how capable I am. After my head is cut off, I can put it back on my shoulders. Why wasn’t I asked to confer titles on immortals?” He was so jealous that he always caused troubles for Jiang Ziya.” (Lecture Seven, Zhuan Falun)

The words “both old and incompetent” are particularly striking. Isn’t that what I mean by thinking my mother is old and incompetent? My jealousy is the same as Shen Gongbao’s, but even worse—I also thought my mother was ugly! Her old age, incompetence, and ugliness reflected my own jealousy and lust. If I hadn’t realized this and corrected myself, wouldn’t I be harming myself and others?!

I despised my mother for being ugly, inelegant, and unclean; this stemmed from a deep-seated lust. To like what is beautiful and dislike what is ugly—isn’t this a manifestation of lust? Liking those who we feel are elegant or attractive comes from a desire to show off and that others will praise us. This is showing off coupled with the pursuit of fame—this is such a terrifying obsession. Cleanliness? What is the standard of cleanliness? With such a human heart, even if one tries to appear elegant, one is still ugly.

Furthermore, my mother’s impatience and bluntness reflected my own behavior: I was hasty in my actions. I prioritized speed over quality. I was always in a rush when I did things, including telling people about the persecution. I lacked thought and planning, which led to me being persecuted. I measured how much merit I accumulated by the number of people I talked to and the scale of my efforts, which showed I had a restless and agitated mind.

My obsession with food was also strongly reflected in my consumption of instant noodles and McDonald’s. My mother insisted on not wasting food. The appearance of bitter melons turned into arsenic and mineral water bottles contaminated with bacteria—in this morally bankrupt era, unscrupulous merchants are indeed capable of such acts, not to mention substandard power strips, water heaters, and so on. The cases my mother sees online may very well be true. I insisted that she think objectively and make logical deductions, but why couldn’t I listen to all sides and gain clarity? Why didn’t I ask myself “Why” more often when I did things? How could I possibly use the yardstick of Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance to measure others?!

My mother refused my well-intentioned gift because I harbored resentment towards her, and she couldn’t feel any kindness or love from me. A gift from someone who resents you feels ill-intentioned, so refusing it was the inevitable outcome.

After much reflection, I realize it’s all my fault. As a Falun Dafa practitioner, I made mistakes in my cultivation, which is why everyday people used various ways to remind me to correct them. I was completely unaware of my shortcomings, and I even angrily confronted those who pointed them out. I now feel truly ashamed!

I understand now. If the person I’m facing keeps repeatedly displaying a “flaw” or “mistake,” it’s a wake-up call for me. I need to immediately examine myself; there must be similar problems manifesting within me. I need to understand that the “sparring partner” isn’t just randomly throwing balls at me; they’re specifically designed to eliminate my weaknesses. It’s like seeing a dirty face in the mirror—wiping the mirror won’t help; the only solution is to wash your face clean.

Master gave us the precious tool of looking inward, and has repeatedly reminded us to do so. In the early days of cultivation, I only felt it was a method to resolve conflicts; looking inward meant not being angry with the other person, which could alleviate the conflict. Because I knew I must also have faults, I should correct myself first before I tried to correct others.

When I started to look at my mother with kindness, understanding, and tolerance, I discovered that she was actually very lovable. She has many admirable qualities that I can learn from. Despite her advanced age, she is very hardworking. She is exceptionally frugal about her own needs, yet generous to her family; she has a strong thirst for knowledge, eager to learn every new term. Meanwhile, I, who am truly self-righteous, use my limited knowledge and preconceived notions to protect myself from harm. I constantly strive to avoid being challenged or questioned. I jump to conclusions, so I’m no different from my mother, who blindly follows everything she reads online.

When I truly let go of my ego and looked at my mother with kindness, accepted her shortcomings, silently corrected her mistakes, and praised every improvement she made, she truly changed: she would let me trim her hair, would wash the dishes with dish soap, and would buy me bottled water. Even her appearance became endearing. Ah! It turns out that my mother before was just acting, a fake version of herself, but that was the real me! When I returned to my true self and truly demanded that I be Truthful, Compassionate, and have Forbearance, that lovable, genuine version of her also appeared.

I realized that my “sparring partners” were a special gift from Master. I must examine their behavior, find my own shortcomings, and fulfill the promise I made to them in Heaven. I must understand that their performance will eventually end, and that day is drawing ever closer. Whether it ends in joy or utter defeat truly depends on my understanding and my cultivation.

Finally, I want to say, “Thank you, Mom! I will definitely cultivate diligently and bring you home with me!”

(Selected submission for the 2026 China Fahui on Minghui.org)